Life — May 6, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Mrs. gown. “What makes you think so?" “She's begun to argue that it will be the cheapest in the end.” Chicago Journal. VER must feel that she was very extravagant in buying that tew AN Irish gentleman was dining out the other night, when somebody insulted the Queen. The gallant and loyal Irishman was on his feet in an instant. ** Sir,” said he to the culprit, ‘the duello is not now in fashion, but if you bad made that remark fifty years ago, I would call you out to-morrow mornin —Wave. Bess: You could hardly call her a social success. Jess: Why, she seems to have plenty of admirers. “Oh, yes, if you look at it im that way, but I riendly terms with a single man she ever rejected.’ don’t believe she's on "Chicago Journal. Aw old salt who navigates a bicycle when he is in port, was working a rapid passage down Cass Avenue the other day when he collided with a woman cycler. After they had extricated themselves from the wreck he anticipated her outburst of anger, from which she could gather little except that he was sincerely sorry. “Tm sure as I ought to be scuttled for it, mum,” he said, rapidly, “but I couldn't get yer signals no more as if we was feelin’ through a fog bank, I was blowin’ for you to pass to the port and steerin’ my course accordin’, Just as I was goin’ to dip my pennant and salute proper, your craft refused to obey her rudder and you struck me for'ard. Afore I could reverse, your jibboom fouled my starboard mizzen riggin’, your flowin’ gown snarled up with my bobstay, blew out yer pneumatic, parted yer toppin’ lift and carried away my jack-saddie down haul As I listed I tried to jibe, but 1 capsized, keel up, and you flounderio’ in the wreckage.” By this time there was an interested audience, and the girl was mentally debating whether she shou!d run from a supposed lunatic or ask for an inter- preter. But Jack’s head-piece was still in his hand ; he was not through. “1m hopin’ yer not enough damaged for the hospital,” he went ce, “but I'd be sunk if | wouldn't be glad to stand yer watch till you righted, ‘This here little craft of yours will be as seaworthy as ever when her upper works is straightened out, and we get wind into her sails again, 1°11 her down to the yard fur repairs.” And she smiled an assent.—Detrott Free Press. just tow A Womax from a fourth-story window called out to an old Jew peddler wno was toiling slowly along the street. ‘*Vant me?" shouted the Jew * Ves," shouted the woman back again; “come up here, mister!" The of man had little custom that day, so he hopefully mounted the long stairway When he reached the top th: woman emerged from one of the rooms, holdings howling youngster by the ear. * Mister,” she said, tersely, ** I've just called yox upto Tommy. If he’s a naughty boy won't you put him in your bag?”— Wave. Justix HuNTLy McCarTHy was once showing a young American over the Houses of Parliament. In escorting her through the library of t! Commons, he casually mentioned, as a more or less interesting fact, that it was axamnst the rules for a woman to sit down there. Is that really a law of the “asked the fair American. ‘* That is so," answered McCarthy, jravely said his visitor, ** you just see me brea and, drawing up a chair, olutely down at the table.—Argonaut. A GALLANT captain was called up by his colonel to explain his assauitiog the sentry on his retura to barracks after dinner on the previous night. Tbe captain had forgotten the incident entirely. The sentry declared that the officer was evifently drunk, The captain's Irish soldier servant, however, emphatically protested that his master was sober. ‘* How is it that you ares sure that he was sober.?" asked the colonel. ‘* Did he speak to you?" “He did, sorr."" What did he say ** He tould me to be sure and call him earl; in the morning, sorr.” “That seems all right,” said the colonel; "and did ah—did the captain say why he wished to be called early?” “He did, sor. He said he was going to be Queen of May."— Wave. tia | SCENT: BICYCLES: KNOWN QUALITY 3 | You are making no experi- ment in buying a Crescent Bicycle. 56,000 men,women in 1895; 70,000 in 1896, Owners of Crescents are HOTEL EL VENDOME, BOSTON (KING CHRISTIAN, OF LEXMARK.) famous Race BG" Bouteraee Commonwealth -\ve BEST OF CARE = Should always be taken of your stomach; it has so mncl work to do that it needs constant aid. Johann Hoff’s Malt Extract Aids Digestion, Makes Flesh and Blood. What King Christian, of Denmark, writes: “I have noticed the beneficial action of JOHANN HOFF'S MALT EXTRACT on myself,as well as on others of my house hold, and am pleased to acknowledge t Use only the genuine JOHANN HOFF'S MALT EXTRACT. All others are worthless Imitations. Q fo) io} Q io] 69 fe} 9) 3) fo] ¢§ ¢9 fe] fo] 0] 3 5} 8 EISNER & MENDELSON CO., Sole Agents, New York 8 know how good it is. Crescent agents will explain the many im- provements for 1897. We want you to ride a Crescent this year. ¢ : and children bought Crescents WESTERN WHEEL WORKS, Chicago Catalogue free. New York Agents everywhere. all around you. Ask them about Crescent quality. They eo 9 Cliff St., New York, Sept. 15th, 1896. } We have S.RAE & CO.’S FINEST SUBLIME LUCCA OIL at retail in the market, and have submitted samples so obtain careful chemical analysis, ‘We find the oil-to be PURE OLIVE OIL un- adulterated by admixture with any other oil or other substance. It is free from rancidi and all other undesirable qualities, and it is of SUPERIOR QUALITY FLAVOR. THE ww. CAL LABORATORY. 58 J sOGOOOOGOOOGHRED Aa Est. 1836. (0900000000004 S. RAB &.CO., Leghorn, Healy: a