Life — July 22, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A WARM DAY AT ASBURY PARK. compel the shuddering wavesto embrace them. The Founder, telescope in hand, patrols the beach, vigilant to detect nudity. As the bath is a religious ceremony, not a hygienic measure, the bathing-suits are waterproof, and bear the tag that marks the censor's approval. Perchance some daring stranger dashes for the ocean in a Narragansett suit, but the shrieks of horror from the elect rally the legions of the Satrap, and the wretch is seized and cast into a dungeon, while his garb is given to the flames. Bathing ranches adorn the beach in great profusion, the gift of a pious brother who takes his reward, as becomes a lover of humanity, in a simple announcement of the fact that he is the giver, and that he is engaged in the manufacture and sales of certain wares. Babies are numerous and popular at Asbury Park, and every year, instead of flower carnivals or amateur circuses, the place turns itself loose on babies, which move up and down the beach in proud processional, unmindful of deacons and founders. They are licensed libertines in Asbury, the only ones daring enough to fly in the face of the laws and drink defiantly from bottles on the sacred sands. The colored brother is welcome at camp meeting and revival, his lungs and ardor adding excitement to the scene; but when the season of prayer is over the African is ordered intoa reservation,where he iscorraled. Religion and brother- hood are glorious, but business is business. Excursionists are welcome at Asbury Park, but they must remember that when they reach its borders the re- public ceases, and an unlimited monarchy begins. Joseph Smith, Patient : WOLD OFF, THERE! YOU'VE GOT HOLD OF MY TONGUE! Operator (in anger): WHO'S A DOIN’ THIS—SAY ?