Life — August 26, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Kissing. Tell me not in scientific Pages such a tale as this: That diseases most terrific Gain diffusion by a kiss. Kissing’s real, kissing’s earnest, Though the vile bacillus lurk In the kiss that thou returnest, Trust me, Damon will not shirk. Vain the doctor's adjuration, Phillis lightly to me trips; If there's death in osculation Let me take it from her lips. When a merry maiden fair is, Medical advice decline; Let her sweet orbicularis Oris lightly rest on thine, Yet since kissing surely pleases, We by €sculapian art Can prognosticate diseases, Soft affections of the heart. Kissing is by nature taught us, Kiss the girls then when they come; Though a kiss be, vide Plautus, Acherontis pabulum, —St. James Gazette. “You fellows have got your business down to quite nexact science,” the eighth floor passenger remarked, bserving that the elevator had been stopped with its oor on an exact level with the floor of the hallway. “Yes,” the elevator-man assented, “‘a person gets so used to that sort of thing that he doesn’t notice it much. A rather neat piece of work was done in that next shaft the other day,” he continued, ‘ Probably nobody except me would have paid any attention to it, but it struck me asa very good illustration of the skill that can be developed in this profession.” “Ves?” “Yes, It was this way. The twenty-second floor- door of this here shaft where the thing occurred had been left open, and a stenographer girl gets absent- minded and steps in, The car was then at the twelfth, coming up, and the elevator man sees the stenographer just as she starts, ‘Here, this'll never do,’ says he, and with that he reverses and starts his car down. “The girl passes me at the seventeenth and I throws everything open to keep alongside of her, and watch what happens. At the rate she was going I judged she'd hit the roof of the car under her with an awful bump, but shedidn’t. The elevator-man kep' his eye on her, and gauged the speed of his car so’s to fall just a le-e-etle bit slower than she did. She'd almost caught him at the seventh, and they was going like fun. If it hadn't been a pretty high building, his calculations would have been upset, of course. As it was, though, he had time to jolly her for a floor or two. Kept just out of her reach, you know, so’s to keep her guessing. When he sees he's getting pretty close to bottom, he pulls the lever over just the le-e-east bit, and she lights on the roof of that car just as easy, sir, as if she was setting down on an easy chair. He stops with his roof flush with the second floor, and the stenographer opens the door and steps out. She'd never speak to that man again, she vowed, because he'd joshed her that little bit on the way down. Funny how touchy these women are, ain't it ?"—Chicago Times-Herald, A Party of Stanford professors undertook, fora scientific object, to penetrate into the depths of anolj Tuolumne mine. One of the number relates the fo). lowing startling incident. On his ascent in the ordinary manner, by means of a bucket, and with a miner fora fellow passenger, he perceived, as he thought, unmis takable symptoms of weak places in the rope. ‘How often do you change your ropes, my good man ?"be inquired, when about half-way from the bottom of tte awful abyss. ‘We change them every three month, sir,” replied the man in the bucket; ‘‘and we shay change this one to-morrow if we get up safe to-day, sir."—Wave, Ir is not necessary to repeat his remarks. Whe: his wife heard them imperfectly, being in the next room, she said: ‘* Oh, do say that over again, dear.” * Loot here, woma: he replied, in a concentrated voice, “*when a man gets his finger caught between a sprocke, and achain, it is no time for his wife to get funny.” “Oh!” said she; ‘was that it? I thought you wer repeating one of those Christian Endeavor * yells.'” —Indianapolis Journal “Do you belong to the bridal party ?"” asked the hotel clerk. “*No; I’m only the groom.""—Detrott Free Press. A Boston paper tells a story of a Smith College girl who was awakened in her summer home by the cry, ‘Fire, Fire!” Cool and collected, she donzed her clothes, and then thought: ‘* Now, what do I valse the most?" After mature reflection she took a list ef books from her writing desk and left the house. “! am so glad I saved it,” she said afterward toa symp. thizing friend, ‘for if I had lost it I could not tel what books I read last year.” Yor sale by all Kewadealere tn Great Britain, | The Inter national Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lanc, om, EO Eng OENTR, Parity Gaarbach's Nowe. Germany, Agents for Germany, Eunormax Ai sare, Brentano, $1 Avenue 40 pare ustria and Bwit The bride’s new home may not supply jewels dollars to forty a suit All luxuries the old provided, —we knew you thought it} AC Yates & Co chestnut apd Thirteenth Biiadelpbia oft THE GENUINE We sell self-respect orl JOHANN HOFF re MALT EXTRACT MAKES FLESH AND BLOOD ge Pure Ivory Soap to any other, But sometimes it is wise to buy The very best, and, rightly guided, cost more—that’s why we) AVOID SUBSTITUTES —~ SS ‘The little wife prefers, like mother, : tell you. Conta <MNOTLSON C6 | A LITTLE girl has an uncle who taught her to open and shut his crush hat. One evening, however, he appeared with an ordinary silk hat, which he left in the hall. | Presently he saw the child coming with his new hat crusbed into accordion pleats. Copyright 1008, bp The Procter & Gumbie Ca, Cla DIBRER ETTES LITTLE CIGARS. ALL IMPORTED | ToBAcca. HIGHEST IN PRICE] FINESTIN QUALITY 25c. a Bundle. 10 in Bundle. 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