Life — December 30, 1897 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tooter Loud’s G prominent citizens in cach town to have me stay at their houses. It saves hotel bills. i with this a number of photog showing me in various attitudes—eating, drinking, thinkin; Have duplicates and distribute them liberally among the press. You might also arrang room for me in the house of some ge publishers, Locks of my hair be dis- tributed around the moulding suits of old ¢ wear again that can be bung up. ber I am working for what there fs in it, and the way must be paved. Dec. 22.—I cannot write anything to-day, as I am arranging for our Christmas cele. bration, Dec. 2 our Christi was a great succes: We might have waited until Christmas, but the crew couldn't wait, Before dis- tributing the presents I made every man swear that he would not divulge the secrets of this trip for the rest of his natural life. During the evening I read some extracts from my book. Everyone agreed that there wasn't a word of truth in them, which pleased me mightily. This book will be a gre: —I cannot write any- thing to-lay, as I am just re- from our Christmas on, —To-day we rescued the King of Lapland and part of aphs ete, mad several we had eat. Discovery. his retinue from the ice. They had wan- dered from their own fireside, and I shall take them back with us as Tooter Loud, our stoker, went out for a walk after dinner last evening and wit- sed some extraordinary Arctic phenom- ena. When he gets home I will send him to Keeley. Please give my love to Mrs. Hornblower, I am looking forward to meeting her. So is Miss Belle Bunker, my typewriter, Tam afraid Mrs, I. didn’t like it because Tleft her behind, but I will fix it up on my return, T expect to enough money out of this to pension her for life. More later. mementoes Rescuing the King of Lapland. Psalm to LIFE. APROPOS OF RECENT “GUESSING” CONTEST. ‘LL me not in mournful numbers Lire was chuckling in its sleeve; That its pages thus it cumbers With intention to deceive. Lire was solemn; Lire was earnest; Advertising not its goal; “Dust thou goest, gold-dust returnest” Not the thought that thrilled its soul, On its ideas philanthropic Lire would lavish untold gold, Caring naught for curses tropic— Lives were bought and men were sold. Moriturit Salutamus Yes, you had us dead, but then, Now we've been once bitten, d—n us If we're ever fooled again. Retiarins, [No, not fooled again,” dear “ Reti- arius,” for Lire has never yet tried to fool his own readers. And he does not fool them by publ ing a puzzle so that the prize, when divided among countless victors, shall not be worth the trouble of guessing. | Nelson Dingley, Jr. R. NELSON DINGLEY, Jr., the i savior of young republics from the greed of foreign monarchies, the piebald protector of the horny-handed son of toil, the deadly enemy of trusts and monopolies, and the patent (expired) exponent of purse-proud protection, is a man of singular and interesting per- His principal characteristic is his supersanguine tempera- ment, and he can add up a long column of figures and make the total four times as large as it really is with the most astonishing skill. [t is in this respect that Mr. Dingley excels, and when everything is running behind, with breakers ahead and no hope left, he walks the quarter- deck in evening dress with the anchor under his arm, and sub- lime confidence in the power of an overruling Providence. Mr. Dingley has a high and noble aspect, is a good friend to the poor, and never leaves the United States Government alone and unprotected. sonality