Life — May 13, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CERTAIN young lady who is plentifully endowed with the choicest gifts of nature went toa bosom friend the other day and said: “* Marian, I do wish there was some way to find out who among the young men of my acquaintance are sin- cere and honest in what they say to me. They are all such flatterers that I never know when to believe what they tell me and when not to, I detest falsehood above everything, and it would please me greatly to know those among my friends who are really sincere. “1 will tell you a way,” said Marian, who was a sensible, thoughtful little woman. ‘The next time you have a number of them calling upon you, stand up and recite a dramatic poem for them, and tell me what they say about it.” The young lady consented, and some time afterward when five or six of her warmest admirers had gathered in her parlor she offered to give them a recitation, and did so. She hadn't the slightest idea of elocution and no dramatic talent whatever, but she went through with it, and it was very, very bad, even for an amateur. A few days later she met her friend, and she asked her how her effort was received. “Oh,” she said, “they were delighted with my recitation, Tom and Charlie, and Dick and Harry were perfectly entranced. They said Sarah Bernhardt coulda’t have equaled it.” “Did every one praise you ?” asked her friend. “All but Mr. Watson. He sat back ia his chair and never applauded at all. After I had finished he told me that he was afraid my forte was not in the dramatic line.” ‘And now,” said her friend, sincere and who is not.” “* Yes, indeed,’ said the fair girl. you know who is “Your test was acomplete success. I'm going to begin studying for the stage right away, and I'll never speak to that odious Mr. Watson again,"—Detroit Free Press. Tue minister entered the cottage of one of his parishioners, whence proceeded sounds of woe, With- in, a man sat sobbing over the fire. “* What's the matter, Donald?" asked the sympa- thetic clergyman. “Oh, sir" (amid sobs), ‘* Duncan NeTavish’s wife's eid!” ‘Well, but [did not know she was any relation of yours, Donald.” “No, she’s no" (more sobs! seems as if everybody was getti “she's no, but it just achance but me!" Answers, Tue Pastor's Wispos,—"'I never thought it of you, George,” said the pastor's old schoolmate, in the seclusion of the ministerial study. ‘* That I should live to hear you denouncing progressive euchre as wicked.’ “TEL didn’t,” said the good man, ‘they would be playing poker next, But as long as I can keep them believing that they are sinninga little they will stick to their euchre.""— Cincinnati Enguirer. Just nerorE THE BatTLe.—“ Halt!” exclaimed the Turkish commander. ‘Adjutant, call the roll.” “ Rudyard Kipling ! “ Here.” “Stephen Crane!" “Here.” “ Richard Harding Davis!” “Here.” “Allright! Let the word to advance be given.” —Cleveland Leader. Two small and lively urchins were attired in their best the other afternoon to attend the matinee with an auntie, and in the interval before her appears escaped just a few seconds from under the watehfy of their careful mother. When they reappeared this brief absence the youngest boy Donald, was | condition not to be described, but which necessi once a change of linen and general refurnishing te: he could be seen in polite society again. “*Donald! Donald!" exclaimed his ind: long-suffering mother ‘‘what do you m have you been? Now, I shall have to keep auntie x ing while I dress you all over again. Vou are anazyiy naughty boy.” “*Pshaw!" retorted Donald in an injured, defer tone, “that ain't nothin’. What y’ makin’ sucha about ? I on'y crawled through the sewer twice, —Loutsville Courier-Journs, Lawyer: Did you kill your cousin only other member of the family ? Prisoxer: Yes, only my cousin. “What a pity! Had you but murdered the ei family, I might have got you off on a plea of em insanity."— Fliegende Blactter. Mane: mamma. HER MoTHER: Why do you say that ? ‘* He took me out to look at some tandem ¥! last evening.” —Phrladelphia North American, : I think Jack is going to propo A GENTLEMAN was limping along Princess Sm Edinburgh, one morning, when a friend accosted ta “Hallo!” said he, “what's the matter? Arg lame? * “Ay, temporarily, temporarily,” “The fact is, 1 went hame sober last faithfu’ watchdog grippit me by the leg. was the rg nicht, anég — Answer all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter. Haan Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, AGENTa, jeanra, Brentano, 37 Avenue de !'Opers, Exchange, 1 Clarnstrasee, Mayence, rmany, Austria and Switzerland. 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