Life — September 9, 1897 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: effects upon themselves of such experimentation! With careful management one {vivisectionist could be used for quite a number of demonstrations, and medical students, while cutting, strain- ing, twisting, or otherwise alter- ing the normal condition of his nerves and muscles, could have 215 the unspeakable advantage of hearing from his lips an accurate statement of the result of each operation, instead of having to depend on such uncertain signs as struggles and cries of pain. In fact, when we think of the numerous advan- tages of the scheme, it seems strange that it has not been carried into effect long ago. It cannot be that our vivisectors shrink from offering them- selves for such purposes from any fear of the pain involved. Their well-known devotion to the good of the race forbids any such supposition, to say nothing of their own assertion that such experi+ ments are usually painless. It can only be that the idea has not occurred to them. Now that it has been suggested, we shall hope to see it enthu- siastically adopted. Each vivisector who so offers himself will be consoled for any discomfort in the manner of his taking off by the consciousness of the benefits he is conferring upon science, and may carry with him the comforting reflection that in the opinion of a large number of his fellow-men his death is less of an evil than the sacrifice of a faithful dog, or the torture of innumerable help- less beasts and birds. FFECTATION is the difference between what other people know about us and what we want them to think about us. The Point of View. EV. DR. FOURTHLY: I had a full house to- day. The collection amounted to seventeen dollars and forty-eight cents, Can you beat that? Rev. Mr. SPLICER: That depends on how you look at it, I only had two pair, but the fees came to twenty dollars, CONOMY is a disagreeable way some people have of going without what they want in order that they can afford to get what they don’t want. At an Intelligence (?) Office. RS, TELFAIR (interviewing applicant for position of ‘first-class cook”): ‘*Can you make all kinds of soups, entrées and desserts?” Cook: **Oh, yes’m!"” Mrs. TELFAIR: ‘‘Do you make a good mock- turtle soup?” Cook: ‘*Oh, yes'm!" Mrs, TELFAIR (who, on account of past experi- ences, is incredulous): ‘‘ How do you make it?” Cook: ‘Oh, just like anyone else does.” Mrs. TELFAIR (persistently): ‘‘Give me your recipe.” Cook (hesitatingly): ‘‘ Well, I just makes a COCKTAIL,” foine good soup, and then I gets the little mock- “SAME AS ANY OTHER COCKTAIL, ONLY DOUBLE DE Quantity.” turtles and I throws ‘em in, comicbooks.com