Life — April 26, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A POLITICAL PARADOX ‘Tis part of our most beneficent plan ‘That the office should always seek the man ; And yet the office, commonly speaklug, Can never ind the man it is seeking. —Chicago Tribune. from + ols? Impossible. Schoots* emphasized?" description | THE ESSENCE OF LONDON “PUNCH” FOR MARCH, 28, of “ Borrowed Sermons.” One of the Oxford crew was recently described, In a report of thelr practice, as “the spare man.* If he is pare” by comparison with the others, much depends on how stout his seven fellow-oarmen may be. Butif they are all stout and he ts the only spare man, then how about Meir good condition? Probably they are all “slim enough, but this isn’t of much aval. corps?” N “Var ces eet, Jea Some curtosity has been evinced by theatre patrons as to how Mr, Charles Wyndham will treat his nose when he appears as * Cyrano de Bergerac, or the Nasal aud Military Hero.” Most are of opinion that this will be the principal feature of the plece, and some fear 1s expressed lest this should be the only polnt tn It. ‘Those of this opinion have not got hold of the right tlp as to this nose. Yet its obvious Presence ought so to pervade the house that, as Hanet says, * You will nose him as you go into the lobby." The earilest arrival will exclaim, “ What Is that I see before me? Is It steur.” “Nevatre ! I will dle first. an insult!" Shameful | Mooscatonge? Nevatre 1° “Perfidious taw! nose?” The reply will be, Yes, Sir, a nose de Bergerac.” — feauntal! Listen. “Ze swords, monsteur?? “A stickler for the decent conventlonallties of civilized Prepatre ze swords, life" writes: “Sir, under the heading ‘London School Board,’ { notice in the papers a description of proceedings entitled ‘Evening Continuation Schools.’ Why this dis- tinctive appellation apparently differentiating such schools insulted. ing swords as ze Weapons. jon-Continuation Schools"? Are there ‘ sans-culottes* And yet, If not, why are *Continua- A certain well-known Reverend preacher 1s advertised to give * Lent Orations "at some Hall somewhere. Um! Queer “Lent Orations” are uncommonly suggestive ‘Smith asked Jones, “ Do you belong to ® sharpshootec’s answered Jones, who was limping along, + but I've got a ‘sharp shooter* that belongs to mr, and Lm going to have &és ‘core’ extracted, What ho! the pedicure !"" * Monsteur, ze doctatre comes to-day to vaccinate mon- Ket ees degrading t “But monsteur, eet ees also ze law.” How can I suffatre a beast of a doctatre, wi bees brutal weapone, to stab me—me, ze Count de “ But eet ees ze law, monsteur.” Abt I have eet! You will prepatre ze swords!" On ze point of one sword, mon- sleur, ze doctatre, will rub his vaccinate mattaire. See he will diffuire from me on ze Dr-r-yfus questione. 1 will challenge ze doctaire. We will Sight at once, and here ze doctaire takes ze prepared swords. See? One-two-thm Ze doctatre pricks me slightly in ze arm. Ha! hal Honees| satistied ! 1am vaccinate 1"—Clecedand Pcain Dealer, Tux following ts the history of # rallroad pass whic 1 true, Is very good of tts kind. When It. N. Rice, who wal afterward president of the Michigan Central Rattroad, wy the general manager of the New York Central he recelved mall an expired pass, across the back of which the bette had written in red tok : “ Bless my stars! no more on the cars Awa deadhead I'll ride on the rail, ‘oiess Mr. Rice should take my advice nd send me a pass by the mall.” Without a moment's hesitation Mr. Rice turned the pass ore and traced tn red {nk on Its face the following: “The conductor will pass this bundle of gas Prom July till the middie of Lent. Like any other deadhead, without paying a red, Let him ride to bis beart’s content.” ‘The pass was never taken up, and ts to-day kept In the famiy of the holder.—Troy Times, Eet ees “ Hetwo 1 “Helio 1 “1s this you, Johnny 2” Yes." “This is mamma, omece. Thave eet now! I'm using the telephone at papas Everything all right at home?" Yesm, Anything you wanted me to dor” ‘0, Johnny. T only wanted to find out, from the soust en of your votce, whether you were eating any of those jaa 1 will feel tarts I told you not to touch while I was downtown. I se He will accept, nam- youre. I'll settle with you, my son, when I come tow Good-bye 1"—Chicago Tribune, Jers in Great Britain, The Inter- am’s Building, Chancery Lane, ECROPEAN AGENTS—Mesare. Brentano, 37 Avenue dei’Opera, Paris, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s Ali! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO,, Baltimore, Md “Ahead to stay, and stay they will, Till perfection meets its match.” OB ts STEEL PENS FSTERBROOKS 150 Varieties. The reputation of half a century For Sale by all Stationers, is behind these pens. Works, Candea, 5.1. THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. 26 212 8, tev tot CHEW BEEMAN’S THE ORIGINAL PEPSIN GUM Cures Indigestion and Sea Sickness, AML Others aro Initaticas. OLD CROW RYE WHISKEY, has been the acknowledged leader for 66 years. H. B. KIRK & CO., Sole. Bottlers, New York. comicbooks.com