Life — December 2, 1899 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TWO MINDS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT, upon your temperate habits, but a habit has seized upon you beside which hen fever is a chill. In a richly-furnished parlor a maiden, too beautiful to attempt a description of her charms, sits and walks alternately. Upon her head is a bridal veil; in her bands a piece of wedding cake, She is awaiting the coming ¢f the man who fs to wed her. He has made an appointment to wed her this day. What can be keeping him? She is surrounded by scores of well-bred guests, who ever and anon help themselves to nunks of wedding cake. In this way they express their annoyance at the delay. Ah, if the bride that is to be but knew what it is that delays the groom, she would better throw him off forever. At last, two hours late, he stalks into the room, with a brassey grasped in his hand, and, walking up to the refreshment table, he puts the ball in the tea and lets drive. The ball vanishes through a plate-glass win- dow, and, with the crash of broken glass, the young man comes to his sensesand ‘3 married. But theardor of the game is upon him, To-morrow morn he will hic him to a haber. dasher's and purchase a scarlet coat, and the bride of a day will become that saddest of all things in our social economy —a golf widow, Oh, young man, be warned by this example. Look not upon the golf ball when it is round. Touch not the bag with a stick in it, Hymen's links may light you to a happy married life; Ilymen’s links may bind you in love forever, but the golf links will be the missing link between love and indif- erence. Charles Battell Loomis, tiny balls as fast as they can saunter, come into view, Each One putts and calls to the other, and the click of their brasseys as they punt the balls forward is inspiriting in the extreme. Three of them wear the scarlet coats of the chronic golfer ; the fourth is attired in a sober business suit. One can tell by the frequency with which he strikes the earth and by tho crazy gleam in his eye that he is a beginner who is undergoing successful inoculation. I, who know not the game, cannot tell with accuracy what be is doing, but he is delighted to think that he can do it. Ever and anon he sends the ball out of sight among the black alders and then for half an hour the caddies seek it and his fellow players pump ardor into him. Itis a great game. He started out at cight this morning to “go around once,” and now the sun, like a big Buff Cochin, is setting in the west and he is still at it. Ah, young man, you do not drink, and you pride yourself SAVE TIME, TROUBLE AND EXPENSE! Try our New Patent... AUTO-CHRISTMAS. Why wear yourself ont working, when you can find ease, comfort and pleasure in our Invaluable invention? Send in your order early. State age and sizeof each member of your family, and each expected guest. Then we will send you u complete, self-acting, fireproof . Auto-Christmas that will do all we claim, or refund your money. The machineruns by ‘electricity, and, if set up and adjusted the night before Christmas, it will fill the children’s stockings. Then, during the night, it will decorate the house with holly wreaths, and will place a icbooks.com