Life — April 21, 1898 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: Announcement Extraordinary. it,” and he plunged into an animated exposition on telepat “We've had a very nice afternoon,” he said, as he arose to go. His hand was on the door, and she was close beside him. *Good-night,” he said, and closed the door gently, then paused for an instant. ‘There was a rustle of skirts and a soft odor of violets. “Aren't you going to kiss me good-by ?” she demanded. Harriet Caryl Cor, HE chances are that a war with Spain this summer would make life on the seacoast extremely dangerous. We have, therefore, fitted up a large and commodious hotel at Inland Beach, New Jersey, and invite the attention of the public to some of its ad- vantages named below. INLAND SEA BEACH HOUSE. This up-to-date seaside resort h a unique claim upon the seaside-going public, as it is twenty miles inland, and entirely out of range of the most far-reaching guns, so that Inland Sea Beach House has all the usual disadvan- tages of life at the seaside, with absolutely no danger from warships. Our beach is the real thing, Broken beer bottles, clam- shells, egg- shells, sea- weed and débrisx, gathered at enormous expense by members of the life- saving corps and scat- tered from one end of the beach to the other, make it equal to any beach on the Atlantic Coast. Our hotel is shaded by real beech trees. Surf bathing at high tide! We have connected Inland Beach with the ocean by means of canals, and we can recommend our surf bathing to connoisseurs, Inland Beach is the only one that ever happened. Do not be deceived by imitations, Safe, cool and comfortable. All the windows in the hotel are made of powerful magnifying-glass, so that a close view of the ocean and possible sea fights are obtainable. Real sand fleas in abundance. Salt air disseminated throughout the hotel and grounds by means of electric fans, Malt extracts and beer every day but Sunday. Hops every Saturday night. Our sea serpent telescopes are free to guests, and war- ranted to bring the reptile within view. Process patented, Beach Comper & Saxpy McMoser, Props. Charles Battell Loomis. ISS SUMMIT: You are very fond of animals, aren’t yout Miss Pantsape: Yes, I wear them a great deal. / Unanswerable. ER Fatner: Where do you find your for saying that the Bible advocates early mar- riages? Hen Beau: Didn't Eve marry on the day she was born? % Good Luck to the Major. AS ever an amiable man who disliked to offend anyone placed in so unwel come a situation as our President? He is one of the kindest men in the world, He wants to stand well with all good people, and he deserves to. He wants peace, and yet he wants justice to prevail. He wants to get us out of our pres- ent complications without bloodshed, starva- tion, or any more misery than is absolutely indispensable. For weeks he has perched be- tween the devil and the deepsea, and has held his ground. Good luck to him, whatever the issue. He could not have done what he has done if the country had not felt unquestioning confidence in the uprightness of his motives: and very great confidence also in his intelli ence, Whatever comes, here's hoping the President may stay on top. He has done his utmost to serve the country, Ballads of the Spanish War. ST WAS with Hearst,” the young man said, “All through the Spanish w: Whereat the farmer straightway “ Young feller, say no more!” And took him by his little neck And jammed him in a pail, And yanked him out into the barn And spanked him with a flail. Then tossed him in the water-butt, And soused him in the pond; And covered him with liquid tar, And feathers dark and blonde. And then he rode him on a rail, Despite his shriek and roar— “That's how we treat the guards of Hearst, Who fought the Spanish war! “ And if you'll send your Gen'ral up, With all his troopers grim, Why, tell him that we'll gladly try To do the same to him.” Carlyle Smath, comicbooks.com