Life — April 19, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HORSE, THE 00G AND THE MAN, Tne horse and the dog had tamed a man and fastened him to a fence; Said the horse to the dog: “For the life of me, I don’t see a bit of sense In letting him have the thumbs that grow at the sides of his hands, do you?" And the dog looked solemn and shook his head and said: “I'm a goat If I do.” The poor man groaned and tried to get loose and sadly he begged them: “Stay! You will rob me of things for which I have use by cutting my thumbs awa You will spoll my looks, you will cause me pain! Ah, why should you treat me so? As Lam God made me, and He knows best! Oh, masters, pray let me go!" The dog laughed out and the horse replied: “Oh, the cutting won't hurt! You see We'll have a hot iron to clap right on, as you did in your docking of me! God gave you your thumbs and all, but still the Creator, you know, may fall To do the artistle thing, as he did in furnish- ing me with a tail!" So they bound the man and cut off his thumbs and were deaf to his pitiful cries, And they seared the stumps and they viewed thelr work through happy and dazzled eyes: “How trim he appears,” the horse exclaimed, “since his awkward thumbs are gone! For the life of me I cannot see why the Lord ever put them on!" “SUL, It seems to me,” the dog replied, “that there's something else to do; His ears look rather too long to me, and how do they look to you?” The man cried out! “Oh, spare my ears! God fashioned them, as you see, And if you apply your knife to them you'll sure- ly disfigure me!" “But you didn’t disfigure me, you know,” the dog decisively said, “When you bound me fast and trimmed my ears down close to the top of my head!" So they let him moan and they let him groan while they cropped his ears away, And they praised his looks when they let him up, and proud indeed were they! But that was years and years ago, in an un- enlightened age! Such things are ended now, you know; we have reached a higher stage! ‘The ears and thumbs God gave to man are his to keep and wear, And the cruel horse and dog look on and never appear to care! —S. E. Kiser in Chicago Times-Herald. A BIG fine-looking man sat In the corner of a South Side car reading his newspaper. Next to him sat a Ittle woman in an up-to-date frock. She had a box of candy in one hand and an opera Ilbretto in the other. She tried to get @ newspaper from a boy who came through the car, but the conductor broke up the transactioa and, seizing the small newsdealer by the slack of the pants, put him down on the pavement Then the pretty woman in the up-to-date frock paid her fare in pennies, and smiled. The big man's newspaper was spread out before her eyes, and she glanced at the head- lines. Then she read a half column about a thrilling rescue of a typewriter girl by a gallant fireman. She glanced sideways at the big man. Apparently he was (aking no notice. She began on a story of burglars in a South Side flat, how they bound and gagged a woman, stole her seal skin sack, and— “Oh, oh! the horrid thing: excitedly. ‘The big man looked around Inquiringly, and then, quite as a mattter of course, he said: “Have you finished this page, madam? It 80, let us turn to the stock reports and the s0- clety news.""—Chicago News. STAGE MaNaGer—“What! you laugh while you're supposed to be dying? Actor— Certainly. At the wages you pay, why shouldn't death be greeted with Joy? —Fliegende Blatter, Art Critic— That's a magnificent Raphael you have there! Host (of Chicago)—Not bad—but you want to see my Murillo, by the same artist. =L' Illustration. she exclaimed For sale by sdealers | national New London, England, AgENTs. ny, Hream's Building, Chancery Lane, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md, EUROPEAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano, 31 Avenue dol'Upera, Haris, The Choice of Best Judges @ i @ KREMENTZ EVERY GENUINE ONE PIECE COLLAR BUTTON Has the name Soild batons, without charge In case a damaged from any canse, Walsts and Children’s Dresses, Sold by all jewelers. The Story of a Collar Button free on request, KREMENTZ & CO., 60 Chestnut St., Newark, N.J. Krementz" stamped on the back, showing quality, whether solid or plate. ax our plate outwears some Beware of imitations. You get a new one enuine Krementz button 1a Speclal styles for Ladies’ Shirt me ” Transparentas crystal. The Fase g cleansing Properties and absolute @ purity, as well as the refined and deli- g A? cate perfume of this toilet soap, have placed it at the apex of all. ‘SAMPLE CAKE 15 CENTS. U. 3. AGENTS. NEW YORE CHICAGO'S THEATER TRAIN—I2,10 MIDNIGHT—NEW YORK CENTR comicbooks.com 8°Stecreoaope es.