Life — January 19, 1899 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Martyr. RIM, suffering Failure met Success, And, when they were alone, Said Failure, with a fond caress, “Dear ono, how thou hast grown! But thou must tarry not. Farewell! Deserted let mo be. Tam content atono to dwell Since I gave birth to thee.” Life’s Exchange Column. Pr Advertisements (nserted under this head must be received not later than Sam, Mondays, and be accompanied by the cash. OULD LIKE TO EXCHANGE ono Bull-headed and Asinine Young Man, together with an assorted lot of uniforma and costumes, fora Sensible Ruler. Address Genwan Prorie, German Empire, Europe. HREB MILLION DOLLARS (and one daughter) for foreign title Address Mrs. Postttsa Pack Stock Yards, Kansas City, Mo. OULD EXCHA 0 Incompetent Secretary of War for @ Second ‘Term, W.MCK., White House, Washington, D. C. OLITICAL MACHINE, slightly damaged, for a Roosevelt Exterminator. Address Easy Boss, care of U. 8. Express Co., N. Y. City. HREE THEATRE HATS for one Rainy Day Skirt. Address SENSIBLE Wowan, care of Lire. CHANGE One Edition de Luxe of Robert Browning's Poems Address C. M. INE RAILROAD POSITION for Job as U. 8. Senator. DeP., Grand Central Station, N. ¥. City. AMOND KLACE and Trooch, Large Sunburst, for Unsmircbed oTY y, Fifth Avenue, N, ¥. City. NE W.J, BRYAN fora Manof Sense and Brains. Democratic PauTy, United States of America, Here's Richness. A+ A HE New York Times, ( wpe which now hus no superior : as a vehicle of information vs, about the personal concerns of cae, our gentry, tells us that the tapes- tries on the parlor walls of Mr. William C. Whitney’s new house on Fifth Avenue cost a million dollars, and that the faucets in bis best bath- tub are of gold. It is recalled that in the flush times of the New York Journal, when its owner was more prodigal in bis disbursements than at present, it was told that the cock- roaches in the Journal office got seven dollars a week. What salaries the cro- ton bugs in Mr. Whitney's new bathroom get is a detail for the imagination to ‘ brood over, but they must all be diamond backs, ard of the purest breed. It may excite envy in some ill-conditioned minds to read of million-doltar hangings and golden faucets, but persons whose livers are right should find considerable solace in such reports. Itshould help to breed contentment to know that, after all, there is a limit to the comfort that money can buy, and that after that limit is reached and one begins on the frills, there is no money’s- worth obtainable. To be able to get along in comfort without x CALVINISM, “WHY CARRY YOCR GUN? “TRUK; BUT MAYBE THE INDIAN’S TIME 1148 COME. a million dollars’ worth of something is like rubbing elbows with affluence. So as to the golden faucets, We can spare those, too, without a whimper. Mr, Whitney is welcome to them (if he really has any, which Lire doubts), provided he will continue to do his best to expedite travel on the surface of Manhattan Island, and will give us seats in his cars and plenty of trans- fers, Weare proud to think that the nickels we drop in his respected hat enable him to bloom at home in a fashion so delirious, Mrs. Noah: THAT'S ONE OP THOSE NEW HAIR ANIMALS THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. IP YOUR TIME HAS COME YOU'LL BR KILLED.”