Life — January 19, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘Ine was “broke.” However, he managed to reach Van- couver, and, walking into the headquarters’ oltices of the Canadian Pacific, sald to the mauager in charge: “Tam Jim Wardner, and 1 am an old friend of Tom Shaughnessey, Will you please wire him and tell him that lam here broke, ‘and want transportation to Montreal?" The somewhat inpressed with Wardner’s peca- Uar presence and address, telegraphed Mr. Shangbnessey: “Man named Jim Wardner, who says he ts an old friend of yours, wauts transportation to Montreal, Shall I give It to him?” Back came the reply: “ Don't let Jim walk.” Wardner at once obtained transportation, and left on the first tratn for the East. Arriving at Montreal, he called at the general offices of the company to see Mr. Slaugbnessey, re- new old acquaintance, and thank him for the favor granted. A number of prominent Canadian gentlemen were present when Mr. Wardner entered Mr. Shaughnesses's office with a hearty greeting of bis old friend, which was as beartily returned. + Hello, Tom; go glad to see you and thank you “Well, well, Jim, ts this really you?” Then, with the real Shaughnessey twinkle of the eye: Mow under the anager, Mr. T., @ business man, rents desk-room tn his office to Mr. B., whence the following story. “Is Mr. B. 10?" asked a caller. “No,” replied Mr. T., thinking he recognized an un- welcome caller, Well, I'll wait for him," replied the caller, sitting down. At five o'clock he was still waltlog. At five- thirty, still watting. A few minutes before six Mr. T. closed his desk for the day and prepared to go home. The caller ventured to ask (f Mr. B, was likely to return to his oftice that day, Mr. T. answered: “No; he ts ty Sacramento, and will Ue hack next Tuesday morning.” The caller showed no anger. On the contrary, be smiled, “Don't apologize,” he sald ; “my business was not Important, and your office has proved a pleasant lounging place. Fact 1s," he blandly added, “1 suppose I'm coming down with the smallpox, and the doctor told me I must stay indoors and keep warm. Argonaut, AN Illtnots boy was asked to write an essay on Masonry, and here is what he wrote: * King Solomon was a man who lived so many years tn the country that he was the whole push. He was an awfully wise man and ove day two women came to him, each holding to the leg of @ baby and nearly pulling it In two and each claiming It. And King Solomon and that's why there are so many Masons in the wor Papa says King Solomon was a warm member and I th was hot stuf myself. That ts all 1 know about King Solomon."—The Tyler, Some time since we saw an account of how Bismarck, at the thme when {t was thought Germany wanted to get a foot. hold to Holland, was entertaining the Dutch Atntussador with a review of the German Army. A8 one flue Lody men marched by, Bismarck satd to the Dutch Ambassador, “ What do you think of those men?" «Fine soldiers,” sald the Ambassador, “but not enough.” After another body marched by the same Inquiry was pat and the same reply made. Then came the regiment of grens- diers, between six and seven feet tally “What do you think of those? asked Bismarck. “Fine soldiers, but not tall Czough,” was the reply. “What does sour Excellency mean?” sald Bismarck, “I mean that we can flood Holland eight fect deep,” repiled the Ambassador.— News-Letter, tad ADMIRAL SCHLEY recently sat tn a box tn one of the Philadelphia theatres, and every movement he made was heavens did you get here so soon, 1f you were broke?” wasn't feeling right good an “Why, Tom, thanks to sour telegram, ‘Don't let Jim brat have been twins and sto walk,’ of course I was at once furntshed transportation; and he called for tits machete an here fam." “Confound those operators! "—with apparent severtty. “It ts strange they cannot get my messages through cor- rectly!” “Didn't ¥ rupted Wardner. ertainly not. My answer was: watkt1"— Anglo-American Magazine, thy hand. Let the old hag ha haby Twon't have any.? The: baby and go home and wash It He told the other woman to go bullt Solomon's t 1 telegraph, ‘Don't let Jim watk'?" inter. “Dowtt! Let Jim poor {nnocent litte baby, and give each woman a ptece of It, when Ue real mother of the baby sald: ‘Stop, Solomon; stay ple and was the father of Masons, hud seven hundred wives aud three hundred lady friends, dhe sald: * Why couldn't the opped this bother?’ And then d was gotng to Weylertze the watched by applauded. ovation. second act. ave It. If can't have a whole 1 Solomon told her to take the 8 face, for he knew it was hers. chase herself. King Solomon He on the thousands tn the place. If be vowed to an acquaintance, they applauded. If he smiled, wey In fact, the whole evening was an incessant But Schiey’s defeat came at the cnd of ie He arose and started to the next box to call on friends, but be bad not taken two steps before ‘8 deep bass voice from the upper gallery rolled forth: “Let's all go out and take a beer,” placing the acest the “all.” and shook with laughter, while the audience shrieked. The hero collapsed, sank Into a chats, Argunant, For sale by all Newsdealera in Great Britain. ‘The Inter- national News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, EUnOPrAN AcesTs Messrs. Brentano, 3. ST Avenue dei'Opera, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. DALY'S oT ~ MONTREAL Mane Ma ; ~ . Mats. Wednesday and Saturday at IN WINTER | we PAY Is one of the most charming of Ameri} POG T= can cities—quaint and curious, ‘The AGE bright costumes of the Snowshoe Club e and the Toboggan Club enliven every) street, while sleighing and skating are continuous from November to April. Only 12 hours from New York or Buffalo by the All you have guessed about lifeinsurance may bewrong. Ifyou wish to know the truth, send for “How aad Why,” issued | by the Pexx’ Mcrean Live, 91-3-5 Chestout Street, Philadelphia. OLD POINT COMFORT, RICHMOND AND WASHINGTON. Six-Day Tour via Pennsylvania Railroad. ‘The first of the present sertes of personal conducted tours to Old Point Comfort, Ric nd, and Washingtou via the Pennsyivanta| Railroad will leave New York and Philadelphia on Saturday, January 28. Tickets, lug ‘Transportation, meals en Jronte tnt tions, transfers of passengers ce, hotel accommodations at fort, Richt ton, abil e"about Richi . necesstry expense for a period 3 + be sold at pate of $34.00 from New York, [rool Wand Newark, $32.30 from Trenton’; $31.00 |from Phitadelpta, and proportionate nates from other stations, NEW YORK CENTRAL. “America’s Greatest Rarnoap,” For a copy of ‘America’s Gi send a two-cent stamp to George M. Dante General Passenger Agent, Grind Central Static New York. OLD Potxt Comrort ONLY. ‘Tickets to Old Point Comfort onty, inctnding, luncheon on going trip, one and three-fourths days’ board at that place, and good to return direct by regular trains within stx days, will be sold 1a connection with this tour at rate of 315.00 from New York : $13.40 from Trenton ; $12.0 from Philadelphia, and proportionate Tates from other potits, For Itineraries and full tnformation apply to . Ticket Agents: Tourist Agent, 1196 Broadwa is the best Solid Back Hair Brush. |New York; 780 Broad Strect, Newark, No or Geo, W. Boyd, Assistant General Passenger| ROBERT LOWS SON, Mater, veryone with a pair | DoS Agent, Broad Street Station, Philadelphia, old} ¥ comforts and dangers |COLFERS... WOULD YOU LIKE to improve your game a strokes hole? You have lost| tanya hota by uuoecessa'ily bat potting. This can bercorrected Oa great extent and'you cam have no cad of fun dung It; Our putting square veo arranged Seto give y.u perfect practice ia patting, It cam be hed on any carprt or Fug. The cop ts reralation fod you us sour own puiter and golf balla, Pitt tnindece with 1¢ faa wood practice at putting an « sholeaft-rnoon om thelicka. Weabeolutely guarantee That it will Improve your pame-veing atthe same Hime a fascinating amascmeat. Te has proven a great Mtccema an an evening entertainment tor armall part ‘Oa Teeeipt of one dollar in stampa, cheek or P onler, we willvend vou prepal {our pulling equare Any addrean in the United Staten Money retunded if You nro hot comrietely satisfied | Vor sale only bs Aura Cas Gouy Equiranst Com: rant, 2:0. Box No. S01, Boston, Us. Ae RUINART FLORIDA. Fortnightly Tours via Pennsyl- vania Railroad. The mldwinter ex s has begun, The dis- of our Northern winter are directing atteution to the sunny lands of the South. The first Pennssivanta Ratiroad tour to Jack- sonviile, allowing two weeks in Florida, will leave New York and Philadelphia January 24. Excurston tickets, including raliroad trans- |portation, Pullman accommodations (one berth), and meals en route tn both ctrections while trav- eling on the spectal train, will be sold at the. following mites: New York, $50.00; Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington, $48.00; Pittsburg, £53.00, and at proportionate rates from other| points, For ticket: apply to tk Tourist Agent at 1196) Broadway, New York; or to Geo. W, Boyd, As- stant General Passenger Agent, Broad Street| Station, Philadelphia. 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