Life — February 15, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MISTER KIPLING. Oh, Kipling, Mister Kipling, Wherever can y Don’t yer know the boys ts ghtin® Vown In Southern Africy t Yer “+ cook's son, duke's son," Son of a hundred guns, Is a-waitin' fer sum verses Fer sun Boer destroying ones. Yer brother there the “laryat,"* Is yittin’ uv the lead, Just a-pourin’ out the strophes From the best part uv his head They started war a-goin’ Jest tew see what Alf, could do, Kinder ‘pensive, but they wouldu’t mind Et you would spout a few. Can't yer tell is all about the tne When Buller's men and horse, They * ariver And they couldn't get across.” ‘Hout Gatucre, an’ French, an’ White, Give us sum stirring verses ; Or mayhap ye have made a vow Gin rhymin’ on reverses. Can't ye write a “ retrogressional,* Or anything at all? a ribe us the sensation Uv kickin’ gin a wall; Who knows but what ye kin pen oat ‘Tue best ye hey done yet; We thought we'd Just remind ye, Don't yer know, “lest ye Torget." —" The Farmer Poet," in Boston Evening Record, Sksator PoMRKOY used to tell of a local preacher in Katisas, who had forced himself upon the stump after Lin- colts nomiuation and demanded recognition of the party for his services during the campaign, He suld he would like to be sent as minister plenipotentiary to England or France, and when told It was Impossible, Insisted on being appointed consul at Liverpool, Finally, being assured of the Itaposs!- bility of getting what he thought was about his due, sald “Senator, can’t you think of some place that would sult mer”? “ Yes," sald Pomeroy, would sult you and that yo possibility of getting for you, “An Indian agency? preacher. “Well, you are to look after the welfare of our red nd ace that thelr supplies are properly aud honestly delivered to them." “What ts it worth?" “One thonsand Ove hundred dollars and perquisites," returned the Senator. “ Perquisites—what perquisites? “Well, you see, my friend, the G so many head of beef catt dred pounds. Now, tn delivering these cattle, U tol counted while being driven into the Inclosure, and If a yearling should happen to slip in now and then, you are not to make too much fuss about it, and there you will fund your peruisites. ‘Think tt over.* “TM take said the reverend gentleman, “I've already thought It over, and do you know, Senator, 1 think veal 1s 4 blamed alght better than beef for Indians, anyway.’ Argonaut. “I've thought of a place that would sult, and that there 18 & It's an Indian agency.”” What's that? queried the ernment contracts for eniging about so many hin- Some evenings ago a man was seated In the corridor of one of the large hotels smoking # fragrant cigar, On the For sale by all Newsdeatora in Great Uritain. ‘The Inter- pany, Hream's Building, Chancery Lane. London, E. C., England, AGENTS. lounge next to him were seated a woman and her dang. the latter next to the smoker. Tho draft blew the ue across the younger woman's face, to which the smoter » matned oblivious or indifferent, Finally, after several gw audible remarks to her mother apropos of the rudeves ¢ men in general, which passed rapidly into a somewhat bec} comment on this smoker tn particular, turning savages, the tormentor, {she said : If you were my husband, do you know Jd prise your? And do you know, madam,” replied the man, aux removing his clgar, “were you my wife, Id take a polson?"—New York Tribune, A PareR published in Guadalajara, Mex Gacta, part in English and part in Spantsh, prints» promluent place the following : A CARD. Wil the gentleman who embraced my wife at the trance to the postomice about nine o'clock Thursday even Please send me his photograph for my * Album of Heresy He will greatly oblige, Lue CLERK : drunk, Wrtre (supporting his “ weary" friend): 1 know bel What of that? CLERK (scornfully); This 1s a temperance hotel Wyte: Well, he’s too drunk to know the dliference —Phitadelphia Pra You can't’ get a room for him hei Teacnier: Tommy, where 14 the North Pole? Tomay : Don't know. * You don’t know ?"* m, If Peary and w do you expect me to know where tt 1s?” —Narvard Lamy. ECROVEAN AGeNTS—Menare. Brentass, ST Avenue de I'Uvera, Paris. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md, Works, Camden, ¥. For Sale by all Stationers. THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. 28 san %, tev tet 2. STEEL PENS The Easiest Writing Steel Pes Made. } novelties, treeon request. CUFFS HELD by the Improved Washburne fatent Cuff Holder can be { Placed Just where you want them Will never elip bat may Felesned. Drawers’ Supporters, } easily adjusted or taken olf, ex: Golleat. fur holding wolf trutsere By mail, € coats the pair, Cater logue showing these and other American Ring Co. Box 58. Waterbury, Conn, E. P. MC KISSICK, Proprietor. Acknowledged to be the best appointed and most perfectly kept all the year resort hotel in America, The Battery Park GOLF LINKS have no equal in the| House for use of South, either in ma-| Hotel Guests, Beau- terial. attractions. or| tiful drives in every condition. Mr, Ber- : . nard Nicholls. pro-| Hirection. Fine Liv- cry. fessional in charge. ‘Tourists en route either to orfrom Florida may secure tickets reading via Asheville. Send for beau- tifully iustrated pamphlet. Handsome Club OVERHOLT High Standard Pennsy! vania Pure Rye Whiskey. ‘ Bottled in Bond” direct from the barrel at th Diatillery. “Defender of the Rails—The New York Central.”—Utica Heral comicbooks.com