Life — September 16, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

English Railway Speed. ‘Tue Southeastera Railway,after many desperate attempts,has at last beaten all records by performing, on July rst, the distance between Aldershot town and Ash—about two and three-quarter miles—in the incredible time of one hour and twenty minutes! There is a train timed to leave Aldershot at 8:04, but I need hardly say that no attempt was made to start at that time. At about 8:30 the engine seemed to become uneasy,and gave vent to loud whistles of distress. Tnese whistles may, of course, have only indicated nervousness on the part of the engine, owing, perhaps, to a foreknowledge that a gallant attempt was about to be made by which all previous records would be put in the shade, At about 8:40a slight retrograde movement was observed, but was attributed by the passengers to the engine's intense excitement. At about 8:55 the train slowly left the station, and proceeded about four hundred yards down the line, when a halt was called, owing, no doubt to weakness caused by the excitement of engine and driver. Noted plungers were now offering the extravagant odds of one hundred to one on the record being lowered, but no takers were to be found. At o:0s the locomotive, having pulled itself together, once more proceeded on its journey, and at about 9:20 arrived at its destination amid a scene of in- describable enthusiasm. The station-master fell weeping on the guard's neck, and hysterical passengers surrounded the engineer, wringing his hand and begging for locks of his hair. The engine seemed utterly exhausted, and gasped feebly, though no doubt feeling in its innermost boiler a thrill of glad pride at having inthis year of years established a record which will certainly never be beaten.—Pall Mall Gazette. A Memner or Conoress was going home very late a few nights ago when he met a young man who was hopelessly drunk. The Congressman happened to know where he lived, and kindly guided him home. The Congressman had no sooner pulled the bell than the door was flung open anda tall and vigorous woman appeared. She said not a word, but grabbed the intoxicated young man by the collar and gave him a shaking that fairly loosened his teeth, Into the hall she shook him and shammed the door. The Congressman was descending the steps, when the door opened again and his friend flew ox: asif flung from a catapult. He landed at the foot of the stairs, and the Cos. gressman picked him up. He was very much frightened, and he was almos sober, He managed to gasp out: '* We don't live here. We—we moved las: wotk.” The really interesting thing would be to know what happened tothe man who does live there.— Washington Post, THe wife of the late Professor Agassiz was one morning putting on kr stockings and boots. A little scream attracted the profes:or's attention. Not having risen, he leaned forward anxiously on his elbow and inquired what was the matter. ‘Why, a little snake has just crawled out of my boot!” cried she. ‘*Only one, my dear?” interrogated the professor, calmly lying dows again. “There should have been three.” He had put them there to keep them warm.—3uffalo Commercial, “*T KNEw it would come in time,” said the young woman who wants to vote and wear bicycle clothes for evening dress. ‘* We are reaching a pois where we cannot fail to be recognized.” “*What do you mean ?" inquired Miss Cayenne. “*T mean that our sex has been achieviog so much that it cannot be loag before our superiority is admitted.” “OF course,” said Miss Cayenne, ‘* women have always shown facility is certain branches of art. But that does not imply any obligation on her part to participate in the more rugged affairs of life." “She can do all that men can. Take, for example, the occurrences of the past few weeks, Literature has educated us to believe that the natural course of events is for a girl to fall into the water, and for a young man to come alorg and rescue her. But see hqw things have changed. Recall the reports which have appeared in the newspapers from day today. Scarcely a weck has passed without seeing some young man who couldn't swim fall into the water. Apd whose strong arm was it that pulled him out?" “1 don't know,” replied Miss Cayenne, rather frigidly. “It was a woman's! What," she added, in atone of quiet triumph, ‘does that go to show 2?” “It simply goes to show, dear, how dreadfully scarce men are getting tote at summer resorts.”— Washington Star. KINDLY PRECAUTIONS. *Arry: “ORSE SEEMED STAWTLED LOIKE, MYTE! Ol WHOISTLED ALL ROIGHT!