Life — January 11, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

' ern meee teas cngiishman accosted the You. The country ts gon’ to ruin. The old sbip of States) goin’ down grade with all brakes off, mane and tall a-fyta hell hoopin’ Cacuxe me, ladies, but that's Just how sbe] 2. But, thank God, there's bope ye! SENATOR Drew does not tell how the following came to — frequent shallows of the rivers, an be reported te itis such a good story that he uses it salt with th conUnually in distiissing dignified bores or Influential beg: oe kare from his omc ator Was On fils suTnIner vacutle remark stan aptain, that you think nothing of ning across a meadow w.ere there's been a heavy fall — goin’), to Its destruc . Thi & pompous little man called to see him an n WW. Flect me constable, aud I'll settle the whole confounte| 4 the colored porter who guards the outer gates of the “Well, L don't know about that replied the Captain, — atfalr.""—New York Tritune. Depew sanctum ‘but it's true we have sometimes to send a man ahead with s by wrote about the dac! : +L want to see Chauncey Depew,” sald the little man. watering pot.t TUS ls AL the Uoy wrote abont tbe dachahund “The dachshund Is a dorg notwithstandin’ appeerencs| He has fore legs, two tn front ant two behind, ap’ they a on speckin® terms, 1 wunst made a dockshound out of cowcumber an’ fore matchts, an* tt lookt as nacheral as li) Dockstiounds {4 farely tutelligent considerin® thare shay) ‘Thare brains beln’ so far away frum thare tales It bot me was that of the man i them sutn to wag the lattur, 1 wunst noo a dockshound wuz too Impashunt to wate till he cood xlgual the hole len “You caln't, sai. He's gone to Europe, sah.” “ Again, a Southern Colonel was conducted to the theatre + Well, then, Hl Kee hits secretary. * to sce Salvinl's Othello” Hy witnessed the performance “Sorry, sah, but Mistab Duval, he’s done gone to Europe.”* ely, and remarked at the c'oxe ‘Then 1M see Cornelius Vanderbilt That was a mighty good show, and I don’t see but the * He's in Newport, wa," coon did as well as any of en? “Weill, bs W. K. Vanderbilt tn “A third anecdote that charme + No, wat. ‘wport, too." who, being invited to take a drink, n 3 “That so? Then UI see the Vice-Prestdent of the road." 0,40; L solemnly promised my dear, dead mother Yt 8 MINN 4 eaten + He's in Altany, sah" ver to touch a drop; besides, boys, It's too early In the his. Noddy. when he wanted to wax. Bla tae, 80 be may it the Second Vice-President? orning ; besides, I've Just had one." ""— Argonaut, UD. WHR Hie. tle, et when, be: madted.tt to Wag be we Ite's down to Long Isranch, sab." shake his rite ear, an’ when the tale seen It shake {tw In the Superintendent i A CANDIDATE for the oMice of constable In Boone County, wag. But as fer me, gimme a bull pup with a peddygree* e'a out inspectionin’ de road, sab"? ently made the following speech : — Cleveland Plain Dealer, i How about General Paiseiger Agent Daniali?# judles ard gentlemen, for 1 ain glad to see that there “He went away to Cape May dis tinawntn’.”” are some ladies here. No place In the wide world are ladies “Who in thunder Ia running. this road, anyway? % fair of face, #0 Uright of mind or so small of feet as on shouted the litte man, getting very red In the fac Coal: River: «10, odering, myse| Ghee canpidate, am called Well, 1 tell youn, bows,” replied the elon attendant, — f"t0 by the need of the hour, ‘The country ts golng to ruln, Sate yorw road Jes’ rene biteet: enh, 4 hobody THe President has tried to check tt by tssulng bonds, bat the needed “round tu look after things but country needs free silver, Where 1s the man In this vast “Tan sald the guide, “ Is the grave of Adatn.”” Itstortc spot! With reverential awe, nay, with a fe of deep thankfulness, the wealthy merchant tallor on bis ti trip to the Orient drew near and cast a flower on the tomb, « Erring ancestor,” he murmured, I should be the lal man on earth to revile your memory} To your sin Lowen | * dere hall — Saturday Evening Post. audtence (Ihere were Just fourteen present) that dares todeny — PFosertty 1" — CAteago Tritune, ¢ that a double standard ain't better than a single one? Alu'ta Switit: Did you hear about Swift's death t IN his new book, “America To-Day, Willlam Archer double tree better than a single tree? Did you ever see a Brown : No; when did he die? reproduces the following as examples of American hur single man that was any account? This aln't no one-horse “This morning. He died quite suddenly, 1 understand’) | -On board one of the Florida steamboats, which have to country ; It needs all the standards It can git. The President “That's Just ke him, He was the most impulsive mil ve bullt with edingly light draught to get over the ain't been able to help you. Congress ain't been able to help — Lever met."— CAtcago News. by all Newsdealers In Great Heltain. ‘The In ‘Company, Bream's Building, Chancery 1 England, AGEsTs. ECKOPEAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano, St Avenue del'Opera, Paris, Established 1823. To Ladies. Obliged to use a stimulant WILSON | Hunter WHISKEY. Baltimore Rye Is recommended becanee of its Absolute Purity, That’s All! Gentle Mellowness | and Great Age. ILLING CO. je ® Endorsed by Leading Physictans. Ma. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. ‘THE WILSON DI Batt The Christmas Number of LIFE, now on sale, contains the announcements of the following high-class business houses, seventeen and a half pages at $300 the page. Chas. Scribner’s Sons. Reed & Barton. Gorham Mfg. Co. The Century Co. The Evening Post. Colgate & Co. The Macmillan Co. Pearson's Magazine. W. & J. Sloane. Harper & Bros. 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