Life — April 27, 1899 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT A DIPPICULT GAME. Ploh. Goppas! Just aS 1 caTcH ONT, UF SLIPS FROM MY FINGERS. IMPORTANT DOMESTIC STATISTICS. An up-to-date mathematiclan figures that the nse of tele- phone service In a private house adds 87 per cent. to the time avallatle for social or intellectual pleasures, Increases the sweetness of the temper 4714 per cent. by conjuring awkward emergencies of all sorts, and prolongs the expectancy of life 5.875 per cent., owing to the removal of dally friction and the sense of perfect security obtatned. Message rates make the service absurdly cheap, considering these important results. Prerry Teactien (intent on the lesson): And vast swarms of files descended on the land and came Into the houses of the Egypttans an red thelr clothing and their tables and all thelr food, hut (impressively) there were no files on the children of Israel. SMALL Roy: Please, ma‘am, there ain't now, elther. —Hartem Life. MODERN CIVILIZATION. It ts observed that nature's supply of food for Infants ts tacking In the highest elvilization; hut the defictency t# per- fectly supplied by the use of the Gall Borden Eagle Brand Condensed Milk. “Wnew Bilford went West he told me that as soon as he had settled down and pulled himself together he would write to me, but I have never heard from him.” “Rilford was blown up in an explosion of dynamite three months ago. He may have settled down, but I don’t belleve he has pulled himself together yet —Chicago Tribune. THE HOTEL “ THORND KE," BOSTON, opp, the Public Gardens. Uneqnated advantage of central location and attractive surroundings. European plan “So OLD Yabsley ts dead, eh? Did he leave ansthing?”” “Yes. Well, weit! It broke his heart todo it, but he left everything.” Exchange. Imperial Extra Dry Cham- the numbers are rolling up Cook's and Mituioss drink pagne every year, with a rush, ‘Tue elder Sothern once saw a notice In a country inn that a convention of clergymen was to meet there the next day. Fach clergyman upon arrival recelved a note, signed with the landiord’s name, requesting him to say grace at dinner, the signal to be @ bell rung tn the oMice, Sothern bad noticed that the landlord sounded a bell every day as the guests seated themselves for dinner. Everything went off to Sothern’s complete satisfaction, The bell rang, and up rose every clergyman and began grace, then stopped, looking askance at the others, Some began again, some sat down and got up aguin. The scene for some minutes was one of confased bobbing up and down, with mutterings, The land- lord stared In astonishment, and Sothern put on a look of polite anstety and surprise, He left the ton that day. —argonaut. MIS OWN WORST ENEMY. Such ts the man who neglects health and enjoyment in a dreary, monotonous round of dattes. Health 1s too valuable & possession to be hazarted, and health without good spirits ts as scenes of beauty to sightless vision, We may not be gifted. Gentns—aye. even talent—may he lacking, but health, the greatest of all blessings, ts still with us, to preserve or abuse. The heights by great men won and kept Were not attalned by su fignt: e thelr compantons slept, Were tolling upward In the night, Amid that tolling a need 1s constantly felt for rest, and a diverting, as well as a strengthening. influence. It follows that the professional man, the inventor, the merchant as weli as the savant, require something In the nature of @ stimulant for both mind and body. Scuppernong, a native North Caro- lina wine, satisfes this need. Delicate of flavor and tonlc in {ta effects, tt stands pre-eminent and alone to-day as the healthiest and purest of table wines extant, Price List on application. Correspondence from private trade solicited. Address Mail Order Sates Department, Garrett & Co, Chockoyotte, N. C. (near Weldon). Mies Staxpisn: How dost thou like married life? JoUuN ALDEN (meekly): Well, Priscilla no longer says “Speak for yourself, John."