Life — December 2, 1899 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

afterward, you know,” he said, grudg- ingly. “To be sure,” replied his mother, and, having by this time completed her toilet, she rang the bell for the elevator and set out for the palace. As might be imagined, there was quite a crowd going in that direction, and anyone, upon arriving at the royal residence, would have been sure to mistake it for a department store on bargain day. Every court, ball, and apartment was packed close with women in gala attire. Naturally, many of them belonged to the class popularly known as “ beggar-maids,” for, despite the require- ment of aristocratic birth mentioned in the ‘ad,” it was difficult to believe that traditional usage would be entirely set aside, and, besides, it was a notorious fact that, once wealthy, it was the casiest thing in the world to find that a beggar- maid, or a politician's daughter—or anybody, in fuct—was just full of royal blood—in disguise. ‘There was also quite a sprinkling of adventurous princesses from neighbor- ing kingdoms, for the king was not so very old, and his pleasant disposition and domestic habits made him quite a catch from the standpoint of certain so-called new ideas then prevalent among women, but now happily extinct. A number of spectators, too, were on hand, and, oddly enough, one of the first persons the widow saw, when she en- tered the palace, was her own god-son. This disturbed her somewhat, but, bear- ing home injunctions in mind, she bowed pleasantly but distantly, and looked in the opposite direction. The fact that a herald was at that moment making a proclamation, rendered these social tactics easy and natural. The substance of the proclamation was that, in view of the unexpectedly large number of suitresses, the difficulty of making a selection and the unwillingness to offend anybody, the affair would be put on acompctitive basis, Certain tasks would be prescribed; the successful candidate would receive the king’s hand, the unsuccessful ones would get the executioner’s—which was the simple method then in vogue to prevent all heartburnings and dissatisfaction on the part of the people who failed in such contests, The princess sat on her throne and waited for the house to clear up; but *LIPE not 8 person stirred, which was quite different from what would have hap- pened had the candidates been diffident male suitors, Thereupon, after waiting adecent time, she directed her father to stand at her right hand. and the exe. cutioner at her left, and ordered the contests to begin. The genealogical tests were passed with a rush by everybody except one extremely pretty and modest looking young lady, who seemed a little uncer- tain when she got four generations back. The princess eyed her curiously for a moment and gave orders to begin the examination in higher mathematics, Here, too, all passed triumphantly, being without exception graduates of female colleges—that is, all passed except the pretty young lady mentioned above, who got very badly tangled up with Storm's theorem, and finally threw it aside wit. the remark that it was a ‘mean old thing, and wouldn't be of any carthly use to a woman unyhow.” The princess frowned, and matters began to look serions, Then they adjourned to the royal links, but the golf contest resulted exactly like all the others. It was re- quired that everybody should make each hole in a single drive, the contestants being allowed to count for themselves, All succeeded again save the sume young lady, who finished the nine holes with a score of forty-three, and remarked exult- antly that it was the best she had ever done on those links. So it went on with unvarying results, except that in the wheelwoman's fancy tourney, the girl who had failed so sys- tematically actually refused to ride. on the absurd pretext that she didn’t look well on a wheel, To be sure, none of the rest did cither, but ¢cy all had strong, masterful characters, and acted just as if they didn’t know how ungraceful they were, Finally, all the contests were over, and the judges announced that everybody had succecded in everything—everybody except one, The princess seemed nonplussed, and the situation seemed worse than ever. All of the successful candidates were talking at once, several were making set orations, and a bargain-counter move- ment upon the throne and the monarch seemed imminent. During the confusion, however, the gnome had taken occasion to slip up to 459 “The gnome had taken occasion to slip up to the princess and propose to ber.” the princess and propose to her, which was so unprecedented and untimely that she promptly accepted him, whereupon he called her attention to the fact that, really, the only basis for settling the stepmother imbroglio was to give her father's hand to the young lady who had failed, she being the only unique person among the contestants. ‘And execute all the others?" cried the princess glecfully clapping herhands. “No,” said the gnome, ‘Why not compromise with them on the basis of suspending sentence?” This suggestion appealed at once to the logical sense of the princess, and proclamation was made accordingly. ‘The widow and her son were naturally highly indignant at the gnome, who could give no excuse for his conduct except that the young lady he had helped was an utter stranger to him, and that he had no idea that bis foster-mother in- tended entering the contest. So the gnome married tbe princess, and the young lady who failed in every- thing married the king, and, curiously enough, before six months had passed, the quecn was managing the kingdom and her husband and her stepchildren and everything and everybody, and not one of them all ever suspected it or ever dreamed of being dissatisfied. comicbooks.com