Life, 1899-02-09 · page 15 of 20
Life — February 9, 1899 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two main satirical pieces from Life magazine's early period (likely 1890s-1900s, based on references). **"A Sword for Sampson"** argues that Admiral Sampson deserves Congressional recognition equal to Admiral Dewey for his naval victories. The satire critiques Congress for delaying Sampson's sword while awarding one to Dewey, suggesting the delay stems from a dispute over credit—possibly involving Commodore Schley. The piece uses mock-heroic language to pressure Congress into honoring military achievement consistently. **"Life's Pantheon of Popular Pets"** shows marble busts labeled "Jack the Kisser" and "A Secretary of War." These appear to be caricatured contemporary figures whose identities aren't entirely clear from the image alone. The "pantheon" format satirizes how the public elevates certain public figures to near-heroic status. The butterflies and classical poem at top provide decorative, ironic contrast—suggesting elevated artistic taste amid mundane political squabbling.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Atheneé to Charmides. THE RULING rassto: ACK, daring mortal! the veil That hides a goddess? Turn thee to thy flail, Thine oaten reed, and pipe thine amorous lay To rustic maids, upon the sweet-breathed ha Aspire to dryads, steal of nymphs a kiss, When safely hid from dart of Artemis— I, Pallas, spare theo; quick, clude thy fate; And—tell me, is my helmet on quite straight? —Irwin Beaumont. Wouldst thou pierco A Sword for Sampson. ONGRESS should pull itself together and vote C a sword to Admiral Sampson. It has dono as much already for Admiral Dowey. Dewey commanded the floet that smashed Montojo; Simpson tho fleet that smashed Cervera, Of the two exploits, the more important was Sampson's, A sword would have been voted to him before now if it had not been for tho claim that the victory was really “ Jack the Kisser.” LIFE'S PANTHEON OF POPULAR PETS. Scbley’s. That claim won't wash, The npson’s. Fact and precedent agree about that. Of all the work that was well done in the late war, Sampson's was the most important, If we had another war to-morrow, Sampson would hold the most important command inthe navy, He was tried and found compo- tent. Congress, this present Congress, should vote him a sword. T does not take many years for a girl to learn her good points, and fewer still to conceal her bad ones, A Secretary of War. MARBLE STATUES OF UP-TO-DATE GODS, COMPILED BY OCR OWN LIGHTNING CARICATURE CINSELER.