Life — October 7, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A crusty old farmer in Southera Illinois one day became an unwilling bost for three circuit-riding preachers who dropped in simultaneously for dinner. The larder was low, and the dinner consisted of a single fowl. The farmer asked the first sky-pilot what portion of the chicken he would have. “A le said number one. ‘Another leg, thank you,” requested number two. ‘And what will you have ?" asked the farmer, turning to number three. “«L will also take a leg, if you please,” replied the third. With an ejaculation t hat shocked his reverend guests, the farmer threw down his carving utensils and demanded to know what sort of a ‘‘crittur” they thought he was carv- ** This is a two-legged chicken,” he shouted; ** not a centipede.”” Argonaut, ing. + Axp you say,” said the sympathetic person, looking down from the eleva- tion of the doorstep upon the latest applicant for suburban charity, ‘that you have honestly done your best to find employment ?" ‘T have, madame.” “You havea regular vocation ?” “1 was formerly an expressman.” “In what city?” *In Boston.” “But surely at this season of the year you ought to find work enough as an expressman in a large city like Boston.” “ Madame, you do not know Boston. You have heard of the Bacchante ? Yes? Then it is only necessary to tell you that I am one of the expressmen who carried her to the station,” “But Ido not see—" “The fact became generally known, madame. From that moment I have ceased to be respectable, There is no one in Boston who will now employ me.” —Boston Budget, Ir was evident that the managing editor was angry, and as he wasashioing light in new journalism his anger was so yellow that it looked jaundiced. ‘“Who refused this contribution?" he demanded, holding some mauu- script aloft. replied a sub-editor, meekly, ‘‘ Really, I couldn't find a single meritorious idea in the whole thing.” ‘* Meritorious!" roared the managing editor. ‘Well, whocares? Didn't you know that the woman who wrote it has been three times divorced, aud is now on the verge of another scandal? What more do you think we want?” —Chicago Evening / A YOUNG gentleman whose gallantry was largely in excess of his pecuniary means sought to remedy this defect and save the money required for the pur- chase of expensive flowers by arranging with a gardener to let him havea bouquet from time to time in return for bis cast-off clothes. It thus hapy one day that he received a bunch of the most beautiful roses, which he at sent to his lady love. In sure anticipation of a friendly welcome he called the house of the lady the same evening, and was nota little surprised at the frosty reception he met with, “*You sent me a note to-day," the young lady remarked after a pause, in the most frigid tones. ‘*I—a note ?" he jaqsired, in blank astonishment. “Certainly, alorx with a nosegay.” ** To be sure, I sent you a nosegay. ** And there was this note inside; do you still mean to deny it?" With these words she handed the dumfounded swain a scrap of paper, on which the following words were written ; *‘ Don't forget the old trousers you promised me the other day.”"— Weekly Telegraph. arnneane ut ee. 1 Blair’s Pills Put it on i HAA UAH Hp THE BENEDICT Great English Remedy for GOUT and RHEUMATISM. SAPE, SURE, EPPECTIVE. Droggists, or 224 William St, Now York. WILLIAMS’ SHAVING SOAPS. Genuine Yankee Soap, 10 cts. Luxury Shaving Tablet, 25 cts. Swiss Violet Shaving Cream, 50 cts. Jersey Cream (Toilet) Soap, 15 cts. Williams’ Shaving Soap (arbers>, 6 Round Cakes, an Exquisite also for toilet, Trial cake for sc. stamp. THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Coan. Loon. 64 Great Russell St..N.W. SYDNBY, 161 Clarence St. By mail, If your dealer does not supply you. The Roof : and nothing but years of storm and sun and wind Ecan wear it off Dixon's Silica Graphite Roof Paint lasts 15 to 20years. For roofs, bridges, walls, 2 agricultural implements and anything that requires protection trom the action of the elements, acide, smoke orguses, DIXON'S crv | ROOF PAINT § ts the most serviceable and the most economical E paint ever mixed—covers most Write tor booulets snd pract ipformat Z JOS. DIXON CRUCIBLE CO. Scocauanenseareeneenzuzznany uilington Route BEST LINE CHICAGO or ST. LOUIS DENVER Sie view (Trade Mark) eno view Patent Collar and Cuff Button None genuine except with the name LENEDICT™ ‘and date of patent stamped upon it! Strong, durable and can be adjusted with perfect . ease. . 14 K't Gold. $t.75 and $2.00 each 10 K't Gold. $t.so.and $1.75 each Rolled Gold and Silver at soc. each. Sent by mail on receipt of above prices. BENEDICT BROS., Jewelers, BROADWAY AND CORTLANDT ST., NEW YORK. Send for Full Descriptive Circular. Skin Out” ust be comfortably clad in joy your exped: Tepresents the greatest com and most perfect fit, A one-piece arment—the unde Sold in all cities large towns. Booklet free. Hay & Todd Mig. Co., Ypsilanti, Mich. Vever ripand never tear, Ypsilanti Underwear.” —_=_———E