Life — April 7, 1900 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: SEVERAL years ago Colonel Jack Chinn visit- ed Texas, He took with him a negro valet, Sam This negro had been a slave In the Chinn family before the war and Idolized his young master. One night, while in Houston, the darkey went to Chinn and said: “Massah Jack, Ise goin’ out in cullud soctety heah to-night an’ I'd like to borrow dat Ivory-handled six-shotter of youre to take along. “Why, you black rascal,’ returned the colo- nel, “some of these Houston coons will take that gun away from you and break it over your arkey straightened up. Like his master, he was a man of unquestioned nerve, and there was a pecullar glitter In his eye as he sald: “Massah Jack, you let me hab dat gun, an’ If 1 don’t show up heah wid It In de mawnin’ you so down to the morgue an throw down de sheet an say: ‘Lawd! don’t he look nacherl."" ‘olonel Chinn's body-servant was that night armed tn a manner that entitled him to move in the best circles of Afro-American soctety tn Houston.—Argonant. THeRe 1s a sort of grim humor tn the tdea of the exclusion of automobiles from cemeteries, as instanced In the recent action of the trustees of the Forest Hills Cemetery at Boston. As the Boston Herald remarked on the matter, “It is but fair to say that the automobiles are not headed that way.” It was the senior James Fiske, we belleve, who declined to subseribs toward bullding a fence about the village ceme tery, saying that there was no use for a fence those who were inside could not get out, and nobody who was outside wanted to get in!— Automobile Magazine. One day Joseph Chamberlain was engaged in conversation with a friend in a London ho! when a young man approached him with a dif- lidence that bespoke a great desire to exchange a few words with the great man or be snubbed in. the attempt. “May I speak with you for a moment, Mr. Chamberlain?’ he asked. “Cer- tainly,” was the ready reply, and the politician rose from his seat. cannot say It here,” said the young man, glancing nervously around and leading the way to a remote corner of the room. Arrived there he spoke his tmportant commun. cation in Mr. Chamberlain's ear: “I am on the staff of the ——, and I should esteem tt a sreat favor If you will tell me what you think of the present situation In the Transvaal?” Mr. Chamberlain starte and then his severity softening into pity te the young man’s tmplicity, he sald: “Folk me!” Leading the way ilke a man requiriy still greater secrecy for what he had to Impax, he walked through the dining-room into a pay age, down some steps into the reading-room into the drawing-room, and finally into ; remote and curtained dark corner, when after a hurried glance round to make sure the, were no eaves-droppers, he whispered in ty young man’s ear: “My friend, 1 really deg: know anything about !t!"'—Omaha Clarion, . looked sharply at is A aint in an English market sold a gents. man a fine fat goose, warranting It lo be youg It turned out, when roasted, to be unmanap. ably tough. The next day the gentleman said to the mz. ket girl: “That goose you sold me Sor a youy one was very old.” “Certainly not,” sald she. me young?" “Yes.” “Well, Lam but nineteen, and T have hear mother say often that that goose was six wet younger than me."—Zancaville Zephyr “Don't you at THE MAN THAT WANTS A JOB. Man wants but little here below, and that's Just what be gets, And he collars mighty little of that, uniess he watches his nets; So I'm going to ask the President that will be by-and:bye, For a little Civil Service gimletted with my eye. it that I've I'd like to serve my country, beyond the rea, Fora place in the Diplomatic Corps will just about ft me; know I'm the man—I admit it— Ido not hesit Just calculated to adorn a first-class consulate. in lands: Tdon't care where they send me— Italy, France of Spain, To Germany's (cy mountains or ypt's golden plain, I make only one condition—one’s as good as a few— I want a place with plenty of space aod nothi at all todo, —R. J. Burdette, tn Los Angeles Times. “I pon'r #ee why #0 many people envy acharacter like Napoleon, “It's due to the native egotiem of the human race. very man imagines that if he had been in Napoleon's place he would have been considerably smarter and managed to keep away from St. Helena.” Washington Star. “Ie you had been at the Browns’ golden wedding celebration last night,” sald the Sweet Young Thing, “you would have altered your views on matrimony.” “L wouldn't, either,” eald the Savage Bachelor. “If matrimony were not a fake, there would not be such a pow-wow ralsed over acouple that have managed to endure each other for a few years and don't you forget it! Indtanapotis Press. Patience: What shocking lan- guage that parrot utes ! Patnioe: Isn't it dreadful | * Did it belong to a eallor before you got it?” * No; to a golf player.” —Yonker's Stateeman. BONBONS os Name on Every Piece” AN EASTER OFFERING. ceptable gift can be selected. Dainty, pure, these world-tamous confections hav ave not tried them we have a trial package that we send for toc. In stamps. When not tobe had of dealers we will send on receipt of price: t-Ib.bax,60c.: a-Ib.box,$1.20; S-Ib. box. $1.80; s-Ib. box. $3. Delivered free in the United States. Address correspondence to THE WALTER M LOWSEY C0_ Dept 0. BISTOS, MASS. Now York Retail Store, 1123 Bway. Bostoa Retail Stare, 418 Wash. 8, hieved thelruns equalled celebrit because of their delightful quality. Ityou Ove of the old time Souther: & groes went to Boston to make ty fortune. After a week of wali up and down be found bine: pennilees, and no work in eye ‘Then he went from house to base Ef you pleare, sub," be tegs when his ring at the front doer #» answered. “Can't yon give sy cullad man work ter do, or tomepa tereat?* And the polite answer Invarahy was, “No, Mister—very sorry, te have aothing for you. Every one who answered his ray addressed him as “Mr.” bat te thetr doots and hearts against bin Finany, he rang the bell #4 brownstone front. A gentlemas peared and the okt man. bem “Boers, { is etarvin’. Cant yw gimme wome vittles f “You darned. back, kipky-beabe rascal! exclaimed the gevtiena “How dare you ring the bell st a front door? Go around tbe tab yard way to the kitchen, sxd th cook" give you something-ya blact Bat just there the old man fell @ his knees, exclaiming: “Thank de Lawd, I foun’ mye white folksat tas't Thank de Let I foun’ Jem—I done fovn' ‘es! — Atlanta Constitetion Mazon Fonp Il, Rootes 4 Detroit, xays that the late Geo! Clinton B. Fisk, of this city, once addressing a Sanday «tee convention, One of the speakes tt reminded the children that & *# Washington's Birthday. “Children,” raid General Pat ~you all know that Washingtos ¥# general. Perhaps you know Of Tam also agencral. Now, ca! one tell what was the difference tween General Washington ad 5? ecif 1" “I know, eir,"* piped in the back part of the room. “Well, what was the differese said General Fisk, emiling st a lic, sir," cried the boy ID avs tones, Shouts of laughter tn which the General Joined —N, ¥. Tritt comicbooks.com