Life — March 15, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHATTER. Speech Is slivern, we are told by @ thinking man of old, But astlence he assures the world ts golden, And a maxim never bore more emphatic truth tn store ‘Than this phrase that comes to us from ages olden, Such a trnth should surely find to the chambers of the mind In tts missonary Might an open lattice In this modern age when men, nearly one In every ten, Freely overwork their talking apparatus. & too athletic tongue In Its musle box Is hung As it were by balanced pivot in the middie, And In propagating sound {s forever dancing ‘round Like a drop of water on a heated griddle, ‘Tis annoying to the ear and elicits but a sneer When the fasilade tt shoots ty leveled at us, And we fain would place a ban on the freedom of a man When he overworks his talking apparatus, Too much liberty of apeech ts quite apt to overreach Th red result for which itis intended. And the cup of our desire by a too great vocal fire Oft we enack too serlously to be mended, Friends are never In excess, and with those we now possess We are liable to lose our friendly status, And they're apt to pass us by with a glacial sort of eye If we overwork our talking apparatus, ‘Tis the men who have control of thelr tongues who reach the yout Of ambition tn this life's unceasing battle ; Not the men who think they take half the ple and all the cake With thelr voruble and often senseless prattle. Men whose chinning 1s arrayed as thelr only stock In trade Should be taken by & posse comitatus, And tn stlent red until permanently cured Of inpostug on thelr talking apparatus. — Denver Post. w by all Newsdealers tn Great Uritain, ‘The Inter- pany, Hream's Building, Chancery Jane, T SEKSORS A NLL ‘Tu13 ts Moulton’s story—Moulton, of Standish. Moulton 1s@ Democrat. Being a Democrat, he allows that the other aide will swallow anything that the party leaders mix up for them, ‘That ts alway a favorite allegation of the other alde— on both xides, Moulton say# there was once an old minister of hts ac- qnaintance who belleved every word there was tn the bible and everything that appeared 1u print with the sanction of the church Especially did he tle to “ Gospel Songs, Selected, No. 2." The choir would have liked to get something a Mt more up to date, but the aged mlntater wouldn't have It He sald that those songs liad been good enough for the brothers and the sisters of the ¢ before that day, and he guessed they were good enough for the present generation So he continued to sing “Gospel Songs, No. 2."7 One day some young scapegrace In the church pasted {nto that copy of the hymns devoted to the pulpit desk & printed slip of a very secular song. But so deftly was the pasting done that it would have taken a keener eye than the dim vistou of the old parson to have detected the fraud. On Sunday he opened the singing book to read the first hymn, He always opened by chance, and took the first one that came fo hand. Me opened to the pageof deceit. Ie set his specs on his nose, and commenced to read tn a sonorous vou “I'm a double-jotnted buckleberry aching for a fight.” The aged parson read the first Hue through. So sure was he of * Gospel Songs, No, 2," that he had never stopped to think that there could be anything wrong. But there was snickering from the back pews—and he stopped | He looked at the IIne more closely. He shut the Look on his Oger and scrutinized the cover. ‘Twas all right, The cover bore the words, Songs, No. 2." It was surely his book, There were U Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s Alil THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Raltimore, Md NOW READY! Coontown’s 400. Thirty humorous plates by E. design in black and red. Price $2.00, of all booksellers and newsdealers, or post-free, on receipt of price, by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 19 West Thirty-first Street, W. Kemble, America's best delineator of darky life. Buff linen binding, with special cover ‘Works, Camden, B,J, FSTERBROOKS 150 Varictie For Sale by all Stationers, THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. 26 sons 1, tev tet of his usage. He opened again, and, setting bis glasses p firmly, read the second line: Tcan eat pound of liver raw or frle ‘The old parson stopped again Judging by the lang mumted, but none the less distinct, there was some: wrong with the hymn He looked at the line again “Itrethren,” sald he, in ® puzzled way, “that dee read Just right for the sacred songs of a holy day. 16q ‘seem ever to have seen thathymn tn this hook before, ts I thought T knew every word of it, It 1 strange strange. But*—and here his voice grew firmer and tis Jouder. here ts no doubt about this being * Gospel Seg] No. '—this book that IT hold in my hand, This bee been tried and tested in the church. I will therefore nd the other two lines of this Srst stanza, “+1 can lick a brace of catamounts and eat ‘em Im tight, I'm a ripper-snorter-tearer, blast my bide !* ow, brethren and sfsters, all sing. Hymn pe thirty-five, page twenty-three."\— Lewiston (Me,) Journd FeLLAIRE turned the mouldy pligrim around and wa good look at him. What would you do, you lazy scoundrel,” be “If somebody should give you a whole dollar?” “T reckon I'd go an’ mighty near driuk myself to deaf answered Tuffold Knut. “Well, here's two whole dollars, Go and see ty can't make a complete Job of it."—Chicago Tribune, SMALL Boy: Pa, what Is an optimist? OLD GENT: An optimist, my lad, 14 @ man who te that the Repablican party 1s opposed to Trusts. — The Fess Ee N AGENTS—Messrs. 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