Life — September 16, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SISSOR) AT NVLLYS Tue two highwaymen had followed a street railway magnate several blocks, waiting for a favorable chance torob him, Suddenly he stopped before the residence of an alderman, ran lightly'up the steps, rang the bell and was admitted. The footpads looked at each other. ‘* Well,” said one, ‘what's to be done now ? Shall we wait for him to come out ?"" “Naw!” exclaimed the other in disgust. hev to wait fer de alderman now.” —Chicago Times-Herald. “We'll Tie conclusiveness of an entry of the death of a woman on the records of the court recently led to her discharge when she subsequently appeared in court in Chattanooga. The Attorney-General took her by the arm, and, walking up to the judge's stand, said: “* Here is our dead defendant. I think we had better try her.” To which the Court replied: “1 think not, We have her on the record asdead. Rose, you will have to go home and die. Let the former order stand.” —Case and Comment. Mrs. CaroLine Corstn, the anti-woman's suffrage leader of Chicago, went to school with Susan B. Anthony. Years after the two women met in Washing- ton and Miss Anthony asked: ‘‘ What have you been doing all these years?” ‘Bringing up four boys,” answered Mrs, Corbin. Boys!" scornfully exclaimed the outspoken Susan. ‘* What under the su with your brains doing with four boys?" Wou! have me strangle them?" was the retort. ‘' Bosh. the emphatic answer; “you should never have had They will grow up to be men—nothing but It was after this that Mrs. Corbin became an anti-suffragist.— Wave, » England, Aoxsts, ““We are thorry to thay,” “The Skedunk Weekly News,” ‘that our compothing- room wath entered lath night by thome unknown thcoundrel, who thole every ‘eth’ inthe ethtablithment and thucceeded in making hith ethcape undetected. “It hath been impothible, of courthe, to procure a new thupply of etheth in time for thith ithue, and we are thuth compelled to go to preth in a thituation motht embarrathing and dithtrething, but wecan thee no other courth to purthue than to make the betht thtagger we can to get along without the mithing let- ter, and we therefore print ‘The Newth’ on time, regardleth of the loth we have thuthtained. “The motive of the mithcreant doubtleth wath re- venge for thome thuppothed inthult. “Tt thall never be thaid that the petty thpite of any thmall-thouled villain hath dithabled ‘The Newth,’ and if thith meet the eye of the detethtable rathcal we beg to athure him that he underethimateth the re- thourceth of a firtht-clath newthpaper when be thinkth he can cripple it hopelethly by breaking into the alphabet. We take occathion to thay to him further- more that before next Thurthday we thall have three timeth ath many etheth ath he thtole. “We have reathon to thuthpect that we know the cowardly thkunk who committed thith act of vandal- ithm, and if he ith ever theen prowling about thith ethtablithment again, by day or by night, nothing will give uth more thatithfaction than to thoot hith hide full of holeth."—Boston Transcript, explained the editor of Tuts continued whittling down of prices reminds me of the man who had a big trade on Albata spoons and he insisted that he must have a better price. The manufacturer said he could not make any reduction un- less he put in more lead. The merchant said, ‘All HARPER AND BROTHERS : NEW YORK AND Loypos, ‘om a Girl's Point of View. By Lilian Rell, An Open-Eyed Conspiracy. By W.D. Howey, Mrs, Keith's Crime. By Mrs. W. K. Clifford, Jokn Marmaduke. By Samuel Harden Chured, New York and London: G. P. Putoam's Sox The Art of Conversing, London and Frederick Warne and Company. right; use more lead." It was not long before be wang] another reduction, and he got the same answer {ral the manufacturer. He got instructions from there) chant to use more lead, as he must have the spag ata less price. Still he was not happy, and w; another reduction, The manufacturer informed b that it was impossible; that he could not male x lower price. The merchant wrote back and said, in more lead.” The manufacturer answered and a:| “IT can’t do it, as the last lot I sent you were all lex! —Hardnen Tiere isa story of Bishop Barrington and Philjec afterward Bishop of Exeter, who was at the time e. rington’s secretary. The Bishop sai select for publication twelve of my sermons thst jx think will do me least discre: hortly after, the sermons had been chosen, the bishop asked you think that these will do me credit?” lord,” answered Philpotts, “to adhere to your loréty} former expression.” ‘The sermons were not publ —Exchen; Papa CRUMLEY: he keeps. MR. Surtor: Yes, sir. I hope you will bear ini that I've been keeping company with your daughie:ir over two years.— Philadelphia North American, 1 judge a man, sir, by the compu UROPEAN AGENTS—Messra. Brentano, 37 Avenue de Oper, Saartach’s News Exchange, 1 Clarnstrame, Mayence, ny, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. There is a “comfortable feeling” that comes after a bath with Ivory Soap. Tne Paocten & Gamvit Co., Cu HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE. (10 YEARS OLD.) Warranted a PURE TONICAL STIMULANT. Recommended by Physicians and known as the CHOICEST WHISKEY For CLUB, FAMILY and MEDICINAL USE. Sold at all First-class Cates and by Jobbers. “We could adduce a hundred illustra- tions to prove the advantages of shorthand Jand the saving of time thereby effected. |Only think, gentlemen, it took Goethe forty years to write his ‘ Faust’; how many years he might have saved if he had known shorthand.""—Dor/bar bier, New Orleans, Mexico and California. Reached from New York via Pennsyl- vania and Southern Railway, offering the most perfect service to New Orleans, Mex- ico and the Pacific coast. Tourist car the year round from Washington to San Francisco, New York office, #71 Broadway. Maset: Why are you putting on your jlovely light-blue silk stockings and white lace petticoat in such a muddy town as this? Epitu: Because it is a muddy town, —Columbia Crucial Questions, Smoking Tobacco # % TRADE MARK WM. LANAHAN & SON, BALTIMORE, MD. Yj Patronize American Industries —wear KNOX HATS. «=a MALT EXTRACT MAKES - FLESH AND BLOOD — AVOID SUBSTITUTES Ce RMN Wanted—An Idearzz-zss ae of some sim pope ae HS SA AUDA AGM CS Cane se 0. NLw YORK A on, D. C., for their $1,800 prize offer, Sone thoueand inventions © | neys, ‘and bew List of inventions wanted. A nisop of St. David's confided to # old Welsh clergyman his difficulty in 2° Established 144. tering the Welsh double L. The pars? replied: ‘Put the tip of your apostoli |tongue in the roof of your episcopal mott) my lord, and then hiss like a gander. CLOTHING ... MENRY KEEN, Tailor, 114 High Holborn, London, W. C. | —London Truth. |