Life — September 30, 1897 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR ARMY OF THE FUTURE. Captain: THERE GOES THE BUGLE TO “CHARGE.” Lieutenant : GOODNE! Answers to Correspondents. OTHE EDI- TO OF " LIFE: I write to ask you to explain ‘the marriage and di- vorce laws of this State. 1 have been abroad with Tummy for so long a time that 1 have forgotten the statutes of this blawsted couatr; don’t you know, en | went away, | was mar- ried to the most dutiful of spouses. 1 left instructions for her guidance and she followed them—tor a time, 1 wrote her from the other side, that is, whenever I had time, an told her to repel the im- proper advances of men who sought to usurp my place and destroy. the sanctity of ey political home. I told bertobea good girl and not to read the forid and Wournal, When | come home, find her as good as en gaged to one William Nonmore, who bathes io - beer and is otherwise German. Can I have her arrested for bigamy or.what is my proper course in the premises? ICHARD FROG, Outside the Wigwarm, Candidly, Mr. Frog—and of course you want us to speak candidly, or you would not have written for advice—we think the best thing you can do is to acquiesce gracefully in the decision of your former flame, and do the self-sac- rificing lover act with as much limelight and merriment as possible. Legally, we fear that you have little ground for an action for bigamy, as the offense ap- pears to have been outlawed by your absence. Cheer up, sir, and remember that there have been others. There was E. Arden, for instance. To THE Epiror oF Lire: I have been keeping company with a young woman for some time and finally obtained her consent to marry her. An old man named Catt— Thomas P. Catt—who has also been atten- tive tothe young lady—who, bye-the-bye, has just attained her majority—is making rude remarks about me. What shall I doto retain my fiancée's affection ? SETH Stow, Northeastsouthwest Harbor, Me. Your case is a very simple one, Seth. It reminds us of the story of the young man who, while waiting with a ten- dollar box of candy for the arrival of his sweetheart, interviewed her small brother. ‘Oh, yes,” responded the youngster to a question, ‘‘ sister likes to have you call, and the young man she’s engaged to doesn't mind. He says it saves him a lot of money in flowers and candy.” Let the old gentleman pay the freight, Seth. It won't do him any good, or you any harm To tHe Epitor oF Lire: My little grandson, Olly Wolcott, is giving mea great deal of trouble. I do declare 1 don’t know what to do with that boy. He cries for every- thing he sees. I've humored him until he's spoiled completely. When he was quite a little boy he cried for me to give him a play- toy called an aldermanship. He said he would like that better,than a toy steamboat. GRACIOUS, AND MY CAP ISN'T STRAIGHT | The other boyshad steamboats, but he want- eda real ship. 1 got it for him, Then he cried for me to put him in a high chair where he could look at the lawyer men wrangle. Veople called bim Master District Attorney, and he clapped his little hands and was sat= ished fora while. Now he’s after me again and wants me to give him a toy called ama- chine nomination, or something like that. He says bis little playmate, Sethy Slow, has one, and that he won't be happy till he has one, too. Now, what am I to do? I am getting to be an old man, and I can’t be watching Olly all the time. ' He might break this toy if 1 got it for him, mightn't he? And then, what would become of his present playthings ? Tuomas P, Catt, The White Elephant, N. Y. Better not let Olly have that toy, Mr. Catt. Children are so destructive, you know, And then, if he should break it —as you so sagely suggest—he wouldn't have any play-toys left, would he? It's going to be a long winter, Mr. Catt, and we think you would do well to keep Olly amused with his present play- things. To THE Epitor OF Lire: I wish to ask what redress | have in the case of cattle lost or stolen, and subsequently found in the opassession of another and rival ranchero, have a large farm in Kings County and have had great success in the raising of live stock. In fact, 1 may say that there have been in this county more cattle bearing my brand than any other stock-raiser in these parts can pointto. Lately, however, I have been greatly troubled by the straying of some of my finest animals, and the misfor- tune is continuing instead of abating. Last Tuesday night, in particular, I losta number of very fine head of cattle. I have every reason to believe that the disappearance of my property has not been entirely without outside interference. In fact, I have recog- nized some of my stock on the ranch of another farmer, by name L. Queely Jer: Now, | am undecided as to my course. Shali comicbooks.com