Life — June 2, 1898 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

464 manifestation of extreme dignity, In the midst of the march a rattle of drums is heard at the wings, and there rushes on the scene a figure in medieval costume, with hanging sleeres and a coach-horn, Erer body recognizes him at once for a HERALD, which he is (but not from New York). Henatp (in a stentorian voice) : I'm a herald ; My name is Gerald— Though that’s quite inconsequential just now. But I have come With sound of drum To give important news, if you'll allow ! AU stop and listen attenticely, HERALD (through music): Between the Kingdom of Spain and the Government of the United States there has been declared War! All start, Q Victoria (émmediately): Which I wish to remark, And my language is plain, ‘That War is no lark And engenders much pain. But my sympathy goes to my kinsman, And none for the Kingdom of Spain! Czar Nicuoras (also with friendly promptitude) : Although the matter’s one which is not easy to discuss, I ne'ertheless declare, without ostentatious fuss, Thet the old established friendship ‘twixt th’ United States and us Impels me to explain That, altho I dote on Spain, Yet the Yankees will have on their side the sympathetic Ru Whereupon the Qu @ mad dash onto the stage, accompanied by the little ALONSO XIIL, and sings: much REGENT makes “LEE : Queen Res Caramba! That's nice doctrine for two friends of mine to preach ! I wonder how you really can go on so ! But you're fortunately not the only pebbles un the beach— There are others who're for me and sweet Alphonso ! “NT (impulsicely) : Emperor Joserit: Yes, nie So have no fear ; I loathe those low-lived Yankees ! You need not doubt My heart goes out ‘To you and yours—no thankees ! King WILLiaM : And mine, by Himmel, By Kase und Kimmel! My nerve and vim'll For you be proct’rin’ ! I've long been hating Without abating ‘That aggravating Monroe Doctrine ! Henan (ith something like a sardonic smile): But hold! The United States Is just that sort of country From which there permeates All sorts of bold effront’ry ! Their President bas just Announced—and with legality— That every nation must Observe a strict neutrality ! (Zcit HERALD.) The toot of a tin trumpet is heard, and the PRESIDENT OF SWITZERLAND makes his appearance. E. Rurry (Presipent or Switzer- LAND), largely : Well, permit me to state right here, T’m not going to interfere ! SOME MODERN FLYING ARTILLERY, Everysody highly gratified — so much so that thesr faces become strangety contorted, Suddenly enters UNcLE Sam, All bow constrainedly, except Qu Victoria, who nods in a sisterly manner, QuEEN Curistina smiles superciliously, UNcie Sam fx not at all disconcerted, Unc1 Greet! Europe, greeting, and espe- cially to madame, Who has recognized the fact we're close descendants of old Adam, And greeting to Her Majesty of Spain ! That War exists between us, all are doubt less well aware, So, you European rulers, kindly act upon the square, And hearken while I sing you this refrain ! e Sam (with a magnificent bow) : Song: Unc.Le Sam. One hundred and twenty-two years ago, As probably all of you present know, Myself after freeing, I sprang into being, Which sounds paradoxical, but isn’t so. In eighteen hundred and twelve, once more Compelled to settle dispute by War, I showed English tars That the Stripes and che Stars Demanded respect on sea and shore, In forty-seven, my Mexican friend Was taught a lesson whose purport and end Was to prove me mpt From misplaced contempt— A fact he was speedy to comprehend! In sixty-on I fought '; , and for four long years, st myself, with scalding Throughout the war civil I fought like the divil, And each combatant part now the other reveres,