Life — May 18, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How Commopore Scotey got bis first command ts an amusing eptsode in his early career, After leaving the Niagara he was promptly promoted to a neutenancy, and Assigned as executive omcer of one of the ninety-day gun boats, the Owasca, of the Gulf Squadron, Her commanding officer—nts name ts of no consequence, and he Is dead now— Was a devotee of Join Rarteycorn, and pexodicaily had 10 retire to bis cain for repatra, where he usually stayed a week. The Ovrasen was stationed off Mobile, and was one of ‘& small squadron of which Captain James Aideu of the Rich- mond was sentor office ‘One day quartermaster of the Richmond reported to Captain Aiden that the Captain's gig of the Owasca was approacting, and the Captain's pennant dying. Supposing his visitor to be the Captain of the Orrasca, Alden put on bis uniform coat, the side boys were ordered, and the hoatswatn's mate made ready for his three pipes at the gangway. When the Ovcasca’s gig came alongatde the man who sprang up the ladder was Lieutenant Schley. “1 expected to wee Capttin — of the Orrasca,” ward h alight sarcasm, “Lam commander of the Owasca, sir,” satd Schley. * Since when?" asked Alden, + An nour ago, sir.” said Schley. + Where ts Cuptatn — ?° © Locked up th bis cabin, sir, drank." * Who locked him In? asked Alden, “Tdld. [Arst put bim under arrest and then shut bim up in his cabin, Then 1 took command of the ship, and here 1 » report for orders.” Alden was fond of a Joke, and he was at first disposed to langt at the young man’s xnmmary action, but he said: ot I'l give you Ls for you tolower that pennant inthe gig, go back to your ship, sir, unlock that yy ail Newadealers in Great Britain. national News ¢ London, E.C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! ‘The Inter- mpany, Bream's Building, Chancery Lan, cabin door, and restore Captain — to duty. Then report in Writing if the Captain's tines stilt incapacitates mim, and L Will know what to do, Dont be tn too great a hurry to get command of a ship, Mr. Schley."—Pittsburg Bulletin, Sreaken Reen, Senator John Sherman and Congress- man Foote were visiting Lake Champlain, and an active and Imaginative native acted as ctcerons, Snaware of the den. tity of the party, this worthy embellished hits narrative of the Fegton with fictitious historical details, directing hts tallest tales to Mr. Reed. Finatly, Sherman presented the Speaker. ni don't know, sir, that the gentleman ts the Speaker of the Amencan Congress?” “Do tell!" said the native, without any great degree of astonishment. “I've heard something of you,” he continued, addressing Reed. "They do say ax how you he the greatest Speaker that they have ever had. They do ay that you can speak for fifteen hours on a stretcn,” This 1s too much," aad Reed. United States Senator.”— Exchange. Ove day an examiner was listening to & class of Irish boys In London as they repeated Macaulay's * Honatius.!* * Would three soldiers, nowadays," he asked, “ be hkely to hold a bridge against a whote army?" 0, air," the boys answered. Would three Englishmen, for example?” he continued. sir," sttd the class. uid three Scotchmen ‘They again dissented. “ Wouid three Irishinen ?** + Please, sir," shouted an excitable ttle fellow, Iristiman would do it!" —Gornhitt. THE opposing counsel, In crosa-examining the young lor, made several sarcastic remarks, doubting the ability “He takes me for & Of 80 young a man to understand his business. The resutt Proved the young physician to be as quick-witted as the learned counsel. “Do you know the symptoms of concussion of the brain?” “1 do," replied the doctor. “Well,” continued the attorney, “suppose my tearned friend, Mr. Baging, and myseif were to tang our heuds together, should we get concusston of the brain?" “Your learned fend, Mr. Baging, might," sald the doctor.— Argonaut. Rvpyanp Kirtixa's maternal grandfather was the Rev. George E. Macdonald. Itis related of mim that in the days when he was courting the lady whonl be afterward marnea, the father-tn-law-to-be—an aged Methodist, with extremery strict notions In regard to the proprieties— was Injudicious enough on one occasion to enter the parlor without giving any warning of his approach. The consequence was that he found the sweethearts occupying w single chair, Deeply shocked by this spectacle, the old man solemnly satd : © Mr. Macdonald, when | was courting Mrs. Brown she sat on one of the room and 1 on the other." Macdonaid’s reply was: “That's what I should have done if | had been courting Mrs. Brown.''—E£xchange. APTEK& man has taken @ girl to the theatre as often as six tines, and called upon her with chocolates in bis pocket, she begins to see @ resemblance in him to her favorite hero 1a & novel. Atchison Globe. A wrrvess In the court In Dubiin was recently asked. * Was Michael Flaherty your grandfather?" He was till a bull killed him,” sald Mr, Flaherty. — Youth's Companton, «AGE: ri rs—Messra. Brentano 37 Avenue de Oper: PURE FLAVOR LIFE FOR ONE YEAR. LIFE’S EASTER AND CHRISTMAS NUMBERS. AN ARTISTIC PROOF FOR FRAMING. LIFE’S BOOK OF DAINTY VERSE. ILLUSTRATED. LIFE PUBLISHING @6O., $5.00 19 WEST 3ist STREET, NEW YORK.