Life — December 4, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE: Metaphysics. HY and Wherefore set out one day To hunt for a wild Ni They agreed to meet at a cool retreat On the Point of Interrogation, But t night was dark and they 1 ssed their mark, And, driven well-nigh to distraction, They lost their ways in a murky maze Of utter abstruse abstraction, of Speculation, But the se grew rough, and their boat, though tot Was split into an Equation, As th Rose a fea floundered about in the waves of doubt rful Hypothesis, Who gibbered with glee as they sank in the sea, And the last they saw was this: On a rock-bound reef of Unbelief There sat the wild Negation; Then th sank once more and were washed ashore At the Point of Interrogation. Horrible! T was out on the loncliest farm in New Jerse Suddenly a terrible commotion begun in an old weatherbeaten buildin rocked and swayed as the internal dis- turbance increased. Wild curses rang out, and profanity that made the blood run cold. Then came the horrible sound Oliver Herford, seemed as if the old building must col lapse. Presently it ceased and an ex- cited man came out, breathing heav with his face aflame with mortal passion. Had a murder been committed t Not at all, The hired man had just been driving into a stall and tying up a yearling mosquito for the first time. A Partie Carrée. “And as for being in a fright, Permit me to remark That ghosts have just as good a right, In every way, to fear the ligh As men to fear the dark —Lewis Carroll, * Rhyme and Reason.” T was near daybreak on Christmas morn- ing, and the two spectres that sat by the fireplace in the old 1 ig room at Drift- wood had made a gay night of it, reénact- ing their youthful courtship, But it was now dangerously late, or rather early, for a spirit to dare to be up and abroad, for the dawn had begun to cast an eerie light into the room that made the girl ghost tremble with secret apprehension. The tall clock gasped, rattled, and struck—one—two— three—four! —with a deliberate energy “Oh, Tristram—let us return!” said she: “it is growing dreadfully light, and ‘tis nearly time for the children to be down t examine their Christmas stockings. so afraid! What if we should see a living person! Indeed, listen! I think I heard a sound outside in the hall just now!” “Oh, nonsense, Lucia!” replied the other deep voice, “that was noth- ing but one of the regular ghosts that belongs here in the house—don't be fright- ened, dear; it isa little light, but I'm here to protect you,” The female phantom glanced up with pride at the spirit of her young husband, clad in the blue and buff of the Conti- nental uniform, his clean-shaven fa framed in wig and rutile. “Do you re- member, Tristram,” she said, with a sad, spiritual smile, “when we were alive, how we saw the wraith of my grandfather ina bell-crowned hat? How terrified I was! It would be strange, wouldn't it, if I were to be haunted in this ver: room by my own living great-granddaughter ?” “Td like to see her, though!” asserted arition she had called Tristram, ried the spectral wife, ‘not if she takes after me—I wouldn't trust in the room with her two minutes!” and she laughed a we laugh that tried to be brave, giving a trembling glance over her shoulder, as if her jesting words might conjure up the dreaded preset “LT wonder if she dos look like you, Lucia?” said the dead husband. “If it wasn't so late I'd go upstairs and appear unto her, “Tristram, I'm shocked!” ex female spirit. “Why not? She's ny great-granddaugh- ter as much as yours! I guess [ have right to call on my own grandson's chil “But she's twenty-three, and you're nly twenty-five,” protested Luc! “That's where the fun comes in,” laughed the great-grandfather. sam aimed the