Life — November 24, 1898 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FATHER USED TO MAKE. Said a young and tactless hushand To his + If you would bat giv Such a fashtonat And devote more time to cooktng— How to mix and when to bake— Then, peraps, you might make pastry Such as mother used to make, And the wife, resenting, answer (For the worm will tary * If you we know): hut give up horses eof ore time to business— When to buy and what to atake— Then, perhaps, you might make money Suc as father used to mak —The Schoharie Repubtican. ms OF 80 TAIN Mr. Swadielgh, who has a phenomenally large neck, had occasion to change his laundryman. On the Sun- day morning following It was noticed that he was an un- usually long tine making his tollet. He called his wife, and she went upstalrs, “Marta,” sald he, “I wish you would see what ts the matter with this shirt, ‘The sleeves are all wrong, and I can’t find any holes for the collar buttons,” Mrs, Swadielgh gave one look at ft, and went Into a par- oxysm of laughter. orge,” she replied, fututly, “you are trying to put that shirt on wrong side up! The laundryman ched the wrong end of It !"—Ware, ONr. of the most remarkatte features of life 1a New South Wales Is the transformation of criminals Into hard working citizens. Of the thirty thousand settlers there tn 1821, twenty thousand were or bad been convicts. It ts sald that on board an Amertean liner @ boastful Australian asserted loudly and over and over again that “the men who settled Australia were a remarkably sensttile lot." + Yes," xald an American quietly," I have always under- stood that they were sent out by the very best Judges.” —Youth's Companion, The War Department Investigation commitasion should not overlook the fact that Richard Harding Davis, some time ago, charged openly—in the public prints, in fact, and over his own signature—that for days, while the army was tn frout of Santiago, the men did not have the opportunity to take a bath. Now the country wishes to know why bath- tubs and crash towels were not taken wlong. Savannah News. “Ma, Mr. Boxer was xpeakin’ about pa’s gettin’ a medal for the way he fought at Santiago, an’ he satd pa wasn't a natural-born fighter."* + What else did he say?" «Tle sald pa acquired ft all since he was married.”* “Well, you Just run right over to Mr. Hoxer's, and tell him I want to see him as quick as he can get here.” —Clecvtand Plain Deater. Teacter: And now, can any litte boy or girl tell me the name of the man who cried because he had #0 more worlds to conquer? No response. ‘Teacuen: Can't any Ute boy or girl remember? Try and think, It begins with A. SuNILL Voice (from back of room): T know! Ita Algert Pittsburg Buttetin K.P. PENSU AND ComPAN Tie casino Girt in London, By Herself, Edited vy Curtis Danhamn, John Jaspers Seer tery of Edwin Drood.” Collins. Father and son. nel to Charles Dickens's " Mys. By Charles Dickens, Jr. and Wilkle By Arthur Paterson, Armageddon. By Stanley Waterloo. Chicago and New York; Rand, McNally aud Company. The hibtiotaph, and Other People. By Leon i. Vincent, Boston and New York: Houghton, MimMin and Company. An A BC of Golf. By D.W.C. Falls, New York: The Blanchard Press. “Tear ‘you ave a litle sister at your house,” sald Chicago grocer to a small boy the other day. “Yes, str," sald Johnny. * Do you like that?” was querted. *Lwish it was a boy,” satd Johnny, “so 1 could play ‘mis’ with bim, an’ baseball, an’ tag, an’ all those things when he got bigger.” * Well,” sald the storekeeper, “ why don't you exchange your little sister for a boy?” Johnny reftected for a minute, then he sald, rather sor. rowfully: “We can’t now, It's too late. We've used her tour days."—Chicago Trthi Lirtie Gronare: Do your folks ever have famtly prayers before breakfast? Lite ALnent: No; we have prayers before we go to bed, We ain't afraid In the daytime.—/ittsourg Bulletin, Sie: L suppose yon could see deception written on her face? He: No, bat I could see tt painted there.—tWasp, Bullding, Chancery Everyone with a pair Aitireae aes that the GODIVA is the best Solid Back Hair Brush. Lane, BALTIMORE RYE The Purest Type of the Purest Whiskey WN. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. FunoreaN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l’Opera, aris, $ Three of aKind; beat two pairs, but one pair of DALY'S | Every Evening at | A RUNAWAY GIRL |c. D. GIBSON, LIFE’S CHRISTMAS NUMBER, jready December 1, will contain a| ‘Mats. Wednesday and Saturday at2eharming and novel cartoon by beats two pairs of any other make. (J It's in the “graduated” cord ends— Elastic in places for comfort; WYCKOFF, SEAMANS & BENEDICT, 327 Broadway, New York. LIFE is now holding an Exhibition and Sale of some of its Original Drawings at the Galleries of Wm. CLausen, 381 Fifth Ave- nue, between 35th and 36th Streets. Non-elasticin places for durability. Ask your furnisber for the “Endwell” ox cn So. orm ssiple pat posta Yheaper model, the or yor aber’ | CHESTER SUSPENDER co. 3 Decatur Ave., Roxbury Crossing, Mass QOO000000008