Life — September 7, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Accenraty Washington man congratulates himself on the fact that he has the best wife in the world, To tell the truth, he has not yet settled down so much that he does not enjoy & little whirl “with the boys." Sometimes these celebrations develop Into orgies of magnificent proportions. It is bere that wifey's good disposition asserts itself. When ber bustand comes home in the wee hours and Ls groping vainly for the lantsters, he Is not confronted by un trate spouse at the top of th He Is not competied to listen to x curtain lecture before he Is allowed to sleep off his potations. Ie is confronted by no sour looks when he gets up the next morning with a foveralizzy head, consequently he feels stricken with remorse, je evens things up with his consclence, or tries to, by purchasing flue naiment and varl- ous articles for the feminine totlet in order to make bimself belleve that he ts In some degree worthy of such a wife. But the ge wife herself has come to understand the ing of these gifts, Notlong ago the bushand went to ork on Contact with convivial friends and numerous “high balls” produced a Bacchanalian time that lasted for three days. With sobriety comes re:norse, and the Washingtofian went down to a fash emporium and outdid himself. He bought an elegant dress and trimmings, which footed up two hundred and fifty dol- lars. He expressed them to bis wife aud awatted develop: ments, In a day or two came a letter, It was not very affec- Uonate, It is true, but it was a good long one, It recounted the effects of the recent cyclone at the Capital even 1 vividly than It was described tn the Weather also recetved honorable mention. All the detalls of est neighborhood gossip were fully cited, No mention celpt of the dress lit the body ‘The postscript, always the best part of a woman's epistie, stairs. me business, by all Nowsdenlers In Great Britain ews Company, Bream's Building, Cl London, EB. C., England, AGENTS. consisted of this brtef sentence, which spoke volumes: “ You must have had an elegant time."— Washington Post. Oxce while a man was cating his breakfast on # summer morning he saw an unfortunate fy stuck fast In the batter. His first Idea was to let tt dle by the point of his knife, hut being in the main a kind-hearted man, better thoughts: cume to him, and be decided to save Its life. So this kind, good man tenderly removed the fy, gently scraped the butter off its little legs, carefully wiped its wings with his table-napkin, and, softly stroking Its little back, set it at Mberty. That night the hy woke bim, ‘There was a burgtar! He was Just patting the last of the family silver into his basket, preparatory to carrying it away; but when he saw the owner he dropped bis plunder and fed through the open window, The fy, which had followed the man downstairs, buzzed triumphantly over the basket, and then settled conf- dently upon hts hand. And looking at It closely, the man, by a certain shiny look that lingered set about tts body, saw that It was the same fy ‘that he id rescued from the butter. Ie bad spared its life, and io gratitude it had saved bis sil Thus we see that kind actions rarely go unrewarded. Exchange. HeNny GY CARLETON, the play-writer, stammers badly, out this does not prevent him from holding his own tn any controversy. When he was living near Madison Square, New York, he used to pass daily the New York Club, of which he tsa member, One day one of the young and frivolous mem- bers sald to him: “saw you this morning, Carleton, carrying your poodie through the square. Good exercise, isn't it? But I'd rather let somebody else do tt for me." * Und-doubtedly,” replied Carleton, grimly, even If halt. ingly. “When anyone sees m-me carrying m-my d-d.dog, they say, ‘There g-g-goes Henry G-Guy Carleton with his d-dog.’ But if they should see y-you they'd ask, * W-w who's that Intnfernal {idiot c-c-currying # p-p-poodie —Youth's Companion. A PROMINENT New York lawyer {8 noted for his rv answers and skill In repartee, When a young practitiover be Appeared before a pompous old Judge who took offense at a remark the lawyer made criticising his decision. “If you do not instantly apologize for that remark, Mr, Blank," sald the Judge, “I shall commit you for contempt of Court. Upon reflection, your Honor," instantly replied Mr. Blank, “1 find that your Houor was right aud 1 was wrong, ‘8s sour Honor always 1s."* ‘The Judge looked dublous, hat Hnally sald that he would accept the apology.—Exchange. AN exchange pictures a small boy with a hoe in his band saylug instonatingly to bts father: Say, the fish are biting like everything down to te creek.” Well, sonny," says the father, reassuringly, “you jest keep ou hoeing potatoes aud I guess they wou t bite you." — Youth's Companion. AT A BALL (stenting): Is that champagne corks popping In the dining-room ? It ts the young people In the conservatory."" Exchange. The Inter- noery Lane, Fcnorra! a Avenue deiovers Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! PIE WILSON DISTILLING CO. Baltimore Md. Catalogue free at the deaters or by mall There is no Kodak but the Eastman Kodak, Kodaks make photography simple, easy. $5.00 to $35.00. EASTMAN KODAK CO, Rochester, N. Y. 'ATIONAL EXPORT EXPOSITION, PHILADELPHIA. Reduced Rates via Pennsylvania Pailroad. The National Export Exposttio continues until November 30, will be the most Inter Ting in Philadelphia since the Centennial Exhigitl ment. The United States Marine Rand, Sous and comprising a Chinese Vii Oriental Village, London Ghost Show and many other untque presentations, will Went. Arrangements b and for a grand chorus from the German Singing Socteties, For this occasion the Pennsylvania Ratlroad from all points on Its line, to Philadetphia and re ese Theatre, . Which opens at Philadelphia on ting and Important event occur- 1576, able commercial exhibits tt will present many featares of popular Interest and amuse 's Band, the Banda Rossa, Innes's Rand, Damrosch’s Orchestra, and other celebrated hands will farnish music alternately, and a Midway Platsance, eqtat If not supertor to the famous World's Falr Midway at ( acrohats, Hagenbeck’s Wild Animal Show, Blarne: fornish abundant and diversified amuse- re also been made for Mandolin, Guitar and Banjo Concerts, mpany will sell excursion tickets ara, at ral WEIS Do Frew Ice Crear Dressing 'S AND PALATABLE ADOITION 10 Vantvua tee Crear ASK YOUR WAITER O3 Fon a KREMETTE PUNCH wick 1s MADE 8Y 2 \aooinc KREMETTE To VANILLA Ice CREAM. SERVED PUNCH GLASS. KREMETTE is sou Byatt GROCERS G-F-HEUBLEIN & BRO. souk pRopmicr NEW YORK eptember 14 and. In addition to tts valu. cago, and customs; an Castie, ‘you'll need. of a fare and # third for These aro the caly tecls itis because something has penetrated to the Inglde, and It stands to reason, therefore, that the Inatde of the tire ts Where the puncture should be repaired. THE DUNLOP DETACHABLE TIRE ...... can be opened and repaired on the tn- side, where the work will be effective and ont of sight—not marring the appearance of the tre, No necessity for an expert or an expert's appliances. Booklet of any dealer, or matied on application. The American Dunlop Tire Company Belleville,N.J. + Chicago, 111. ‘the round trip plus price of admission, These tickets will be sold during the continu: Ance of the Exposition, and will be good for return passage until November 30, For specific rates and additional toformation apply to nearest Ticket Agent.