Life — June 24, 1897 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MARGINS DEMANDED, HOSE creatures down on Wall street— They call them Bulls and Bears— Possess a queerness of their own Amid their stocks and shares. Of course they get quite hungry, "Twixt the profit and the loss; But “lamb” they'll never take unless Accompanied by “ mint"-sauce. James Barrett Kirk, LIFE’S PERSONALLY CONDUCTED LONG BRANCH. EW JERSEY is an active rival of I New Hampshire in the business of decoying unsuspecting seekers after rest and coolness within its confines, with a view of relieving them of their fat rolls and spare cash, The haunts of her summer condottieri are scattered along her coast from Cape May to Sandy Hook, and each has its own particular bait for snaring the unwary. Asbury Park hypnotizes the confiding church- goer; Atlantic City allures the giddy “WHOSE GRASS IS IT, ANYWAY?’ Philadelphian, weary of Schuylkill’'s sparkling waters and his city’s effer- vescent social functions ; while Long Branch draws to its tentacles the modest horseman, the guileless Israelite, and those people who reject Moses and bow down to faro, Long Branch connects by boat with New York, and py rail with jocund Jersey City; but it has other entenne reaching out in various directions for prey, to fatten the anthropophagi who run its hotels. The Branch boasts of healthfulness, its health officer claims the lowest death rate in our solar system ; but this only proves that homi- cide is not necessarily an incident in highway robbery. Yet it is not its repu- tation for health that draws visitors to its ocean-washed sands; it is its broad and tolerant spirit that constitutes its great attraction, Cash, not character, is the best passport to its affections, for it is indifferent to the possession, or lack, of reputation. People goto Long Branch for pleasure; and if they have any repu- tation, good or bad, why freight it to the seaside to expose it to the moods of a variable climate? « * * UNE Newport, Long Branch cares little for revolutions and ancestors; but it is particular about the pedigrees of its—horses; nor does it worry much about the masses and the classes—unless it be to draw the line on the 2.30 class. Society at the Branch is like its drinks—very much mixed. It is concerned more about the resources than the sources of a man; and it prefers that letter of introduction issued on green paper by the Treasury at Washington, and to any adorned with the monograms of effete monarchs and bankrupt barons. When men degenerate they go to the dogs, the devil, or the debtor's prison; in Long Branch they go to the horses and the Daly; but the results are alike. The race track is an institution, in this restful retreat, where gaily-robed men and affable ladies of democratic manners get plucked of their pluckings by amia- ble gentlemen who have neither race nor religious prejudices. If, as is cus- tomary, the race is not to the swift, they may adjourn to the temples of the Egyptian King, where the battle is not to the strong, and where the financial possibilities are numerous and free lunch is perennial. In these hospitable banks the cabalistic letters are X and V, and 1.0.U. are permanent hoodoos. Persons who have received confidential tips and inside information on horses,and who have mislaid the combination, can learn how easy it is for a smiling, well-oiled man to sit behind a small box with a pile of parti-colored buttons and grow rich on the interest of the spectators, if he has the entrée of Daly's hospitable collecting agency. * ° * HERE is something peculiarly soothing and satisfying in the air of Long Branch to the descendants of the gentlemen who some years ago hurriedly removed from Egypt to Syria, with a quantity of their neighbors’ per- sonal property, on a tour conducted by Moses and other prominent citizens, who had been engaged fighting the Egyptian Brick Trust. If the literary gentleman who kept a roster of the tourists on that excursion were to visit Long Branch to-