Life — September 14, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hap Edward Noyes Westcott not relished a fanny story, “David Harum” would not vow be maklog America laugh from ocean to ocean. Rustic folk always appealed to him— the funny side of them. He was especially fond of telling of the people who lived near Skaneateles Lake, particutarly of a certain hotel keeper at Glen Haven, at whose house Mr, West- cott and his family often stayed tu si time. This man’s table lapsed Iuto such & condition that no one could look upon the viands and eat thereof. The guests’ complaints slipped tnnocuously from the landlord's back be- cause of bis tmpenetrable conceit, Ills constant and trrt- tating brag was to the effect that bis hotel was one of the best Kept and most luxurious tn the country. It pleased cer- tain guests, including the Westcotts, to stay there, and so a plan was hit upon to better its matters. All would club together and send the self-satisfied landiord on a littie Journey {nto the world, so that he might be educated into realizing What a good hotel should be, While he was gone the guests ate with patience the stale tinned food, knowing the time of dellverance was at hand. Finally the man returned from his trip, and was met by an expectant throng on the piazza, which seemed to be saying breathlessly, “Well? Waal,” said their host, thrusting bis hands deep tn trousers pockets and teetering on his toes, “I've ben away, I've ben to yer Fifth Avenue Hotel, I've ben to yer Thonsand Istands, an’ all the rest of ‘em; but 1 can tell you what, I'l Let this Ls the only hotel from Matue to Georgy wher you kin get seven kinds of ple for dinner!” And so saying, be puffed himself still larger with tmpregnable concelt, and the crest- fallen boarders went back to thelr husks.—A(nare's, Ar Langtry, Texas, Squire Roy Bean, who administers Justice and keeps the leading saloon, had to sit In Judgment on one Jim Anderson, & red-headed ratiroad clerk who had killed Ab Ling, a laundry man, for, as he claimed, insulting him. Anderson was arrested and brought before Magistrate Bean, who listened to the evidence, which was given by the accused himself, and then proceeded to turn the pages of the Revised Statutes. “This here book, which Is a Texts law book,” he announced, says thet hommyside ts th* killin’ of a buman, male ur female. They 1s many kinds of hommy- slde—tmurder, manslaughter, plain hommyalde, negl'gent hommystde, Justif"ble hommyside an’ praiseworthy hommy- side. They ts three kinds of humans—white men, niggers an’ Mexikins. It stan's to reason thet a Chinym'n alo’t human. Ef a Chinym’n was homan, killin’ of him would come under th’ head of pnitseworthy hommyside. Th* pris‘ner ts discharged, on conditions thet he pass fr havin’ th’ Chink buried.” Stace this dectston, the laundry work of Langtry has been done wholly by Mexicans.—Exchange, At Lamarque’s funeral in Parts the crowd took ont Gen- eral Lafayette’s horses, as the famons soldier was returning home from the service, and drew his carrtage to his hotel with many evidences of enthustastic love and admiration. The scene was a stirring one, and a friend In referring to tt some weeks afterward sald, “You must have been very much pleased.” Lafayette looked at him for a moment inatlence, and then said, with a whimsical smile: “ Yes, I was very much pleased —very much pleased, indeed. But I never saw anything more of my horses, my dear friend.""—Argonaut. Exctremest {s often the cause of strange telegrams, a well as of other strange mantfestations, Aman who bad been one of the passengers on a shipwrecked vessel was rescued almost by a miracle. On arriving at a place from which he could send a telegraphic message, he forwarded the follow- ing despatch to his brother: “Iam saved. ‘Try to break tt to my wife.""—Youth's Companion. “$m,” sald the editor of the saffron-hued newspaper to his heavy editorial writer, “1 wish you'd Knock off un ed\- torlal pointing out the beautles of arbitration for the settle. ment of strike diMiculties.”” “With pleasure," said the heavy, humbly; soon as the nolse outside subsides." “ What's the racket "" inquired the editor. Oh," sald the heavy, “It's that disorderly army of news. boys still howling thetr demands for thts paper to settle thetr strike by arbitration."—The Verdict, 1M dott ag GoverNon RooseveLr attended the recent commence. ment at Cornell, and while there was entertained at one of the college fraternity houses. When he was shout to leave, ove of his stam sald to him, “Governor, the boys have an excellent library in the house, and 1 think they would appreciate its enlargement by a copy of sour *Rongh Riders.’ «Teddy, * 1n un outburst of good-fellowship, exclatmed: “All right, boys, I'l be glad to send you a copy with my compliments; the book would be a very small return indeed for your hospt tality.” Whereupou one of the toys repited excitedis: «That's 80, Governor; I've read It "—Argonaut. Ong of the stortes of how Ingersoll fatled to he nomtnated for Governor of Illtnols recounts that a friend entered ols law oMce in Peoria one day and looked over his book-shelves. How much did this cost you?" he asked, looking ats copy of Patne's “The Age of Reaso “The Governorsbip of Illinols,"" was the reply. —The Verdict. LITTLE TomPKINS (on Ais dignity): Marte, I've been good husband to you all these years, Have been patient acd have put up with every humillation, but (flercety) the worm has turned at last—you shall not have my son's trousers cut down for me!—Ezchange, Great Britain. London, E. C., England, AGENTS. ‘The Inter pany, Bream's Building, Chancery Lan FCROPRAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, ¥ Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! ‘THE WILSON DISTILLING CO. Baltimore Md, OLD By 10 years? standing. PURE By naturat process, MELLOW proper storag Hunter BounD VOLUME XXXIII. +6 OF, LIF E NOW READY FOR DELIVERY. Five hundred and sixty pages of text and illustrations. somely bound in green and gold, red and gold, or full black. krico $2.00. The bound volume of LIFE is an ornament to any library. If you have the numbers comprising this volume, we will exchange them for the bound volume for $2.00, Life Publishing Company, 19 West ist Street, N. Y. 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November 30, will be the most Interesting aod In- portant event occurring in Philadelphia since th Centenntal Exhibition of 1976, In uddition to #3 valuable commerclal exhibits it will present ma2y features of popular interest and amusement, Tbe United States Marine Band, Sousa’s Hand, the Bands Rossa, Innes's Band, Damrosch's Orchestra, ax other ‘celebrated tands will furnish muste alter nately, and a Midway Platsance, equal if not supe rior to the famous World's Fair Midway at Caicag®, and comprising @ Chinese Village, a Chives ‘Theatre, acrohats, and customs ; an Oriental VU lage, London Ghost Show, Hagenbeck’s Wild Ask mal Show, Blarney Castle, and many other upigot Presentations, will farnish abundant and diversi Amusement. ‘Arrangements have als been for Mandolin, Guitar and Banjo Concerts, and for grand chorus from the German Singing Socteties. 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