Life — November 18, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A First Night. Scene :—The Lobby of the Empire Theatre. Tite :—Monday evening of last week. DRaMaTis PERSONA. Mk. Expnuss. 4 portly gentleman with a peculiarly shaped nose and diamond shirt. studs, MR. WANSENPULVER. Another portly gen- Heman with a peculiarly shaped nose and diamond shirt-studs, Men about Town, Critics in the pay of Charles Frohman, Other Critics not in * LIFE» the pay of Charles Frohman, Personas Friends of Charles Frokman with pects larly shaped noses, ete., ete. Mx. Eronvss: Vell, Isaac, vot you tink— vas ita go? MR. WANSENPULVER: I don't know, Jacob. But dot zenery vas fine—fine, It must have costet lots of money. Und dose close. Vot for haf Charlie Frohman make his actors change deir close so much? Dey could vear der same closé all der time und it vould not haf costet so much money. Mk. E.: Dot's all right. Charlie Frohman he knows his pusiness. If he has fine zenery and good close for his actors, den der Chris tian suckers forget all about der play und come away from der theatre und say Charlie Frohman is a heluvafella und den udder Christian suckers go und give uptwodollars, or mebbe two dollars und a helluf, to see der close und der zenery. “HARO HIT.” Mr. W.: So. Vell, dot's pusiness. how about dem actors. Dot Chon Drew vas a Christian, How vas it in a theatre vere everyt'ing else is Kosher der actors vas Christian ? Mr. E.: Vell, it's like dis, you see, Charlie Frohman vas young yet und dereain’t Kosher actors enough for all der theatres him und his zyndigate is running. You wait, though. Bimeby the actors vill be Kosher, too. Pe- sides, dere’s nobody for der Christian actors to vork for except Charlie und his zyndigate, so Charlie don't haf to pay big seleries. Mr. W.: Dot Miss Wolfe, I vos thinkin’ by her name, vos a Kosher maiden, Und she acted good, too, MR.E.: Yes, she acted good, but she vos not Kosher. Like all der udder actors, she must work for Charlie or starve, Und 1 tell you, Isaac, dose Christian actors don't like to starve. Und vhen it come cold vedder actors like to vear overcoats just like udder people. Efery day you can see actors with- out overcoats and who only eat twice a week just because Charlie hef got 'em on his black list. Und ven der udder actors see der hun- gry actors dey are glad to work for Charlie for helluf price. Mr. W.: But, Jacob, vot vas dot play, “A Merrige of Convenience,” all about ? Mr. E.: About nit, but dot makes no dif- ference to Charlie. He's got der name of Mr. Dumas und der name of Sydney Grundy, und his own name forty-seven times, on der programme. Dot makes der Christians think it vosa play. Und also der Christians liketo see Chon Drew act, Und so Charlie makes "em pay two dollars, mebbe two und a helluf, to see Chon Drew, no play, der zenery und der close. MR, W.: Und der noospapers—don't dey say somet'ing about it? Mk. E.: Sure. But you see Charlie knows bis pusiness. Some of der noos- papers is Kosher, und some of der papers haf Kosher critics, und dey're all solid for Charlie, Und all der udder critics hef plays to sell, und Charlie und his zyndigate is the only fellers to buy der plays, so Charlie pre- tends he is xuin" to buy deir plays, und den dey say exactly vot he tells ‘em to say. 1 tell you, Jacob, Charlie is a smart boy. Ma, W.: Aber—dere goes der bell of der letzt act. Vill you und Rebecca eat vith us after? I hef found a place vere der Velsh Und rabbits is marked down to twenty-nine cents. Mr. Kosher. Vith pleasure—if the rabbits is Metcalfe, Scandalous ! T is stated that in Glasgow there are five drunken women toevery drunken man. A scandalous dis- proportion! What ails the Glasgow men?