Life — April 28, 1898 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Dearth of Ginger. ITIZENS who apprehend that the people of this country will find intervention ag Ti” become a habit with them. have considerable encouragement, so far, to put aside their fears, As far as we have got it has been poor sport, and as a nation we haven't liked it. There is plenty of determination to do our national duty, what- ever it costs, but the is a noticeable dearth gleefulness at the pros- pect of doing it. It Is creditable to our com: mon sense that there is so little enthusiasm at the prospect of soldiering and of having a big sea-fight. The immense inconvenience of it, and the entire absence of prospective remunera- cept to the conscience, seems to be appreciated in a degree that is rather sur- prising. There is no disposition to back down: that hardly exists; but there is a very earnest and very prevalent appreciation that if Cuba can be straightened out without a big fight, everybody concerned will be a great deal better off. The blood doesn’t boil at the idea of fight ing Spain, No violent outbursts of patriotism have been aroused by it. Men say “It has got to come,” but they say it, not with ardor, but with resignation, In spite of the fervor of some deliverances in Congress, and in spite of the pretty general conviction that the pacifica- tion of Cuba is our job, and that the only way to accomplish it is to drive the Spanish out, @ country pever went about a ious under- taking in colder blood, or with a more sincere desire to be spared the effort. The trouble is that we don’t hate Spain, and have no desire to injure her. We would far rather see her grow in grace and prosperity, redeem herself and build up a new character, than go down under the weight of her shortcomings. It isa pity: & monstrous pity. Everyone appreciates it, and no one seems able to help it tion, e: *LIFE: which so much of their oratory has been expended. The dan- ger from stray Spanish bullets might be emphasized by their Position of prominence, but a few impromptu speeches, such as have recently been delivered in Washington, would doubtless have a desirable effect, and compel the enemy to flee precipitately. There is a limit to all things, even Span- ish bravery. “Yellow Journal Cook- Book. TrE EARLY MORNING FIRE BROIL. Ingredients, ‘E puble-decker tenement house;" 14 “Sleeping families; an coming home late who di covers the fire; 48 “Terrified ten- ants” to run down the stairs: 1 Police- man to “turn in thealarm; "1" Hero” to be glorified needlessly; 1 “Fire loss" not to exceed four hundred dol- lars. Sprinkle well with imagination and serve hot over the telephone. THE REV. R. H. P. MILES’S THEOLOGICAL STEW. Take four texts, wash them and put them to boil. When they commence to simmer add five hundred meaningless words and achapter from a Sunday-school book. Stir with igporance and season with imbecility and lack of interest Serve on the inside page of a yellow journal, with startling headlines that do not bear out the story THE SUICIDE STEW. Take a “beautiful girl” and a “quantity of Paris gre Mix thoroughly: add a “last letter,” a “grief-stricken mother,” and a “Coroner who is notified. rve with a double-column head. THE FUDGE FRY. Rub the name of # town against the date of the month. Add forty-four words selected at random and fry in red ink. Serve every ten minutes. A PROPOSAL has been made by a circus company to furnish the government with elephants for use in Cuba, in case the war should be carried into that island. It is doubt- ful whether enough elephants could be sup- plied to accommodate all the members of Con- gress, but if this could be done, it might be a desirable expedient. Mounted thus, and in comfortable steamer chairs, our recalcitraut friends could range over the territory upon . Theodore Roosevelt. IIIS gentleman is Assistant Secretary of the Navy, a job under the government, and, from present indications, his vacation next summer will con- Pereneenre Simabos. sist of a few hours every night after dark passed on a hair mattress. This is not likely to be mitigated if he should resign for the purpose of augmenting our military forces. Ilis energy, how- ever, is of the quality and quantity which permits it to burn, and to keep “Teddy” toned down toa proper gait an ordinary war would not be consid- ered an excessive instrument.” Even when he was a policeman in New York he man- ed to keep awake and see many things not visible to the ordinary eye. In naval parlance he would be considered as a cross between a torpedo-boat and a bat- tleship, with a speed under forced draft of twenty-eight knots, always under full steam, and likely to go off half-cocked at any moment. Although not yet an aduit, he has done many things for one so young, and, having been an author, he has a proper respect for his own abil- ities. While he has written a number of books, he is perhaps better known as aletter-writer. One of his greatest titles to the respect of the nation is that he is so cordially hated by the World and the Journal. Ccomicbooks.com