Life — April 2, 1898 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

realize, by the assumed expression of joy upon her fair brow, that I was still to be doomed to disap- pointment. At last human nature could withstand the strain no longer, aud I secretly commenced to plan bow I could kick in the cellar sash without being detected. All unknown to me, however, my wife's brain was working along the same lines, and, more- over, she was several million points ahead of me, in having enlisted the aid of our next door neighbor's little boy. Orlando's parents and teachers had for several years been impressing upon bim th essity of being thorough in everything ie undertook, and [aim perfectly willing to go the youthful cherub’s bail for an unlimited amount that, in this instance at least, he did honor to their precepts. ‘There was not a euchre hand of whole panes left inthe house when I arrived upon the scene, and in his youthful exuberance and hitherto unsuspected muscularity, he had sent the missiles in far greater quantity and with considerably more force than a strict regard to the exact letter of his instructions allowed, and the disablement of the servant girl and demolition of other brie-j-brac description, Thi destructi what more than either my wife or myself bad bar gained for, but, confident in my own powers and the supply of raw material lying idle in the cellar, L woke up bright and early next morning aud determined to spend the whole day if necessary upon iny mammoth glazing contra olving todo the jobin a sys- tematic manner, I armed myself with a crowbar, silver fruit-koife, the meat axe, and a comfortable easy-chair, and commenced to clear away the débris To the before-mentioned equipment I almost imme- diately added some sheets of court-plaster, a pair of crutches, some linen bandages, and a copy of “ Snith’s Pocket Guide to Non-Profane Ejaculation.” But with the firm resolve to conquer or die, I held steadily on, in spite of bruises and bloodshed. When I came to break open the case (to the huge detriment of half its contents) I was somewhat dazed to find the glass all in large sheets, and not of assorted sizes to fit the panes. But I recalled that at school, in our physics class, we had been taught that glass could be cut with a pair of scissors if placed under water. I couldn't have got the details of the game down fine enough in my boyhood days, however, for although my wife played the garden hose carefully over both the big sheet of wl myself while I operated with her new dressmakii shears, the cut. ting part seemed to be more on me than the other fel- low, and ff I hadn't thrown the $s to the ground 1 jumped on it, both my hands would have awed off. While the doctor was dressing my various wounds rocer’s boy called for orders, and incidentally offered to take the glass to a store and have it cut up the way I wanted it for five dollars, With my brain full of thoughts of coming revenge, I made believe to reluctantly consent: but he brought it back in less than a half hour, and, as far as I could see, there Irop of human blood upon it. Late in the evening, when I came to act in the glass, I found that the putty, during sion fn the cellar, had relapsed into a state of petrifac- tion, This would have deterred men not accustomed to rely upon their intellects; but [ sawed it into nar- row strips, and by means of liquid cement mai to glue it down along the 8 of the glass and s: But the effect was far from artistic, and I figured that, allowing one twenty-five-cent bottle to each pane, the total expense for cement alone upon the job would not fall much below a hundred and ten dollars. As it was now long past midnight, aud the hilarious joy of the day had somewhat fatigued me, I thought it well to stay my hand. It was somewhat uncanny to think of sleeping in a house without any sashes in was simply beyond wholesale was some was nota sing: * LIFE: the windows, and added to this was the fact that a combined rain and windstorm called upon us in the early morning. We were compelled to seek shelter under the lilac bushes in our neighbor's garden. I have always regretted that I was unable to per- sonally finish what I had undertaken, but friends were coming to visit us in about three weeks, and I knew from what I had been through that it would take me somewhat longer than that meagre time. I surreptitiously gave the emblazoned putty-knife to Orlando, who, I am rejoiced to see, is at this moment testing its seraping abilities upon the freshly-painted front of his paternal abode. Tircie W. Hart, ete || wr .| She school ct \ Clin un tom apes 7% | beaches Lary | ana A Disappointment. By Ervest G. Hexmay. ‘ou course it would be a disappointment Thad recently returned from abroad. and had called upon by duty to journey down to the deserted ¢ lage of Mayburn to pay proper respects to my autt a to make the acquaintance of the cousin who had jue school I had never seen her before, except perhaps asate but I could picture her exactly. Dressel in the + country style, very likely freckled, and a wearer of tacles; crammed to the throat with the new education fodividuality of women doctrine, certainly. ant course, for auat possessed no tact at the best of tins! should be left alone with this interesting female foe : greater part of ahot summer afternoon, Si too A most offensive age. Weil, I should have to be polite; talk to her aod » of my experiences abroad, and then, if E hall plead the excuse of dinner in town, and exe: train, The train jolted itself to a standstill, A crow loafers posed as professional eyesores in {root of a gra inn, and commented upon my appearance. What a ple A stupid-looking servant told me that the pies w the garden, so to the garden, grumbling, {had to g Certainly it was all awfully pretty. 1 began to woe how T was lookin, “You've never met Ida before, Philip, saying.“ Well, here she is.” + L believe Esaid something. I might tave remart upon the weather, but am not sure, T koow that th was a lot of gold. fluffy hair, and some blue eyes ~T must leave you to entertain each » minutes. You will hear the luncheon gong out ber And thy old lady withdrew, Really, aurt has wooter tret We began to talk. IT never found talki easily. » you really are my cousin?” Ithink Tam, Butt hope you d my fault, you know," A funny little so.ile quis her mouth, She covered it up with a vhite rose. “Ididn’t think you'd be a bit like what you ax said, wildly. People never are what you expect them tobe [ sorry you're disappointed “Pm not, [think you're say. ~Whatr" She “ Indeseribable.”* Her face was half buriet in the rose. and ¢ eyes looked at me over the petals. “ve ki girls—indescribable. They weren't all nice. S horrid, But you must have beet disappointed—realf There are pleasant disappointment s, just as wn are unpleasant ones.” “In what way were you disappointed wheo yoo 4 was cig! by an ex Tbeant ou J didn’t know whor tainly was lac met"? “ Tsaw your last photograph. + It was an awfully libelous “it was. It flattered you Ju weren't ashamed of it.” Twas, Not because it fattrred me.” ~ Tm glad you admit that. Ihave one 0} you know. One must have a little excitement” ~ What is this parti ar the: “That men are vainer t No. you're ot say anything; it would lead to an argument, aod wouldn't be fair, Itdoesn’t nevd a reply, does it? ~ No, I suppose not.” “Eve quite proved my point, haven't It “Rather! Somewhat absently, because [was dering how [could miss the last train from Maybura evening. I believe I must have moved nearer. * Now we'll talk about something else.” * You, for instance,” I ventured. “That would be as dull as—as the boo mother. Such words! [have to twist my mo imaginable shapes. + Give me an example.” She thought for a moment, while I thought, I should like to be the word that she was thinki * Psy-chol og-ic-al."” It came very slowly, I believe | moved again, for she stepped bac! T hastened toss ribly, | wonder p Anyhow. she se