Life — December 2, 1899 — page 40: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: Tux lawyer asked the witness If the Incident previously alluded to wasn't a miracle, and the witness aatd he didn’t know what a miracte was, “Oh, come!” said the attorney. “Sapposing you were looking ont of a w Indow in the twentleth story of a bullding, and should fall out and should not be injured. What would you call that?" “An accldeut,”’ was the stolid reply. “Yes, mit what else Would you call {t? Well, suppose that you were doing the same thi ext day ; Auppose you looked out of the twentteth story window and fell ont, and il find yoursetf not Injured, now what would you call that?” id the witness, the lawyer began again, “want you to understand what a 1 I'm sure you do. Now, just suppose thaton the third day you were looking out of the twentieth story window and fell ont, and struck your head on the pavement twenty stories below and were not to the least injured. Come, now, what would you call It? “Three times?” sald the witness, rousing a little from his apathy.“ Well, I'd call that a habit.” And the lawyer gave It up. -The Green Bag. © Uf was Just after our little dinner broke up,” went on Mr. Goodwin, “ when one of the English gentl :*Don't you know, I'd like so much to understand the se ret of your American hiinor, You people langh at tt, and T haven't @ doubt It roaringly fuuny, Luton me life! 1 can't make out how itis! Can’t you tell me?’ “+ Why,! F sald, a bit batted by the dimiculty of answering, * I can’t lecture under ; but Il give you an example, and give tt to you slow. his would be @ fatr specimen of the American joke. ts another and asks : son tell me where the postoffice ts?" jes the second, and then walks away, Repenting a bit, he returns tor and asks: * Did you really want to know where the postoiice ts 1" Tid not! quietly retorts the other, and walks away tn his turn. “Now, that,’ Texplatned, ‘might be called an illustration of American humor. Do you get the Idea? Do you catch the dritt?? “+L eaten it; they were both blooming rude,’ sald my Briton; ‘but T can't see where any Joke creeps In.* “And so,” «ald Me. Goodwin, In conclusion, “I gave him ap."—The Verdict, A TeRKISH man-of-war was ordered to Malta, When the captain had got his ship clear of the Bosphorus, tt struck him that t would be as well If he knew where Malta wis for he had not the slightest idea, So he inquired of @ passing vessel, whose captain ston the chart, But the Turkish captain preferred to follow # vexse ew was about to sall for that port. on, and when It cleared off the vessel tn front was no longer the sume, though the captain knew tt not. For days he followed the ship, and at |) last reached port, when, addressing the authorities that came on board, he sald : . | presume?” “Ob, no," was the reply. “This ts Liverpool.” —Stray Stories. “ILL TEACH YOU HOW TO KISS, DEAR,” SANG THR VOCALIST. (Needless to say the afer was not accepted.) Registered Trade Mark. A STOCK OF Handkerchiefs Abundantly Inclusive N fascinating new combinations of fine, sheer linen lawn, with exquisitely modish French embroid- eries and elegantly artistic laces, hand made in Europe and the Orient, is now ready at “THE LINEN STORE” Whatever is most tempting to axsthetic and elegant tastes, as well as to those sensible people who while appreciating beauty are always practical regarding usefulness and value, will be found here. James [icCutcheon & Co. 14 West 234 Street, New York. If Going Northwest TAKE New York Orrice: 381 Broapway, Boston OFFICE : (309 WASHINGTON STREET. A. C, BIRD, General Trame Manager, GEO. Il. HEAFFORD, General Passenger Aget! Cuicago, Te Electric Lighted, Steam Heated and Flush Vestibuled Trains.