Life — February 3, 1898 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NT SEISSORS ANT NvLLv§ § A OYSPEPTIC’S VIEW. “Twas the day after Christmas, and all th Were people with unwelcome presents on h: The boy who expected a new pair of skates Got a history of the United States; The girl who had looked for a solitaire ring Got a monkey that ran up and down on a string; The lover who longed for a token of hope Received but a piece of perfumed shaving soap; The husband who wanted a couch for his den Got a box of cigars—about seven for ten; The wife who had wished for a sealskin cos Wept over a little ol $5-note! ‘Twas the day after Christmas, alas and alack! How many there were who'd have liked to get back The presents they'd given to folks who had not Returned anything for the presents they'd g¢ —Chicago News. the land SAD EXPERIENCE IN A HOTEL. Hotel-keepers have their trials, too. A lady who lives in a New York hotel is fond of animal pets and lately bought a monkey, which sbe introduced into her apart ments. The monkey, though pleased with his quarters, was anxious to look further. habits of his owner, and noticed that when she touched the electric bell the door was presently opened. “1 will try that,” said he, and when opportunity offered he put his thumb on the electric knob and kept it th When the door opened there were five bell-boys outside. The monkey dived through the mob of them and flew down the hall, He observed closely the 3 hotly pursued, Hard-pressed, he noticed an open transom over a door marked thus: “ Bath.” He flew up the door and through the transom, leaving the baffied bell-boys aghast in a group outside. Instantly ensued a splash, followed by a piercing shriek; as the door flew open a lady, scantily draped in a bath-towel, burst out on the dumfounded bell-boys and fled screaming down the hall, with the delighted monkey perched on her shoulders and holding on by her hair, That same afternoon the monkey's owner received word from the management of the hotel that they could not consent to the monkey's continued stay in the house. “Rather have a suicide in the house than that monke said the mana “So you are going away, Mrs. Rusher t”" “Yes: weare going to move to Kentucky for a few weeks until my husband gets to be called ‘colonel,’ and then we shall go to Washington to live.""—Chicago Record. A Littue fellow, talking to one of the boys at the tur Methodist Orphans’ Home a short time ago, said: You boys seem so happy out here I'd like to stay you always, but my folks are so healthy I'm “fraid I won't be an orphan for some time yet —Atlanta Constitution. Gaear Exptonen’s Frrexp (as the latter is about to start): Well, professor, you've arranged for your lectures and book when you come back, haven't you Great Exrtorer: Yes; also my testimonials are writtea for the canned goods, the clothing, the boats and the cooking utensils. All I have to do now is to get lost, and my fortune is made,—Boston Journal HARPER AND BROTHERS: NEW YORK. ‘he Tinted Venus, By F. Anstey. A Legend of Camelot (Pictures and Poems, ee) By George Du Maurier. YSON NEELY: LONDON AND NEW Yong, ral of Venice, and Other Poems. By Pip ence Danforth Newcomb, The Palmetto, By F. 8. Heffernan. “Nil” By Fred A. Randle. The Embassy Ball. By Virginia Rosalie Cox: E.R. MERRICK AND COMPANY: NEW YORK. Beautiful Women of the Poets. By Beatrice Sturgs When Love Laughs. By Tom Hall. Shakespeare's Men and Women, By Rose Porter, Satan's Invisible World Displayed. New York: R. F. Fenno and Company. The Finances of New York City. By Edward Dea Durand, Ph.D, New York: The Macmillan Compass Street Cleaning. By Col. George E. Waring, Je, Se York: Doubleday and McClure Company. By W. T. Stat Mrs. Gaswett contemplated with pride the fam monument that had been erected in the cemetery, overtopped all others by many feet, and containe! » deeply graven letters the name of every member of te Gaswell family, with blank space for future mortaxy statistics. “Thank goodness!" she exclaimed. “There's ce column the society editors can't keep my name out —Chicago Tribune Yor sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter. patienal Keys Company, Bream’e Building. Chancery Lane, , AGENTS, London, E. C., England, Ao! Evrormax Paris; Saarbach’s News AGENTe—Messrs. Brentano, $7 Avenue de !’Opera, rence, 1 TARO, Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. IVORY SOAP If you would have your husbands shirt fronts immaculate give your laundress Ivory Soap. A white soap, 1t washes white, Smoking Tohacco # > Turtle Oil Soap Wood Violet. and Life’s Picture Galleries. /NOTICE.—The demand for LIFES Picture Galleries (containing miniature reproductions of proofs on sale a LIFE Office) has been so great that the edition is temporarily exhausted. We shall, therefore, be unable to supply any more free copies at present. We have on hand, however, a quantity o/ picture galleries, expensively printed on heavy coated paper, which we will sup ply at ten cents each in stamps of money, mailed to any address in the Postal Union.