Life — July 15, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Wuerr did you learn French?" asked the risian, “From a native,” proudly replied the tourist. “Ah! A native of what 2” ~Philadelphia North American. Jack: Where's Bill now ? Jit: Out West “* What doing ?" * Raising palms.” “Doing what 2?” “Raising palms—making tenderfoots throw up their hands."— Yonkers Statesman. DeRrinc the visit tothe home of Thomas Jefferson the other day, Representative Tongue, of Ohio, asked the venerable guide whether there were any battles fought around there, ‘‘No, sah; no, sah!" replied the old negro; ‘not since the wah, sah."—Exchange, TEACHER (conducting review in geography): How is the surface of the earth divided ? fourth land and three- fourths water—ceptin’ the Chicago River, which is bout half an’ half.—Chicago Tribune. “ Wuar is the meaning of all these ladders leaning gainst the trees?" ‘His Excellency is going to have h boar hunt to-morrow.""—Fliegende Blatter. Fuppy: Spinner has taken to the lecture plat- Horm; reads his own poems. Dupoy: Spinner always was an eccentric fellow. Always doing what nobody else ever thought of doing. —Boston Transcript, A GENTLEMAN heard that a young girl, whose mother was in poor circumstances, was convalescing from a dangerous sickness. Forthwith he went to a fruiterer’s and secured some choice bunches of Hamburg grapes at one dollar or thereabouts a pound. He carried them, not without some self-satisfaction, to the house of the invalid, and left them with her mother, who received them in a dubious kind of man- ner that did not evince, as he thought, much gratitude, This did not trouble him greatly, however, but the next day when he called he received a blow which almost made him resolve never again to be generous to strangers, “How did your daughter like the grapes ?” he said to the grim and undemonstrative matron, “Oh, pretty well,” was the reluctant answer. “Did she eat them all 2” was the next query. “Yes, she got away with them,” was the reply. “But she isa good deal like me; she likes something nice and tasty—like canned corn," —Sacred Heart Review, NorTHeERN Max (down in Florida): What's the price of that orange grove ? Native: Ten thousand dollars, Mister. consumption long ? “Consumption? T haven't consumption.” “ Just weak lungs, maybe ?” “My lungs are sound as a dollar. I am merely looking fora good place to locate; doesn't matter to me whether it’s North or South, “Oh! Well, I'lllet you hav Had the rove for $250." York Weekls observed a friend of the family is a very superior woman. She can converse intel. gently, I believe, on a thousand different topics” “Yes,” sighed Mr. Meeker, ‘and she does.” —Chicago Tribune GENERAL PorTeER tells a story of his farewell ty Mark Twain once when Mark was going away said, ‘Good-by, Mark; may God be with you always. He drawlingly replied, ‘I— hope — He — will — but-| hope, too—that He may find some leisure—momeats~t —take—care—of—you.'"—Argonaut. “ Iris related that a sophomore one commencem day was crossing the campus of Emory College, Oxford, Ga., with his sweetheart, who stopped to read the in. scription upon the stone to the memory of Ignatius Few, the first president. “* What does that mean?” she asked, pointing to the line, ‘* Vivit—non mortuus est." Proud of his ability totranslate Latin, the studentexplained: ‘‘* He lives. No, he don’t; he's dead.’" —New York Christian Advocate, “We havea long account to settle with Turkey,” said Prince Constantine, grimly. ‘*Yes," said Kisg George, with a slight smile, ‘‘and it's a running ac- count at that."—Cleveland Plain Dealer, A.: WELL, how did you sleep last night? Did you follow my advice and begin counting ? B.: Yes. I counted up to 18,000. And then you fell asleep ?” “*No; then it was time to get up."— 7vt-Bits. For eale by all Newedenlers in Great Britain. The Inter © Company, Bream'e Building. Chancery Lana NTR, Paris; Saari EURorEAN AQENT#—Mesare, Brentano, $7 Avenue de 'Opere, bach's News Exc larastrasse, Mayence, Germany, Agents for Germany, “Kcveria and Switeerland: The housewife who thoughtfully packs for a stay At seashore or pacmiainy will | ©) EVANS’ _ INDIA PALE ALE part fill a is rich in favor With a leary. So Suey for ’tis best, as For her laundress to use on the light summer clothes. Copqrigee 108, by The Procter & Ouse Ca,CaXe sparkling in brilliancy and without sediment. A real good lold Ale Jof uniform quality and absolute purity, |recommended both as a Tomay : Parent : Sunday school all these years and don't know who Shylock was? your Bible, Tommy; beverage and tonic. C. MH, EVANS & SONS, Established 178%, Brewery & Bottling Works, Hepsox, ¥ JAt All Summer Resorts. Papa, who was Shylock ?, | What! You have been to Go and read! read your Bible. The Bicycle Sensation— 1897COLUMBIAS AT $75. Standard of the World. 1896 Columbias 1897 Hartfords . Hartford Pattern 2... at 45, Hartford Pattern |. =, at 40. Hartford Patterns 5 and 6 at 30, . at $60, at 50. These are the prices. They have set the whole gs UA AU CIGARS, ALL, IMPORTED, ToBpacca, Patronize American Industries) aca KNOX HATS Protect your ideas: they. ‘Wanted—An ide & pe gba em pio eit er ceemington, fog hg an wanted. bicycle world talking— and buying. Who can think of some simple thing to patent! ‘bring you wealth. CO., Patent Attor. $00 prize offer | POPE MFG. CO., Hartford, Conn. Catalog free from any Columbia deal- HIGHEST IN PRICE) FINESTIN QUALITY 2sc. a Bundle. 10 in Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for ase. H. ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. Tue American Tosacco Co., Successor. ED. CUEEN Ne on PERPUMES. PINAUDS — PARIS — VIOLET.TE, RE! TE AND REFINED, | er; by mail for a 2-cent stamp. LATEST EXTRACT FOR THE HANDKERCHIEF. NE” SMe TRUE ODOR OF THE LIVING FLOWER. BEWARE OF: (NFER, ne fee UMES SOLD UNDER SIMILAR NAMES. “] Mave here a neat and pretty little le ter opener,” began the agent. ‘‘So hart I, at home,” said the business man, sadly: “*T am married,”"—Cincinnats Tribune. comicbooks.com