Life — February 22, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR GOVERNOR OF GUAM Hall the governor of Guam t Calls bis people round to view ‘em, Reads a proclamation to ‘em, Says they must keep hens and shoo ‘em, ‘Tells the girls the men must woo ‘em, If they don’t they'll have to sue “em, To the wedded rite he'll giue ‘era As for Laws they must not pooh ‘em, If they've foes they musn't stew "em, If they*ve coops th sn't few ‘em, Otherwise he'll have todo In the Jail he'll Iikely strew ‘em. ‘Talks us If he really Lees our governor of Guam. — Cleland Plain Dealer. Denixe the Bryah campaign Representative Stark, of Nebraska, had been billed to spout in Falrburg, but, on arrival, found that ail the avallable halls were otherwise guged. A great barn, the winter quarters of a cireus, Was hired for the occasion, and, ou the Important evening, crowded to the ‘Ladies and gentlemen,” began the Congressma: went the Hou.) In this eventful campalgt 1, ““1come to speak to you In advocacy of th great principles represented by our great and glortous leader, the peerless statesman and matchless orator, William J. Lryan—" (at that moment the Hons roared, the elephants trumpeted, the hyenas howled, the camels snorted ; # shiver of fear ran through the audience), *—ut the mention of whose name,” remarked Congressman Stark, after the nolse had subsided, n the wild beasts lift thelr volces In a tumult of appreciative Joy."\— E'rchange. For alo by hatlonal News ( Vondon, . C. | Newadealers in Great Uritain. ‘The Intes- pany, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane. England, AGENTS. A COMMERCIAL traveler relates that he once arrived in @ small settlement in Arkansas, and at once repaired to the Fagle House, which was situated on the outskirts of the town, on the bank of a small stream, After a dinner of stde- meat and corn bread, the drummer lighted # cigar, and the proprietor sald : tranger, Is thar anything we ‘uns kin do fob you allt ”* Thinking to confound hls host, the drummer answered + Well, yes ; come to think of It, I'd like to have # bath” ‘The proprietor let his feet drop from the raliing upon which he had holsted them, disappeared In the house, and returned {na moment with # hinge tin cup fall of soft soap, a rough towel, and a pick and shovel, which he offered to the drummer. “What's the pick aud shovel for?” the stranger asked. “Wal.” answered the Jandiord, “ th’ watuh’s low, and all ‘Il hey to dam up th’ creek.""—Cinelmnath Engutrer. NTLEMEN who come In hotel not ray anything about thelr meals they will be charged for, and if they should say beforehand that they are golng out to breakfast or dinner, etc., and if they sy that they not have anything to eat they will be charged, and if not so they will not be charged, or unless they bring It to the notice of the manager of the place, and should they want to say anything they must order the manager for one, not any one else, and unless they Uring not It to the notice of the manager they will be charged for the least things according to the hotel rate, and no fuss will be allowed afterward about It!” —From a hotel advertisement in the Caleutta Times, ‘Tue Sanger (Tex.) Conrier pubilshes the followin +The editor aud wife hereby extend sincere thunks to the following friends for the kindnesses mentioned below : “To Mr, and Mrs. W.D. Brockman, for a nice donation of WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! THE WILSON DISTIL Baltimore, Md. Established 1823. ribs and sausage; to Mr.and Mra. T.Q Brockman, excellent quantity of rite; to Mr. and Mra. Pred for some very enjoyable sausage and souse, and to Mr Wilson, for @ nice sack of Mixsourt hickory nuts. Toei ness of such friends ts deeply and truly appreciate what would {t profit a man, though he gain the whole wd Lut lose his appetite for spareribs and sausage?” Tue little one’s mother had sald : ow, doctor, If there 1s any rise of temperature”. was great on temperature, by the way —* I will sest You at of Asyou know, I have a clintcal thermo ‘fand can take the temperature myself without troatisy to come in for the purpose.” Just as 1 was going to bed I was startled by a ring at the beil, and hastening to the door sawa domestic, who gasped : “Oh, sir, please, ir, do come round at once! Mis Jory ts worse. Maus sald I was to tell you her temp 1 108, and ts risin’ fast Scarcely waiting to put on my hat, I rushed round w: house of my little patient, and diacovered the whole tr assembled In the sick room awaiting the end of poor t Marjory, the mother wringing her hands in agony and en dreadfully. “ What's the temperature now?” I almost shouted, agitation. “Oh' sobbed the mother, “I haven't dared to since. My poor darling! It was 168, and they say ths 1s always fatal,” and she broke down completely. Without wasting any more time, I turned dow: blanket and found that the thermometer had bea between the child's aide and arm and the bulb imbedded freshly-applied hot poultic Chambers's Journal. ECHOPRAN AGENTS—Messre. Brectas 3T Avenue de I'Uve There is No Question Hunter Whiskey Quality, — Flavor 1S THE LEADER EVERYWHERE. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. @ i @ evavine KREMENTZ GENUINE ONE PIECE COLLAR BUTTON Has the name “ Krementz” stamped on the back, showing quality, whether solid of plate. as our plate outwenrs somne solld buttons, Beware of imitations, You get a hew one without charge tn case @ genuine Krementz button ts damaged from any cause, Speclal styles for Ladies’ Shirt Watsts and Children’s Dresses, Sold by all Jewelers The Story of a Collar Button free on request, KREMENTZ & CO., 60 Chestnut St., Newark, N. J. years. 4 Te standard of all Colognes for over 100 Pe) Used by the Royal and Im; families of Europe. Accessory for all persons of refined =, Manufactured only by FERD., MULHENS, 4711 Glockengasse, Cologne °/R. _ U.S, Ages! MULBENS & KROPFF, 35-37 rial An Indispensable Toilet te, . ite St., New York. comicbooks.com