Life — April 2, 1898 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Klondike Department Store ILL be opened permanently next Tuesday morning. Special Marked Down Sale from 6 to 6. What do you want! Nothing? Go to the Alaskan Klondike, Everything * COME TO US! WE HAVE IT! AF of Our Exclusive Features. Four Mammoth Floors, containing : First Froon: In daily attendance, five lady members of the “Four Hundred,” whocan be met free of charge in our vast parlors Every evening a Cotillion, led by the swell- est young men of Greater New York, in our varivated ballroom. Silk Umbrellas, worth $10, for $3.81, Will be loaned for six months on trial. without charge. Operating Room at rear, with best sur ons in attendance, Vermiform appendix removed without cost to all purchasers of Jollar’s worth of goods, The Klondike Stables, fully equipped with finest roadsters, for sale or to let. Tooling taught by the prize-winner at the recent Horse Show, AU on Our First Floor, secoxp FLoor : The only indoor Golf Links in the world, Eighteen-hole course. Caddies aranteed and instruction free. Lailies’ Sporting Goods in great variety. Red Waists, Coats and Sweaters to burn. A splendid assortment of best Scotch Whis- kies. Dialect taught by a native Scotch American. Eiderdown Bath Robes and Jackets from $1.02 to $2.00, fitted. BEG PARDON.” Bagpipe Concert constantly going on. Dress Trimmings extraordinary at very low prices, Gramophone Readings by Ian McBarrie, James M. Hootwatson, Davie McCrockett and other famous plaid authors, every hour, All on Our Second Floor. Tuird FLoor : Mourning Goods. Funerals fur- nished from top to bottom, remainsexcepted. Fine portrait of Hall Caine toevery patron. Fine line of Jet Goods. Chapel at rear, with services daily by the Rev. Charles H. Central- parkburst, Robert G, Injuresole, Sam Smith and others. Unsurpassed lines of Satins, Silks and Vel- vets, at prices to suit purchaser. Latest details of all murder trials by ticker. erything tosuit the most morbid taste. special arrangement with the Health 1, a private morgue at rear, All on Our Third Floor. Focntu FLoor: Household Supply Depart: ment. Slaughter House constantly going and open to guests at all hours Cooks a specialty, at all wages from $6.50 to $10,000 ; always on hand. Butlers of imposing presence, with news: paper affiliations. Enameled Kitchen Ware and Unbreakable China, Branch office of the Ladies’ Home Morning Journal. Readings from their own recipes by Mrs. Corker and Marion Hamlin Garlan,at 11 and 5. Pies made while you wait. All on Our Fourth Floor. Come and Be Convinced that THE KLONDIKE is Great. We own the Earth. A Tit-Bit for the Editor. | aN (icily); Young woman, what made you think you could get your poetry into our magazine Youne Woman (blithely); Why—my cousin does; and he's such a fool. AS a friend a woman wants to be proud of you ; a man wants you to be proud of him. s nothing like the conscious- of high principle to enable a man to be ni, right SPAR: I tell you, my boy is up-to-date. What has he been doing Jumpurre: now ? Last r because I wouldn't pi horseless hobby -horse it he cried Limself to sleep mise to get hima As Far As We Get. C ATTERSON: Have you found out how to manage your wife yet? Hatrenson: No. I'm trying to recon- cile myself to letting her manage me.