Life — July 14, 1898 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Two industrious silkworms.” was almost painful. We must now hurry a little with our narrative. Suf- fice it to say that two business-like camels approached and absent-mindedly de- voured the Jaeger suits in which Mr. and Mrs. Fin had both always been firm believers. Things had now gone so far that the couple cheerfully re- signed themselves to the inevitable, as an absently enthusiastic alligator escorted “A huge but conscientious whale appeared.” “All the fruit they could find.” a pair of patent kids to the scene of the divestivities, and gayly claimed possession of the shoes, It now only re- mained for a dozen excited oysters, shouting their college yell, to rush down the gangplank and dexterously abstract the pearl earrings from Mrs. Fin’s ears, and the necklace which was her only remaining ornament. * * * ‘HERE was an awkward pause. When at length the pair recovered sufficiently to speak of the weather, which, as Mr, Fin remarked, had not moderated, the animals had disappearcd. The couple, resuming their stroll, at length found themselves at the lodge gates of what seemed to be a large park, or garden, They entered, and, almost fainting with mortification and hunger, made their way hurriedly toward an orchard which was visible in the distance. All the fruit they could find, however, was a windfall russet apple, upon which they fell forthwith. Much to their dis- gust, it was found to have been bitten, and, making a tiny moue, the fastidious Mrs. Fin presented it to her spouse, who, with a shrug, refused the fruit and re- placed it upon the tree. 0. Herford. ULTIVATE the pause in oratory and in proposing. The Tar-Baby Out- done. F there is a thing that is harder to let go of than a tar-baby it is a thoroughly managed modern periodical. If you want to iave a volumi- nous experience ut moderate cost subscribe for three months for the weekly Parasite, and let events take their course. When the term of your subscription is up you will geta notice enclos- ing an addressed enve- lope for renewal, If that doesn’t fetch you, you will receive another with a circular telling , why you ought not to live without the Para- site. If you are still unmoved you will prob- ably receive a typewritten let- ter enclosing a coin-transmit- ter, and, after that, for a long time you will be liable to communications, at uncertain intervals, giving lists of the Parasite’s impending “‘ features,” and beck- oning to you, cajoling you, imploring you to fall in line again and sustain the bene- fits the Parasite holds out. At what period the Parasite finally marks the name ofa former subscriber off its list and ceases to send him solicitztions and sample copies, no one is old enough to tell. The best way when you have really de- termined to go without further Parasites is to write: “J. Smith died on the—th in- stant. His subscription will not be re- newed.—B, Jones, Executor.” If your conscience doesn’t permit you to use such a subterfuge as that, use this form: “Please change address of my Para- site to Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands, and stop paper when subscription expires.” This method is very artful, and bas the effect of side-tracking all the supplementary corre- spondence. DEAS are clothes. tramps begging for Confidence. (Two parents talking schools.) ** > ROTBORO’S a good school.” “Yes; [am told that the future of the Grotboro boys is felt to be so se- cure that they teach them the harp.” [Lo prefers its own illusions to the most perfect reality. comicbooks.com