Life — April 14, 1898 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oths. The Bachelor’s View. HE bonds of matrimony may Be safe investments for my friends, But observation’s taught me they But seldom pay cash dividends. a ATOR MASON, of lilinois, who appears to possess as strong a jaw and inflammable a head as any man in ss, recently said, in speaki the crew of the Maine: Suppose ninety of them had been United States Senators, suppose the balance had been members of Congress, ... would forty days have elapsed before war began > OLYMPUS UP TO DATE ALL COMERS’ HANDICAP. If the American people could select the Senators for that position, the an- swer would be Not only forty days, but forty centuries would elapse before a grateful nation would break the peace. And the orator from Illinois forgets an important difference between the sailor on the Maine and the jingo in the Senate, The sailor prefers peace to war, but is ready to fight. The Senator prefers war to peace, but no earthly power could induce him to endanger his own hide. W HEN a man begins with, ‘* What Tam about to say y will be said in kindness,” he means to make himself disagreeable, An Old Story. RS. VON BLUMER: What sort Ll ofa play was it last night, deart Vox Buuren: Domestic. “Tell me about it.” “Ob, it dealt with a devoted, lenient, generous husband, and an extravagant wife who ran him into debt.” “Was it natural” “Extremely so. “And well acted “Tnever saw anything better done.” “Then you enjoyed i?” “No, Lcan't say did.” “But why not?” “ [like something new.” SCOPHAT feilow called me an ass behind my back.” “Did you kick 2”