Life — June 3, 1897 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

green lamb pastures of Wall Street, the horny-handed chief of a coal, iron or oil industry, can be run through society's pre- paratory machine, and, by judicious circuit- ing, be made as attractive and wholesome as a decrepit French marquis. The wives and daughters of these crude Croesuses are of course charming at all times, yet even on them seasonable circulation has a subduing effect. It becomes possible after a few seasons to view their gowns without cotton in the ears; one may sit within fifty yards of them at the opera and still di: tinguish the base-drum in the orchestra ; their diamonds may be counted without the aid of colored glasses; the necessity for labeling them at the Horse Show ceases; and they no longer deem the publication of their names in the fetid Sunday press an epoch-making event. New York is the nursery of aristocrats on UM this continent. The candidates for admis-"D 4,77 _ sion come from all parts of the country, : though a majority are cradled in the Sierras, Chicago, the oil and coal fields, and in that mind, Wall The number of applicants is limited Gehenna of the agricultural Street. by the superserviceable zeal of the police and the candidates’ lack of tact in financial transactions, whereby they miss society and are compelled to bury their social attractions in various State institutions. In New York the new aspirants for social notoriety serve a probationary period under the vigilant and captious eyes of those already inside what is called the charmed circle, the ring of gold. Many methods are in vogue of reach- ing this celestial spot, but spot cash is probably the most effective passport. Caterers, tailors, milliners, dress- makers and architects are important parts of the probationary machinery; and the newcomer is cleansed, smoothed, So housed, dressed, fed, and taught the correct meth- ods of eating, drink- y ing, speaking and ap- ~<= pearing, by these expert trainers. The evidences of gulch and stockyard, the odor of ; factory, mine and oil- well, and even stains on reputation, are removed during the ascent of the golden stairs; and before the candidate has reached the third degree of his initia- tion he learns to act as though this strange and artificial life had always been his. The man is seldom abso- lutely successful in this; the woman, gifted with more imagination and nerve, always is. In time the new aristocrat is men- tioned in the papers; he gets intoa house or two; he has a box at the opera, and exhibits that fearless elo- quence the place demands, He has now reached a point where he can stand without hitching, and is ready to go afield. He will visit watering TOO MUCH. IE, WOULD YOU RATHER DIE AN’ BE A ANGEL WITH A HARP, OR TEMPTATION IS TOO TERRIBLE! places, mountain, lake and sea r sorts; he will learn to stop apologi. ing for his origin, and calmly deny he will acquire what society calls man- ners, but seldom good breeding; he will learn to watch the cracks in the shellac of his pretensions, and master the fine art of cutting his friends. Our aristocracy is neither sufficiently understood nor appreciated; the pro- foundly philosophical hidden springs of their actions are not understood; nor have a proper reverence and awe for our peerage been inculcated. To correct these errors, LiFe will personally concuct a series of tours during the summer months to a vari- ety of popular fashionable and summer resorts. The purpose of these tours is edu- cational; to bring our aristoc- racy and democracy closer together; to show the germ of our nobility at Coney Is- land, and trace his growth, development, flower and fruit through various culture spots up to that pinnacle of American social glory, Lenox. comichooks.