Life — December 16, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CALAMITY TALES. SAMMY stopped a cable car By standing on the track, Which gave his system quite a jar— Sam's sisters now wear black. Bobby found some dynamite And placed it in the range; His ma gazed o'er the kitchen site And thought Bob's absence strange. The ice was thin when Frederic died, Pa’s tears fell down like rain; “The ice-house can’t be filled,” he cried, “Lf it don't freeze again!” A nou tells this story: * We had atone time in our employ a very green young woman, whose nationality is typified by an emblem of the same verdant color. This young woman came to | us through an intelligence (?) office. She showed he Ligence on first day of her service in our family, She was told to go out in the yard and tal down the clothesline, which w stretched among # half-dozen posts set up for that purpose. She was at the job for so long a time that we began to wonder what on earth was the matter with her. Just what he wants tor his Christma: A Pound of ‘ol Golden Sceptre. J $1.30 post paid. SURBRUG, 159 Pulton Street, New York, or all dealers, We went out to see what she was doing, and there we found her working away vigorously with a spade. She had already dug up three of the posts, and had almost completed the work on a fourth when we found her, She didn’t stay with us long.” —Philadelphia Record. TO RESORTS IN THE SOUTH The Southern Railway is the most desirable and the shortest route to Aiken, Augusta, Ga., and all the resorts of the South, in and out of Florida. Two through trains daily. “New York and Florida Limited " finest train in the w es into service i York 12.10 P.M. Augustine 240 P.M. next day. Full ulars at New York office Southern Railway, Es adway, A. S. Thweatt, Eastern Passenger Agent. Jon" speaks some English, and his re- marks are always accompanied by a bland, childlike smile, such as Bret Harte mentions in his poem about Chinese free labor. One day the Chinaman was talking about relig- fon. “Are you a Christian, Gee Joe +” asked alady, curiously “Oh, yes; Igo churchee; I one very good man, I real Melican man.” “And where do you go" asked the lady, who was charmed to find that the influence of religion and civilization had converted the heathen. Ob," remarked Joe, “Igo Warren Memorial churchee now. I Presbyterian, but when I was in other town I Baptis'. I uurchee where do me most good, Joe real Melican man.” —Lpuisville Times. “WeLt, see that Messrs, MeKinley and Laurier are likely to come to an understanding over the seal question.” * hat's where Messrs. McKinley and Lau- rier differ from me and my wife. Cleveland Leader. “THE WINTER RESORTER” "™°MOST#3s05 New York: 108 Fulton Street Cruise February 5, 1808, Aller, all shore excursions in: cluded. F.C.Clark, 111 B'way.N.Y ESTERBROOKS STEEL PENS, The Best Pens Made. LEADING NUMBERS: 048, Al, 333, 14, 130, 239, 313, 556. OTHER STYLES IN GREAT VARIETY. Ask your Stationer for‘ ESTERBROOK'S” THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN Co Works, Camden, W. J. 26 John Street, N.Y. onyme of all there is in an elegant sparkling Table Water, Purity and general excellence must be the first requisites, and these have made this water the \ favorite at all leading hotels, clubs, and homes, as well as in all the hospitals in the land. Its universal use is the strongest testimony as to its high quality. Notwithstanding the advance in the price of foreign waters, prices on Londonderry will remain the same. ng Ktrome mores ALL StL. LONDONDERRY VIO ET TOU. OZAR PERFUMES LATEST NOVELTIES SPECIALLY RECOMMENDED : ROYAL (EILLET (carnation) — GRANDE DUCHESSE, FONKIA of JAPAN Xe. LEGRAND (08/24-PERFUMERY) 11, Place de la Madeleine, PARIS. WA.GQE.GE. GER. EE. GS. Se