Life — August 25, 1898 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE AURORA BOREALIS OF JIM HAM LEWIS, J. Hamilton Lewts of Washington, the man of “ gilded satrap”? and pink whiskers fame, bas gone to the war. The hosts of Spain were marshalled By th ted sapphire seas, Whose Iridescent billows ni pon the Antilles, In the . glorious colors Of their rainbow rhapsodies, ‘They were standing ‘neath the purple, Amethystine sunset sheen ‘That had settled at the twilight Ou the lustrous tropte scene, Like & phosphorescent tribute To thelr red and yellow Queen When, lo! far to the northward upon the heavens a sight, As if a million ratnbows Had poured a food of ght Upon the fading purples Of the fast approaching night. It was as If some Incent And Iluminating hand Had crowned the sinking sunset With a scintillating band Of corruscating colors Radiating sea and land. “What Is it?" erted the Spantards With a superstitions dread, As they watched the gorgeous splendors Of the brilliance overtead, Bedazziing all the heavens In a wealth of pink and red. (Remember his whiskers!) For sale by all Ni sdealers in Great Britain, The Inter- T SEISSORS AT NvLLy “It’s a wondrous danger signal Foreshadowing a storm; ‘The aurora borealis,” Came the answer, quick and warm, “Of Colonel Jim Ham Lewts In his brand-new «ntforin.” Then the red and yellow Spantards In the purpling shadows sit By the sapphire sea, and, weeping, Take tn their sign and quit. —W. J. Lampton, in New York Sun. “Mamie,” sald the father, who looked as Innocent as he could, “I accidentally overheard some of your conversation with that young man tn the parlor last evening. Why didn't you sit right down ou him when he sald you could begin economizing by both using the same chair? “did, papa,” and she also looked as innocent as she could.— Detroit Free Press, They had only been married three short months, but one day she made a fearful discovery, On a particular evening wheu he came home she was completely startled when she fancted she detected the odor of liquor upon him. At first she held her breath, she was so frightened. But at length tt stowly bat Irrefutably dawned upon her. She was almost zed. Still, and when all Indications potnted that way, she to belleve, aud as a last straw she asked him If he {been to the barber's. He replied that he had not. Therefore, at last even hay rum had to be given up. She did not have the heart to tax him with It that evening. She trusted him ever so much, and she thought how chagrined she would feel and bow shocked and offended he would be If she should proceed on her suspicions and they should turn out to be wholly Inaccurate. She resolved to walt, but tn the meantime she set about devising a plan whereby could establish upon any future occaston, beyond cavil, just what the truth was, She thought over a great many Ideas and ways but came across nothing satisfactory. Just at this dear friend came iu. To her, after a great deal of p cautioning, she revealed the awfalness of her situa: very dear friend sympathized heartily and fervent!s in ber terrible calamity; but she suggested that it v good plan, as the first had observed, to be perfect!’ postive before confounding him with his guilt. On bets intern. gated as toa plan, she replied that she had alway heart said, and she belleved such to be quite the case, t!ata map even silghtly tntoxtcated could not pronounce woris of aay length. Her friend was immensely gratified at ibe Kea, which she wiso averred to have often beard and to i-tata per fect faith tn. Thereapon tt was agreed that the bride of afew months should make ont a lst of words and keep thea always at hand, ready for use in an emergency. As soon as her dear friend had goue she got down heraa- abridged dictionary, and made out @ Ust that she thougtt would give the matter a falr trial. At last, {na couple of weeks, she felt sure again one evening that her bustaad dit hot seem Just exactly as he generally did. nade »o attempt to contain herself any longer, but tmmediately asked him to read the words she had collected. Mer friend bap pened to call the next day. The youug wife was in a state ot great agitation and collapse. “Yes, yes," she sobbed, hysterically; “tt was jost as] thonoght.” Here @ fresh ood of tears choked her utterance. Pree. ently she was able to proceed. “I gave him this list,” she continued. Here she handel it over to her friend. It ran: Phthists, puylactery, photo. chromy, bypochondriasts, mullebrity, parachroutsm, pherst tstoscope, plestosaurus, pococurantistn, dlatessaron, antios miantsm, pseudaesthesia, “And,” she went on, while the friend wus reading tt “he missed pearly half."—Newe York Sun. |! means, vctare a, ‘rmtnary nm The with der ld tea national News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. 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