Life — August 18, 1898 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SELF-SATISFACTION, Ob, a chimpanzee In a tropte sea Cast a telepathic eye On a scientist Who bis way had missed And by chance came wandering by. And they stopped to converse and relieve the tedlam With thought-transfer as the simple medium. And the sclentist, With a haughty twist Of his head, remarked, “I'd teach na chimpanzee To be wise like me, If he bad the gift of speech. Bat you can’t make even a lame apology Atarticulation or etymology.” ‘Thought the chimpanzee “That is why I'm free Frptn each quibbte and crafty game. E’en a sclentist Oft the truth has missed While the wrong man gets the blame. When we rise, it is due to our own capacity, And not to a vulgar and cheap mendacity.” ‘Then the athst Turned and shook his fist At the ape who sat aloft, While the chimpanzee Grinned Io stient glee At the learnéd man who scoffed. Each left with a look of calm anthority And a sense of serene superiority. Philander Johnson, in Washington Star. A MAINE soldier-boy writes home that an Arkansas guard, who was talking with a Maine sentry recently, sald raln't much diderence ats ne Peck uns guess.’ , neighbor,” replied the Maine man, can guess a darn sight better than you can Argonaut, S near 1 We uns and you “cept that we reckon. INFANT HEALTH, Inquirtes prompted the pabitcation of * INraNt HeaLti tn pamphiet form by the N. ¥. Conder New York, and the appreciation of ita v onate edition, sent on application. Milk Company, jue led to an elab- “Just think of Chicago being for four days without a newspaper,” sald Jinks. “1 don’t belleve It ever happened,” sald Binks; “It's o canard, to make the city attractive to residents."—Hazar. : Did you read about that fellow writing a poem on a fifty-dollar bill ire the editor kept tt, of course? “No; he returned it? “What! An editor return a fifty-dollar bill?" + Yes; he didn't know what It was, —Vonkers Statesman, W. S. Gitsert, the English dramatist, was lonching not long ago In a country hotel, when he found bimself in com- pany with three cycling clergymen, by whom he was drawn Into conversation, When they discovered who he was, one of the party asked Mr. Gilbert how he felt “tn such a grave and reverend company.” “1 sald Mr, Gilbert, Danie rgonaut, “lke @ lion In a den of Tue wife of a certain book eleven sons, one after anotbe: r presented him with good man carried his wal spirit in family 1 he named them * Pri- Secundus,” “Tertius.” and so on to “ Decius.” 1 It was time to stop at the eleventh, so he named | Bat it was not finis, There was yet another to “4 daughter this tme—so be called her * militiamen were resting from thelr | drill, one of the men stepped from the ranks to I from that of the officer. The 1 # spint of freedom” in good part, Amy you could not have done this, John. “Right you are," was the prompt reply Prussian Army you could not be an otticer.’ er took this evidence o wt satd: “In the Prussian “bat tn the rgonant. Prince of Wales's Favorite Wine, de LOSSY-HOLDEN CHAMPAGNE. As the eyes are the windows of the soul, so are the teeth the doorway to the portal from whence issue the creations of the mind. Rusifoam in every way worthy of its great mission. It cleanses perfectly, and delightfully perfumes the breath, on which are wafted the words that reflect the thoughts. Popular price, 2c. Send 2c. stamp for sample vial. Address E. W. Hoyt & Co., Loweil, Mass, You from cheap fonr and siipshod methods, neither can good whiskey be made from. cheap yrain and careless ways, Com- Cannot Make Fine Bread Fy parison will show sou the diiference vetween the great bulk of the whiskies offered and our OLD CROW RYE which Is made from the best materlals tuouey can bay. Also own the best spring of water in the State, use the original formula of James Crow, and feed no animals, with thelr fithy sur. roundings and stench. We wish every one could go there and Inspect the premises, Send to us for the James Crow Booklet, Sent Free, H.B. KIRK & CO., 69 Fulton Street, Also Broadway and 27th Street. Sole Agents for Great Western Wine. Lazy Liver “I have been troubled a great deal with a torpid liver, which produces constipa- tion. I found CASCARETS to de all you claim for them. and secured such relief the frst trial, that I purchased another supply and was com: pletely cured. I shall only be too glad to reo- ommend Cascarets whenever the opportunity 1s presented. J.A Soin. 2920 Susquehanna Ave., Philadelphia, Pa. CANDY CATHARTIC TRADE MARK REGISTERED Pleasant. Palatable, Potent. Taste Good. Do Good, Never Sicken, Weaken, of Gripe. 1c. 5c, 00. +. CURE CONSTIPATION. ... Gterting Remedy Company, Chicago, Mentrral, Rew York. %20 NO-TO-BAG Si t3% gists to © aranteed by alld HER Tobacco Habit THE BEST Solid Back Brush for a lady to use. THE GODIVA, Genuine Ebony. Is Made Better in Quality than anything stamped France or Germany. ROBERT LOW’S SON, In New York City WILLIAM S’° * Seape sold everywhere, but sent by mail if + pour dealer dect net rupply you, Williams’ Shaving Stick, 25 cts. Genuine Yankee Shaving Soap, 10 cts. Luxury Shaving Tablet, 25 cts. Swiss Violet Shaving Cream, 50 cts. Jersey Cream (Toilet) Soap, IS cts. Williams’ Shaving Soap (Barbers), 6 Round Cates, 11b.,4oc, Exquisite alsofor tollet, Trial Cake for ac, stamp, THE J.B.WILLIAMS CO. ASTONBURY CONN Usethe Great English Remedy BLAIR’S PILLS Safe, Sure, Effective. 50c. & $f DRUGGISTS, or 224 William St, N. \ comicbooks.com