Life — November 16, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CYCLING COMEDY. cycling, calling, Courting coy Clarissa comes. Consternation! carrtage crawilog, Captain Corker! Crikey! Crumbs t Coachman, ailing, erying, chiding 5 Coasting clerte cannot clear; Crash colossal, clean colliding, Checking clerics crazed career. Caleb Corker, cotnless captain, Carelessly Clarissa calls, Coarsely cursing charging chaplain, Called contemptuously * Chawles.” Culm Clarixa comes condoling, Consures Caleb's coutumely ; Curate’s crimson cuts consoling, Comforts “Chawles™ cousumedly. Captain Corker etrcumvented Ureeps crestfallen, can't compete Ciarts cheertal, * Chawles™ contented. Consummation, cure complete. — London Truth, Jupar Write, tor years one of the most prominent figures upon the district bench, Is sttll [ving in Washington, and, although he has passed by more than a decade the Umit of threescore and ten, he sull ear and tell a good story. Only the other day he was relating to an appre lative audience tales of bia prowess at hunting deer in the Pohick woods at the time when that region abounded to game What, you hunt deer at Pohick, Judge?” asked one of bis auditors, himself a mighty hunter, “Why, if I were « Pohick deer and should meet you unexpectedly tn the woods, 1 would fly to your arms for protectiou,"—Haltimore News, npany, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, O., England, AGENTS. “BRAUTIVUL, my dear." The elderly millionaire who had married the famous beauty regarded the watch-chain admiringly. “A very delightful birthday present,” he continued, beaming upon his falr young wife. “So massive, and yet In such excellent taste." “Tai so glad you ike 1t," she observed. “It was 80 cheap, too, Just think, tt cost only fifteen dollars.* “Only Afteen dollars!" echoed the millionaire tn aston- Ishmen Fifteen dollars for this sotid gold chat “ON, of course It tan't nolld gold," she Interposed. could never get a solld gold chain for that price.” What ts it, then?" “Why, gold filled, to be sure.’* *Tsee,” sald her hustand, stroking his chin refectively. “But why this sudden streak of economy? Don't you think IT can afford a solid gold chain > “Of course you can,” she assented, guaranteed to last for ten years, and—and + Well,” sald the millionaire, tnquiringly. “ Well, dear,* she coucluded, after some hesitation, “as that Is quite as long as you are likely to live, I thought It would be foollsh extravagance to pay any more.” —Woman's Home Companion, ‘THR Christian Sctentist was not able to cure my stomach ache aud my cold; but the horse doctor did tt. ‘This convinces me that Christian Sctence claims too muc! To my optaton tt ought to let diseases alone und contine Itself to surgery. There tt would have everything Its own way. ‘The horse doctor charged me thirty kreutzers, and I pald him; tn fact, | doubled It and gave him @ shilllog. Mrs. Puller brought ta an itemized bill for a crate of broken bones: mended tn two hundred and thirty-four places—one dollar a fracture, “ Nothing exists bat mind?” “You bat this one ts “Nothing,” she answered. “All elso ts substanceless, All else ts Imaginary.” I gave her an imaginary check, and now she ts suing me for sulstantial dollars. It looks Inconstatent. — Mark Twain in The Comopoiitan, ON® of the applicants for @ consulate In Japan, white Jaines G. Blaine was Secretary of State, was the late Samuel Kimberley, of Batthmore, who dled tn the service tn Centra America, After he had presented his credenttals, Mr. Bialne ald : +L should like to appoint you, Mr. Kimberley, hat I have made {ta rule to recommend no one who does not xpeak the language of the country to which he 18 sent. Do you speak Japanese?” *Cert-t-tainly, Mr. Blaine,’ stammered Mr. Kimbertey; “waask me sa-something in JJJupanese and Il aoe answer you.” Mr. Blaine had not a word to say, bat the Japanese post went to another man, all the same, and Kimberiey went to Central Amertca, One day Kimberley met a young woman, who threw her arms impulsively around his neck and kissed him. Seeing ber mistake, she drew back and angrily asked? “ Aren t you Mr. Jones?” “N-no-no, madam," repited Kimberley, bowing, “I'm n-n-not, but | w-w-wish to thunder 1 w-w-was."— 41 yond, A PROMINENT San Josean reached the Third Street dept of the Southern Pacific Company in an tnetwisted condition, and asked for “a first-class ticket, please.” “Where do you want to go?” sad the ticket clert, somewhat potntedly. ‘There was w pause, while the inebriated one muggty reflected, and then he blandly and politely asked : “What tratns bave yout "— San Francisco Ware, RCuOPrAN AGeNTS—Messre. Brentano, Opera, Paris. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! | ss THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore Md. of the THE CHRISTMAS NUMBER OF LIFE "Needful We take our whiskey as we need it, but always like the Hunter Baltimore Rye Purest Whiskey The Purest Type WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, 4. is now being prepared, and the announcements of high-class ‘business houses are solicited for its advertising pages. This is an extra issue, consisting of forty or more pages of up-to-date illustrations and letter- press. and $300 for full page. No advertisement will be accepted occupying less than one- quarter page. The price is §75 for one-quarter page, $150 for half page, This issue will contain a large double page illustration and other drawings by C. D. Gisson, whose exclusive services belong to Lir The cover, to be printed in colors, will be designed by G. Maxrietp Parrisu. There will be a prize story in this number entitled “The Princess’ Stepmother,” by Tupor J Gitpert in his most effective and striking manner. The array of cont utors in this special number of Lire will not be equaled by any Among many others may be mentioned E, S. Mart » Rospert Brive , AGNES REPPLIER, ks and DurrieLp Osrorne, and illustrated by C. ALLAN eriodical in the world. as, S. Metcare, Tom Masson, Marcuerite Merrincton, M. E. W., Mapetine S. Bripces, Carotyn WeLts, and Kate MASTERSON. Advertising orders and copy for this issue should be sent in early, in order to get good positions and have plenty of time to have proofs revised. LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 19 WEST 31st STREET NEW YORK CITY comicbooks.com