Life — May 6, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Oxe morning lately the representative came to is office with a sniffing cold in his head, and the first :tter he dictated was to his wife at home~a delight, by he indulged in every day, whatever may be said ssmen in general—in which he told her that wing to the fact that he had slept the night before ina raught and the wind had blown through his pajamas, le had caughta pretty severe cold. The word “pajamas” has a new one for the typewriter, and he stalled at it. “ How do you spell that word, sir?" he inquired. “ P.a-j-a-m-a-s,” spelled the representative slowly, lad added: ** Dida t you ever have to write it before?” “No, sir. “Ta that case, I'll bet you a dollar you don't know hat it means. I don't bet, sir, hat it means,” Well, what is it?” “It’s French for whiskers,” and the representative, i the kindness of his heart, smiled sweetly and told the nung man he had guessed it the very first time. —Washington Star. pe hesitated, ‘but I guess I know Two Turks were at a French banquet. Towards te conclusion of the feast a Frenchman selected a hoth-pick from the tray near him, and politely passed ie tray on to his neighbor, who, however, peremptorily sclined the offer, exclaiming: ‘No, thank you! I have ready eaten two of the accursed things, and I want no ore !"— Argonaut. “ What did she say when you ventured to kiss her?” “She said, * Stop right where you are !"”" Indianapolis Journal. SHERIDAN once had occasion to call at a hairdresser's to order a wig. On being measured, the barber, who was a liberal soul, invited the orator to take s¢me re- freshment in an inner room. Here he regaled him with a bottle of port and showed so much hospitality that Sheridan's heart was touched. When they rose from the table and were about separating, the latter, looking the barber full in the face, said: On reflecting, I don'tintend that you shall make my wig.” Astonished, and with a blank visage, the other exclaimed: ‘* Good heavens, Mr, Sheridan! How can I have displeased you?” "Why, look you,” said Sheridan, * you are an honest fellow, and I repeat it, you sha'n't make my wig, for I never intended to pay for it. I'll go toanother less worthy scn of the craft “change. A sort time ago, an old lady went on board Nel- son’s flagsbip, the " Victory.” The different objects of interest were duly shown to her, and on reaching the spot where the great naval hero was wounded (which is marked bya rais-d brass plate) the officer remarked: “Here Nelson fell.” “And no wonder!” exclaimed the old lady. ‘I nearly fell there myself,"—London Answers, Mistress: This steak is done too much, Mary. Matp: Not too much for me, mum, “But L hire you to cook for me, not for yourself.” “Ye think ye do, mum," — Boston Transcript. “Truth crushed to earth will rise again,’ quoted the earnest man, “True,” replied Senator Sorghum; “but, in many cases, not until after the referee has counted ten."—Washington Star. CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS, NEW YORK. Martha Washington. Ry Anne Hollingsworth Whar. @ ton, A Story-Teller's Pack, By Frank R Stockton, Lyries, Day. By John R. Tabb. Boston: Copeland and London: John Lane. I Once spent a week on Scotland Lightship, near the entrance to New York Harbor. Theassistant keeper was in charge, and he was nearly stone deaf. He had not been ashore for three months, and even a newspaper came to him only by chance from time to time, w! pilot-boat stopped by on her way out of the harbor, From sunrise until nine o'clock at night he did little else but sit on a hatchway, smoking an old pipe and gazing reflectively at the great harbor receiving and dismissing its thousands of vessels. One day he asked me to use my influence to get him transferred to Cape Cod. Lasked him why he wished the change. ‘* Well," said be, seriously, I want a quieter station; it's t10 lively here; I want to be where there is less going on.” —St, Nicholas, mused the sporting editor. ‘What “Let me see, is an incubator ?” “An incubator,” replied the agricultural e “is an egg plant."—Chicago Tribune. tor, Never attained to man’s estate? You surprise Why, I understood he lived to an advanced “He did; but he never had any property that wasn't in his wife’s name."—Detroit Journal. me. “GENTLEMEN of the jury,” said a lawyer the other day, ‘there were thirty-six hogs. Remember the just three times as many as in the jury-box, gent For sale by all Newadealers tn Great Britain. The Inter- Rational News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, &. 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ALL LISTS SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO “ PEGASUS,” IN CARE OF LIFE,