Life — June 7, 1900 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- “JOKE 1S IT, YOU BLAME OLE WHITE TRASH?” ‘OM HEAH MEY A NEW ONK, RIGHT AWAY, QUICK, TOO," encircling wall of stagnation, and when Gabriel blows his trumpet they Will still be tuggin g at their bootstraps, Mantup. CLEVELAND. Wot's dat? A mean city, eh? Say, did any o* you'se guys ever stack up against Cleveland? Make tt a Jack, boys, and draw your cards. 1 chooses Cleveland and stands pat. A mug what dey called Moses Cleaveland founded dat Home fer Feeble- minded Just about @ hundred years back, Wen he seen wot he done, he went outin de woods near Glenville and died. It'acinch de rest o' de guys wot was foundin’ towns about den would ‘a smeared him fer queerin’ de bizness If he hadn't. He had It comin’ to bim. Mean? Why, Cleveland raised Mark Hanna, an’ she's been gettin’ worse ever since, Dat's a great town fer dead games. De sporty boys tn pink shirts wot shumes de cards, spins de wheel, and calls out “Copper,” and “Ace wins,” at de faro table, hangs out in de next block to de City Hall; an‘ wotever de politician up de street lets get away, de sporty boys chalks up ‘on de credit side and sings “God Save de Mayor.”” Stand in? Well, yes. Ain't dey all on to de same graft? Cleveland has de bummest lot o’ men ever was. Why, dose guys couldn't even support a foist-class ball team wen dey had one. Dey druv Patsey Tebeau an’ his gang o* stars out 0’ town, pinchin' de eyes out 0’ de eagles on deir half-dollars. Dey couldn't make good ina ten centitmit. Wen de Gran’ Circuit vlows into Cleveland de bookies has all detr bills changed into pennies. Dey're @ gang o' selling platera wot couldn't tell a dry Martini from» Bradley-Martin wid a + Barkeeper’s Guide." And tight? Why, every guy dere ts keepin’ books on bis pocket money, and wen he getson astreet car de conductor has to separate his nickel frum him wid a crowbar an’a pair o* tweezers, Den he takes out a notebook an’ figgers up his balance. Cleveland dropped de middie ‘a frum her name some hundred years ago, but dat's de last ting ever got away frum her. Every time @ real good actress blows Into town and gets her peepers on de folst night's house, she gets sick and calls de rest o' de engagement allow I passes up dat burg. Stayed dere t'ree days, and den jumped de fulst train fer Youngstown. Never bummed de price of a drink wile I was dere. I'm troo wid Cleveland, an’ right here I wants to warn de rest o' de “+ perfesh to stay away, Weary Wille, A Treasure Transferred. #H E: Women don't stand by each other. Sue: Pardon me, but that’s not so! I've refused many a man who afterwards made some other girl a splendid husband, “HCRKY UP, Now “Mt Kent. AND POR SECURITY BE HAS €OME TO HORSE BLINDERS.