Life — December 29, 1898 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“PRE HER FUTURE SON.IN-LAW.—Polichinetle, POINTS ABOUT TELEPHONE SERVICE. Telephone subscribers In New York have the use of the best equipped telephone system in the world. Every station has a long distance telephone set and 1s connected to the Central Office by a direct metallic cirouit under- ground line. The rates vary with the amount of use. In private residences and stables the use of the service ts not great, and consequently the cost {s small, but the con- venience is !mmeasurable. The telephone service puts the whole organization of a great city at your fingers’ ends, day and night, Frrexp: Did the doctor help you much? Sick One: Well, he relleved me a little, “How much « Pive dollars."— Wasp. First INGeNvovs Marpen: How do you like my engage- ment ring? Skcoxp 1 you ever had. NOUS MAIDEN: Oh! it Is the prettiest one Judy. SANITARY PRECAUTIONS, Tue Inspectors of the factories where the Gail Borden . Eagle Brand Condensed MUk ts produced have access at all times to the dairymen’s premises, with authority to exact y sanitary precaution, Such care results in a perfect infant food. Jounny (aged siz): I say, Bob, I really belteve I'm gettin’ old. Bon: How's that? “My ma’s pald my fare in the ‘lectrics three times lately without kickin’.""—fuston Transcript, A REMARKABLE PERFORMANCE BY A REMARKABLE TRAIN. The Southern Ratiway, of all routes of travel, offers the best and fastest train service to Aiken, Augusta, Brunswick, Jekyl Island and Florida by elther one of two handsome through trains, leaving New York dally at 4.20 p.t and 12. midnight. “The New York and Florida Limited,” confess- edly the handsomest train tn the world, will go Into service January 16th, It will leave New York dally, except Sunday, at 11.40 a.m., reaching Augusta and Alken early the next day, and St, Augustine in time for lunch, making the run of 1,029 miles in but litte over twenty-four hours. A remark- able performance by @ remarkable train. Full particulars, lterature reservations, ete., of A. S. Thweatt, FE. P 2 York, explained the politiclan, “ When our party wins we take all the credit, and when It loses we put the blame on vomeone else. If we weren't able to do this we would very tkely kick ourselves to death after some elections." —Chleago Evening Poxt. A GIFT OF UTILITY, An Everlasting Remembrance: Waterman's Ideal Foun- tain Pen. All Dealers, or 157 Broadway, New York. “ Wuar’s that button you're wearing?” asked the young thing.“ Not Sons of the American Revolution 1” sald the Major, “+1 should think not. I'm proud of that button. It's the tysignia, the ontward and vistble sign of the largest military society in the United States.” What's Its name?" “Soclety of the First Man up San Juan Hill.” —Ihitadelphta Press. HOTEL VENDOME, BOSTON, All the attractions of Hotel life, with the comforts and privacy of home. A RUSSIAN peasant returning from town, where he had bought a new pair of boots and drank a few glasses of spirits, fell asleep by the roadside and was stripped of his boots by a light-flngered tramp. The fellow’s sleep remained unbroken until a passing wagoner, seelng him lying half across the track, shouted to him to “take his legs out of the way." My legat* echoed the half-aroused sleeper, rubbing his those legs ain't mine—mine had boots on!” —Modern Society. ‘A GOOD NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION, “To use the most conventent writing instrument of to- day, Waterman's Ideal Fountain Pen," L. E, Waterman Co., 157 Broadway, New York. Miss D.: Angelina, why don’t you marry Lieutenant Y— Miss A.: First, because be has no brains; and he can't ride, dance, or play tennis. What could we do with him? * But he awitns beautifally.” “Oh, yes; but one can’t keep one’s husband in an aqua- rium, you know."—£xrchanye. AN ACTUAL OCCURRENCE, Scene: At a pubite school, ‘Tractier: Where ts the Rock of Gibraltar? Buran Boy (rho reads the papers): In Newark, N. J. It 1s owned by the Prudential Insurance Company. Recent receptions of military and naval troops in Eng- land and America emphasize the fact that we ought to wel- come heroes tn some more sensible way than by punching them tn the ribs or crushing tn their hats, “Will you allow us to pass?” an adjutant begged at a Tecent reception, adding, for emphasis, “this Is an ex- President of the United States.” | “Ido not care if he is Hobson!" retorted the rustic who: | blocked the way. “I am not going to have my girl pushed.” —Youth's Companion, “WOMAN'S EMANCIPATION,” At the Women's Club.“ It is essentia, ladles, that our conquest over the sterner sex should be final, and that we should hold in subjection the presumptions Ideas of mascu- Une revolts. To attain this result, I propose to this elegant assembly, of which I have the honor of being the Prestdent, to adopt the ‘Funkis du Japon,’ the Irresistible perfume of Ortza-Legrand. It will be victory for us, and slavery absolute and without mercy for them,” UBIfOAM R the perfect liquid dentifrice, is children’s delight. Its delicious fra- grance and flavor makes cleaning their teeth a pleasure. Many careful mothers preserve the temporary teeth by the daily use of Runifoam thusensuring theirchildren sound permanent teeth. Send zc. stamp for sample rice, nr Address E. OY. Hoyt & Co., Lowell, Mass, 2 vial Address E. W. The Improved BOSTON GARTER Is the recognized STANDARD for MEN’S WEAR. Keeps the Stockin: Free from Wrinkles DOES NOT BIND THE Lies flat to the leg. Does not tear the stoc! ing, and will not unfasten| accidentally. SOLD EVERYWHERE Ik, §0c.| Sapient | Sotto, 290, GEORGE FROST CO, BOSTON, MASS. WATER ky is distilled water. Nothing but distillation will eliminate both organic and inorganic im- purities. An ordinary cook- stove is all you need with THE SANITARY STILL to give you plenty of pure, sparkling water, aerated with sterilized air, Free booklet. Our $10.00 STILL has twice the capacity of others. Write at once for particulars. CUPRIGRAPH COMPANY, 136 North Green St.,Chicag- PURE