Life — September 29, 1898 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE: TUE EUROPEAN SPIDER AND THE YANKEE FLY. Tommy's Idea. OW, Tommy, you've been in swimming again in spite of everything we've told you, and when your father comes home I'll have to get him to punish you.” Such were the awful, and, alas, all too well-worn words that Mrs. Blake addressed to her small and erring nephew, still damp with the fruits of disobedience, one delightful summer evening just as the sun, his too alluring partner, sank to bed in the west io shamefaced, crimson silence. The little culprit stood on one leg and then the other. “Well, I don’t know, aunty,” be declared finally, with all the reckless fire of youth and pleasure, * but I guess the swim was worth the licking. Only I wisht,” he added, with the vain ingenuity of boyish instinct,‘ the licking bad come first, an’ I was just going swimming now.” “I think, Tommy,” continued his aunt, gently, “if you knew bow much it hurts me when you get punished for being naughty so often you'd really try to be a better boy.” “Go along with you, aunty,” cried the ingenuous Tommy; ‘‘you don't mean to say it burts you when I geta licking?” * Of course it does,” “Badt” “Very bad.” : “Then both of us have to smart for te” **Both of us, dear; perhaps I more than you.” Tommy’s face grew very grave, and his aunt flattered berself that at last her lesson had gone home, and her small nephew becn touched where his heart was softest, A long silence followed. Tommy was evidently thinking the thing out for all his small head was worth, Presently he crept up close to his aunt, aud, with the coaxing art that only a boy can use, slipped his arm around her, “Yes, Tommy?” prompted the old lady, with genuine feeling. sure that now at last the floodgates of remorse were about to open and penitence be poured forth, “ What is it, dear?” “Well, aunty, I've been thinking. I don’t see why every time I’m bad we should both suffer for it.” ‘«T was sure, Tommy,” cried his delighted aunt, ‘you would see it in that light.” “So what I was going to say, aunty,” and the arm went tighter than ever around the old lady, “ was—I’d make it up for you all right, you'll see—don’t you think you could talk it over with pa, and fix things up s0’s we could take it more turn and turn about, an’ only one of us smart for it at a time?” HT, 0, Boultbee. The Latest. OLITICIA There is a saying, you know, ‘‘I'd rather be right than Presi- dent.” SoLpren: We say now, ‘‘I’d rather be wrong than Secretary of War.” HE man who has a poor memory can never achieve fame asa wit, because a wit must remember a good thing when he sees or hears it, and he must not say the same brilliant thing twice to the same people, | ATR RARAPAN The Imp: AREN'T YOU A LITTLE TARD ON THAT ONE? The Old Boy: NOT A BIT. ON EARTH HE WAS A NEW YORK MOTURMAN,