—Princeton Tig'r. HOTEL VENDOME, BOSTON. Accessible location, excellent table, prompt service. “So you don't like candy? How ts that, Wille? “Three fellers has been stuck on me sister fer two years." —Princeton Tiger. HE EXPLORER. + Where have you been, Jack? It ts ages since we have seen you. “Oh, Lbave been on a voyage of discovery." * Really—you, the gay boy? And where, pray?” “To Japan, my old fellow, Yes, even as you see me, 1 have been to Japan, having been seized with a sudden desire to study the fora of that marvelous country.” 1s that the name of some pretty girl?" “What a fool you are! I discovered and have breathed in the Funkia da Japon, that rare flower of which Uriza- Legrand has extracted his#ast and finest perfume, which he calls by that name—to be had of all perfumers and druggists —and which is pow the rage in the two Americas.” “There's something the matter with this bar, sald the man who was learning to ride the bicycle to the dealer who had lately sold him the wheel. ‘It looks to me as if tt might snap In two at any time."” “oh, [think not," sald the manufacturer's agent. “1 think not, sir, At any rate, if {t should break, we will, of course, provide you with a new one.” * And who do you think will comeand get it?” demanded the beginner, with considerabie heat. ‘My heirs?” — Youth's Companion. Tux, oMicers in the American Navy who were educated at Annapolis were not only educated to be soldiers, but to be gentlemen. An ofMicer on the Olympia now at Manila, sent to Boston the other day for a patr of the old rettabie + Boston Garters.” He knew the feeling of “caste” which wearing them gives. “ Daw’s one of de smartest mules tn dts city,” announced the proud possessor of an ashcart to one of bis patrons. “He unde’stands eb'ry wo'd I sas, same like he wa’ a pusson,”” “Iardly, I guess. Tell him to go aheada little." “Git up dar, Sunshine!” and the mule began to back. “Look at that, now.” “Pat's what I'se tellin’ you, boss. Ef dat mule don't unde'stan’ me puefect, how do he know how todo de opp’ site every time? He never miss since 1 had nim, boss. Boston Beacon, A WONDERFUL NEW DISCOVERY WrICH MAKES NICOTINE HARMLESS, Among the many discovertes of modem sclence, none ts really more widespread in interest than that of Dr. Hugo Gerold, Professor of the Untveraity of Halle, Germany, who ts acknowledged to be the greatest authority in nicotine potson- ing in Germany. For many years the foremost sctentists have been trying to discover some process which would take the nerve polson out of tobacco, but with no result until Professor Gerold hit upon the formula which neutralizes the tnJurious effects of nicotine without affecting the favor or aroma of the tobacco. Cigars made under Uits process sprung Into Instant popu larity in Europe, and fifty-two miltions were sold last year on the continent and smoked by all classes, from the peasant to the Czar of Russta, who smokes them entirely under the advice of the imperial physictan. Health Cigars are now being sold In this country, being manufactured by the Health Tobacco Company, whose offices are at Fifth Avenue and Forty-second Street, New York. These cigars have been universally recommended by physiclans and medical associa- tions, and are proving @ veritable boon to ail smokers. DID YOU EVER COLLECT STAMPS?— There ts much pleasure and money init, For only & eente we will start you with an Atbuc jan 6 differentetamps from Cuba, Phil. tal, orto itico, cuccarnt our sopagelish ci We Bay Stam pe Meedard Stamp Co,St.Loel, Be Perfection! of Quality; ith | Absolute | Purity Leghorn, Italy. Established 1836. Actual Size on your wheel. CYCLOMETER fey2cnucctutas your watch. Ono measures distance, the other time—both aro essential factors of ev- ery business or pleasure trip. To every cyclist the Veeder Cyclometer is a necessity. Its merit has elim inated competition —805 of modern cyclometers are ‘eederCyclometers br A Sction. Oathe= Trip" Cychometet, price @8.t% OT. small tndicstoe canbe set OY wack to zero separately ke s,atemeetting watch, Sher each inp. Party cannot ferone aitmanged. | Can not fegister falsely’ waless sctually brekem. No Springs. Nodebeate parts. Made for 24, 20, 28, and “S0-lach’ Whee VEEDER MFG. CO., HARTFORD, CONN. To Make Assurance Doubly Sure, That you get really the BEST whiskey possible, buy only OLD CROW RYE. It’s pure, wholesome, and cannot be equaled. Buy only of dealers, H. B. Kirk & Co., N.Y. reliable comicbooks.com