Life — April 7, 1900 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

T E way of the transgressor is hard. Tt has to be or the large amount of travel would soon wear it out. » DE Outside St. Bartholomew's. ‘TVHE world goos up, the world goes down— Last Easter, dear, I sat with you (How swoot you looked in that gray gown) Seronoly in your father’s pow, And when the prayors and chants were through I donned my polished tilo straightway, And we walked down the avonue— Ah, well, that was last Easter Day. ‘This Easter Day I walt outside A shabby fixture in the street; This coat I wear could scarce abide Among tho seats of tho élite, Tho violots he sent ropeat, No doubt, what I prayed mine to say, Dear, do you think them just as sweet As those you woro last Easter Day? Tho world goos up, the world goos down— I wait for just a glimpse of you, Then take my dingy car down town And wonder if you saw and know. Dear girl, you promised to bo truo— ‘To walt until your hair was gray— I work and hopo—who knows—wo two May laugh and love next Easter Day. Theodosia Pickering Garrison, Nautical. THE amateur yachtsman was speak- ing and his remarks were addressed to his wife. “T suppose,” he said, ‘that these tight. fitting skirts are all right, although I don’t like them, and I want you to promise me that you never will go out- side of the house without having the cook, or one of the children, or someone who happens to be around make a careful in- spection from the rear to see that it is on straight.” “Do you imagine for a minute that I can't tell when my own skirt is on straight 7” she demanded, “‘Limagine,” he replied, ‘that every woman thinks she knows when her skirt is on straight, but I also know that some of them don't.” “You must have been giving a good deal of attention to the appearance of some other women,” she retorted sarcas- tically. “My dear,” he returned conciliat- ingly, ‘some other women have forced the matter upon my attention, and you don't know how distressing it has been. Possibly, if I had not made so much of a study of the science of navigation it 295 would not trouble me so much, but no sailor can see acraft of any description that does not obcy its helm without be- ing disturbed thereby.” **What do you mean ?” she asked. “Twillexplain,” he said. ‘To-day, on the street, I happened to find myself directly astern of a young woman attired in a skirt that fitted snugly about the hips, as is the fashion now. Like most others of that description, it had a very perceptible seam that should have come directly in the center, but it didn’t, In- stead it was quite a bit to the right of the center, and toa yachtsman it gave the impression of a boat with its helm hard a-starboard. Now, this young woman was holding a straight course, which was catirely at variance with the whole theory of navigation, It seemed to me every minute as if she must: cer- tainly answer to her helm and turn out into the middle of the road, and when she didn’t do it it gave me an uncomfort- able feeling that something serious was wrong and that she ought to be putin dry-dock and overhauled, Any craft that will not answer to its helm is unsafe and should under no circumstances be allowed to leave its moorings. Of course I realized that no ordinary laws apply to a woman, but still the way she held her course seemed such a contradiction of all that my yachting experience has taught me that it made me uncomfort- able, I couldn't help feeling that unless she got her helm straight she would un- expectedly swing across someone's bows and there would be a collision, and when she reached the corner and turned sharp- ly to port with her heli still bard a-star- board I nearly had a fit. It seemed as if she were defying certain known natural laws.” Being a yachtsman’s wife, she saw the force of his argument, and finished her dressing without further remark, “My dear,” she asked, when finally’ attired for the street, as she swung round ia front of him, ‘‘is my helm on straight ?” Expert. (CA TIEESON Have you made any progress in learning to use your automobile yet ? Hatrerson (enthusiastically): You bet! Way I ran into a grocery wagon and two trolley cars yesterday and didn’t kill a soul.